I first met scutmunkey whilst attending alchoholics anonymous, his congregation had, through some antiquated legal loophole, had him admitted to an asylum for the criminally insane. In fact, I know for a fact that many of his convictions would be quashed if they were to be brought in front of the courts again but scutm… Read more

I first met scutmunkey whilst attending alchoholics anonymous, his congregation had, through some antiquated legal loophole, had him admitted to an asylum for the criminally insane. In fact, I know for a fact that many of his convictions would be quashed if they were to be brought in front of the courts again but scutmunkey insists that his time spent in captivity was retribution from god and that he is the better man for it. On this particular day, the day I met him that is, he had reached a new low and was very down on himself. I engaged him in some throw-away conversation so that he would desist from his high-pitched keening; the subject of the conversation evades my recollection at this point but was related to Ann Diamond's fluctuating weight. Thinking of it now, I believe that we were speculating that her eating disorder did not in fact have it's genesis in post-natal depression as her publicist would have the world believe, but that it was more likely to be the result of the rejection of a potential lover or the realisation that her television career was in a downward spiral which had long since reached terminal velocity. Scutmunkey became surprisingly animated on the topic and it is at this point that I realised, "Here is a passionate man". To say that I was impressed by his passion is to understate the situation, for I was in awe. I had never met someone that could become violently agitated over such seemingly lightweight intercourse, even if Miss Diamond had co-presented TV AM for most of the nineteen eighties. After several minutes of being barated for my myopic views I concocted an excuse to extricate myself from the immediate situation but I knew that this was a man I would like to encounter again. I was released into civil society approximately two months later and I very quickly settled back into my previous existence as bus conductor on the 39 bus route in Dublin, the stint "inside" having given me a new suit of armour with which to shield myself from the daily onslaught of humanity that I encountered. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and, after twenty five of these months, when I had long since forgotten about my meeting with scutmunkey, a curious thing happened .....

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