A riddle wrapped inside of an enigma wrapped inside another riddle sautéed in a demi-glaze sage and wine sauce with a touch of tomato.

My recently new and improved version also writes poems too! Check them out at:

MonsterBeGood.com.

I’m a self-taught artist and photographer. I started shooting photos in 2006, which is about the time I realized I was never going to be a rock star (although I still think I have one good album in me).

I never drew when I was a kid,

but I ended up taking up drawing after reading the Stuckist Manifesto,

which included a statement that anyone who wants to be considered an artist has to paint.

So, because I always try to do exactly what I read in manifestos,

I started drawing.

I haven’t really painted anything yet,

so I’m not sure if I can really be considered an artist yet

under the precepts of this manifesto.

And for this I feel somewhat guilty,

and I promise Billy Childish and friends

I will try to do better in the future.

because as manifestos go this is a actually a damn fine one

even though it leaves Rodin in the “not-an-artist” camp on a technicality.

I’ve stood and marveled at the Burghers of Calais many times

(many meaning about 4-5 times and that's not counting the time I took that lingerie model to the Rodin)

and I’m pretty sure whoever could create such cold hard haunting beauty

was definitely an artist.

To Tracy Emin and her ilk

I promise nothing

or perhaps a set of new sheets for her bed

and maybe a referral to a reliable maid service.

I did recently buy 3 tubes of acrylic paints

(black, white and blue – which I think are all the colors I’ll really need)

and some brushes.

So at least I’m sort of on the board.

I didn’t buy any canvases because

we’re tearing out the wallpaper in our house

and I figure I can just draw on the walls for now.

Jonathan Borofsky once drew on walls

and if I had to pick a favorite living artist it would be him.

So if it was okay for Borofsky, it’s okay for me.

Not to make excuses,

but another reason I haven’t started painting

is that unfortunately,

this is not the only manifesto out there.

There also have been more than a few manifestos written over the ages

and because I’m always trying to do

exactly what I read in each and every manifesto ever written,

fulfilling all of them tends to really crowd out my leisure time.

Not to mention the tremendous amount

of psychic conflict and confusion

in attempting to balance all of the competing agendas.

Whenever I’m stuck, I always ask myself WWJD?

What would Jimmy do?

Jimmy as in Jimmy Carter.

Sure, he wasn’t the best President,

but he seems like a genuinely good guy –

with all the poetry,

his building houses for the poor,

the Carter Center for peace, etc., etc., etc.

So I picked him and so far, it’s seemed to work

And why fix what isn’t broken?

I’ve often thought of writing my own manifesto and just following that.

I’ve tried it a few times,

but since I’m an absurdist at heart,

my manifestos always tend to begin with lines like:

“1. Oranges should be blue and should fly under their own power.

2. However, those objects which fly and are blue, should not be considered oranges unless they know the punch code…”

That type of manifesto may actually work for some people.

But I know it wouldn’t work for me,

and if I actually did write it,

since I follow all manifestos,

I’d have to attempt to follow it,

which would only lead to more conflict and confusion.

And my WWJD test would get fouled up

since Carter is a poet

and therefore

my normally reliable inner Jimmy Carter

would probably tend to interpret my own absurdist writings as metaphors

or some type of personal symbolism

and ruminate over their hidden meanings.

So me,

I’m staying out of the manifesto business

(other than trying to follow each and every dictate of every manifesto ever written

and maybe eventually getting around to painting something).

Creating stuff while listening to:

- Cloud Cult - Journey of the Featherless

- Conner Oberst - Moab

- Frightened Rabbit - The Modern Leper

- Santogold - Lights Out

- Taken By Trees - Sweet Child O' Mine

- Fleet Foxes - In the Hot, Hot Rays

- Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal

- Girl Talk - Set it Off

- Los Campesinos! - We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

- Deerhunter - Nothing Ever Happened

- Stars - Elevator Love Letter

- Girl Talk - Play Your Part

- Gentleman Jesse and His Men - Highland Crawler

- Bound Stems - Happened to Us All Otherwise