Outi is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. She has been known to remodel train stations on her lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. She translates ethnic slurs for Siberian refugees, she writes award-winning operas, she manages time efficiently. Occasionally,… Read more

Outi is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. She has been known to remodel train stations on her lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. She translates ethnic slurs for Siberian refugees, she writes award-winning operas, she manages time efficiently. Occasionally, she treads water for three days in a row. She woos men and women with her sensuous and godlike trombone playing, she can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed. She cooks Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. She is an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, she once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. She play bluegrass cello, she was scouted by FC Barcelona, and is the subject of numerous documentaries. When she’s bored, she builds large suspension bridges in her yard. She enjoys urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, she repairs electrical appliances free of charge. She is an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over her original line of blue corduroy evening-wear. She doesn’t perspire. She is a private citizen, yet she receives fan mail. She has been caller number nine and has won the weekend passes to concerts. Last summer she toured Lapland with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. Outi’s deft floral arrangements have earned her fame in international botany circles. Children trust her. She can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. She once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. She knows the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. She has performed several covert operations with the CIA. She sleeps once a week; when she does sleep, she sleeps in a chair. While on vacation in France, she successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to her. She balances, she weaves, she dodges, she frolics, and her bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, she participates in full-contact origami. Years ago she discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. She has made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. She breeds prizewinning clams. She has won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. She has played Hamlet, she has performed open-heart surgery, and has spoken with Elvis. But she lives in Turku.