Phil is the ultimate infomercial product. He can do it all. He can spackle an entire wall with one swooping motion of his left index finger. In the time it takes you to turn on the stove, he's already made an 86-egg whites only omelette with 14 strips of low-fat turkey bacon inside. And dashed it with Tobasco. … Read more

Phil is the ultimate infomercial product. He can do it all. He can spackle an entire wall with one swooping motion of his left index finger. In the time it takes you to turn on the stove, he's already made an 86-egg whites only omelette with 14 strips of low-fat turkey bacon inside. And dashed it with Tobasco. I've witnessed in awe as he removed all the grime inside my keyboard just by blowing softly on the CAPS LOCK key. Know those uber-popular "Jingle Dogs"? Who do you think trained them to harness their singing voices? Phil, of course. I could go on, but man, this testimonial would never end. Phil is a godly invention that should be cherished for all eternity. Benjamin Franklin is having seizures of envy in his grave as I type this. If you act now, he'll even poison your bully's food with the malaria of bats, and blame Ethel the lunch lady's deformed Pizza Rolls for the heinous deed. And then he'll command her to serve piping hot batches of curly fries (daily and only for you), in order to avoid lady prison time.

Read less