Uncle Oskar, an intensely idealistic tennis star

Goes to see a guru at an architecture seminar

It seems the radiant city will soon be ushered in

Where all things will be modular and rational and clean

Green space, tennis, pleasures all planned

And nothing, says the man, to fear or fail to understand

The world will be 'Ein Lichtspiel Schwartz-Weiss-Grau'

As predicted by the experts at the Bauhaus, Dessau

Oh Oskar tennis champion, we're sorry for your frau

Now Moholy Nagy is your holy cow

My uncle is inspired to start his dream home right away

He steps out of the hall, but in his hurry, to his great dismay

He fails to see the rake, it bangs him in the face

Causing him to trip, and, to his horror and disgrace

A barrel of molasses hanging dangling in the sky

Falls upon my uncle and it hits him in the eye

It trickles down his back, my uncle's quickly stuck

To the sleepers of the nearby monorail track

Oh Oskar tennis champion uh-oh wow

Who but Le Corbusier could save you now?

Next time we see our hero two experimental trains

Are hurtling down the monorail towards my uncle's balls and brains

Then comes a bolt of lightning, a sudden cut in power

My uncle sees the whole facade of a residential tower

Crashing down towards him, he doesn't worry though

His survival is assured by the position of the window

Oh Oskar Tennis Champion, what's up doc?

Help, he goes, send Adolf Loos or the Keystone Cops!

Oh Oskar Tennis Champion

It's all gone wrong

Who knew you'd see Utopia but you'd be King Kong?

Oskar Tennis Champion uh-oh wow

Can pompous Walter Gropius save you now?

Ultra-modernism it's a drag

When Jacques Tati and Buster Keaton write your gags

- Momus, "Oscar Tennis Champion"