"Hello, friends. This is Mr. Balber of the Macy Company. Today, I'm here to tell you about the '58 Towers." My deadpan spoof of 1957's hit record "Flying Saucer" got all four floors of Centralites laughing in unison. Next day, an encore performance on Brother John's intercom. That did it! I was hooked on advertising. The day after I graduated, I moved to Dearborn, Michigan, hometown of Henry Ford. I went to Detroit's Wayne State University, down the street from the GM Building. Got a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Advertising Design, then an MA in Mass Communications. Did my Master's essay on Stan Freberg. Was a grad trainee at Ford when they introduced the Mustang. Worked a lot of years at Chevy's ad agency and was Copy Supervisor on Corvette, Camaro and the Chevy Super Sports. Was awarded a boondoggle to study the European Brewing Industry. Worked in Australia for a couple years on GM and Foster's Lager (their two favorite sports, drinking and driving.) After Oz, moved my first wife and two sons to Fort Lauderdale. Did more creative work for Chevy, then for Mazda's and Toyota's ad agencies. In 1993, I had three articles published in Pittsburgh Magazine. One of them, "Money To Burn," is now a screenplay, looking for a home. Got married to Maria, my Bavarian bride, by Elvis in Vegas. This August and September, we visited her family in Munich and the Alps for the fifth time. Almost forgot: Taught Advertising at Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton, then Florida State University, after we moved to Tallahassee. Now retired and retarded, I'm a grandfather, a painter, a Toastmaster, an actor, publisher of the neighborhood newsletter and swimming pool Nazi. Oh, and once a week, I do something I've wanted to do since my first job at Carnegie Library. I volunteer to read for the blind. (On WFSU-FM.) Thanks to Central Catholic, I'm still acting up on the airwaves. And still crazy after all these years!