I'm through being cool.

Television Without Pity writes regarding my failed American Idol audition:

"[He] tools it up so hardcore, and I'll say it again: he's the true-life geeked-out solution x to the problem (E+S+2F/3)+g+h-m=x, where E = Eugene from Grease, S = Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors, F = Professor Frink from The Simpsons, g = Coke-bottle glasses, h = high-waters, and m = size, because he's your classic pre-"Hero Of The Beach" 98-Pound Weakling, with the sand in the face and that slutty Janet. I don't know what he's trying to accomplish here, but he's darling and would make a good friend for someone, somewhere. I do so hope he finds himself one sometime. He's River Phoenix in Explorers, or Jerry O'Connell in Stand By Me (albeit -m, again). Maybe it's a joke! That would be nice. For me and for him, and for you."