Pix from Chix on separate Albums ----

"Images of Geraldine1965 / Geraldine O'Neill aka Gerri." ---- my forgotten femme persona.

"Chix Images of NGB". ---- my current look, and other ( drama ) related looks, that I posted on Chix.

 

Will add further pix and albums as and when, which I have LoL, xx

 

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Well, now that they are up there, time for a bit of background and context.

My name Is Niall G. Brown, born 1965 ( so you do the maths ) , youngest child and only boy , with 2 ( +? ) elder sisters.

My third sister was stillborn, a year before I was born, hence the ( +? ) above.

 

As a child, my dad was earning good money in construction, but was away a lot due to the nature of the job.

He worked very hard, but drank alcohol harder, in fact extremely hard.

Sometimes he would get violent towards, my mum, my sisters or when very young , myself, but I soon learned to fight back, well he wanted me to do macho sports, thus footie (hard tackling was excepted & expected back in the day), boxing and judo.

 

Also, as the job was dependant on new contracts to fulfil there were times when he was not working.

These were usually the violent times,, and with his excessive drinking even when no work on, we were a family that today would be described as, at best, "Just About Managing".

 

Mum always made sure we were fed, but sometimes other things were neglected, such as new school uniforms each year, new shoes, everyday clothes for after-school / at home, new toys, etc..

Basically, she was recycling and reusing stuff decades before it became the norm.

She didn't really have to do the 3rd one , reduce, as we lived on the absolute minimum at times, in those day anyways.

 

So, my eldest sister's ( 5 years older than myself ) clothes and stuff, were passed down to my middle sister ( 2 years older than me ) and then to myself.

I knew no difference, and it was not until I was due to start Primary School that I knew any different.

Our Primary school had a uniform, and it was similar for both girls and boys.

They wore skirts but the boys wore trousers / shorts.

 

Now up to then, never questioned the difference, and even for a while at school, thought my uniform was ok, if old as it previously belonged to my sister(s).

I didn't know I was wearing a blouse, rather than a shirt.

I didn't know that boys wore y-fronts , instead of pants, until I went for my first PE lesson.

 

Anyways, moving on, school apart and the stuff bought for me alone in that regard, back in the house, still wore my sisters' "hand-me-downs" , as a matter of everyday life.

Again I knew no different.

It was mainly their old jeans / trousers or tops, socks or small thick tights and of course underwear.

I don't think I did , or don't remember wearing skirts or dresses at that time, and began to get jealous of my sisters, that they could wear them, sometimes pretty colours or styles, sometimes plain.

 

So at times if in the house alone, would sneek into their bedroom and try on their clothing , that was denied to myself.

Other times, even went to the Holy Grail, my parents bedroom, and tried on my mum's outfits and shoes , far too big for myself at a young age , and even tried her lippy and perfume at times, which of course were a dead giveaway.

 

So told her about how I felt and why I did it.

She thought I was just going "through a phase" and took me to see several doctors , from local GP to some at a hospital and / or clinic, I was too young and don't really recall most of it.

 

Well skip ahead and my dressing in my sister's and mum's clothing continued well into my teenage years, and was caught by all the members of my immediate family at various times, as well as a few neighbours if I went into the backyard or a few late night walks.

Having a part-time job from my mid-teens, allowed me to also start to buy my own stuff from a mail-order catalogue and delivered to a PO box.

I loved classic styles in clothes and the vintage panti-girdle / corselet look in lingerie, and still do prefer these as helps to shape the body and hold the "Junk" in.

 

I rarely dress en femme now, except for always wearing female underwear, and maybe a nice top, tights under my jeans and comfy shoes, not heels.

I could never master make-up, so have gave up trying.

And besides, why make the effort if only to parade about the house on my own.

So basically a "hairy panty wearer", as even as a male dislike pictures of my self, unless a particular reason.

NOT your average tgirl then, who any excuse for a photo session.

 

A few decades ago, when I lived in London, used to go out to a few gay / trans-friendly places, and flirted ( and more ) with a few guys and gurls, but nothing major, just kissing, cuddles, dancing ( fast and especially slow, and very close to each other ) some stroking and caressing, and the odd hand-job, both giving and receiving.

Never went the "full way" with anyone except my "vanilla ex geniune girlfriends".

 

Told a few ex gf's about my "hobby", and that is why they are ex as such, some called me a dirty perv., others accepted and not approve, and one actually embraced it, and was my "lesbian lover" so to speak.

 

Nothing too kinky, but a nice r-ship when it lasted.

Although during all my time with ex gf's I used to use make-over / dressing sevices and go out to tranny / gay pubs and clubs at times.

I lost a lot of my stuff including pictures, in a house-fire, which I survivied as out of the house at the time.

 

Yes, as Gerri I was attracted to anyone and everyone, but as Niall I was hetro / straight as only fancied women, but still loved their clothing, hairstyles, shoes as such, and would often comment to them about something, which made me a better boyfriend, as seemed I took an interest in their lives.

 

However my femme persona was still very much in the "closet" as it were, and wished to express herself more and more, but due to my normal life, only at special times.

When she did appear, she was truly different to my male self, which shocked me a bit.

I mean she took certain drinks I abhor, ate food I detest, she was more outgoing and flirtatious, with both sexes, but never went too far, you get the idea.

 

Was I "channelling" my still-born sister, and giving her a life she never had ?

Was I secretly gay / bi / pan-sexual and only able to express my true self when "En Femme" ? and in self-denial ? and only able to be "myself" as her ?

 

I worked in Mental Health Care at the time, so was recluctant to seek advice from others in the field, fearing that my career could be tainted, as like ALL professions / work places it was a close community, and fear of rejection or dismissal, should I speak from the heart and soul of my self or not ?

 

This was London in the 90's so although a lot more liberal and accepting, still a lot of "hate" as to others that were "different", esp if one had an Irish / Northern Irish accent.

Why rock the life-boat, when you are just happy to be saved from the liner ?

 

Skipping ahead to near enough this time in my life, which I may come back to and recount the missing years, brings us to the present day.

Found out about this site in 2016 and joined it then , but very little input from myself at that time, it was just an extension of my yahoo account that appeared , and I signed up for, not really knowing what it was about, but possibly useful to have, should I need it.

 

I, later that year, opened a new Chix account as a male admirer, due to the fact I previously had one in a male name, and one in a female persona.

Again very little input from myself on that site, as still was confused about my gender classification and sexuality.

So last year, in autumn, re-activated the Chix account, posted a few pix, and noticed a lot of Gurls had Flickr accounts as well, so took the plunge, returned to this site, and lo and behold discovered delights untold previously.

 

Finally admitted to myself in November 2018, that I was Bi-Sexual, was more an Admirer than a Tgirl, although I still have a slightly femme aspect to my overall persona as a bloke ( more likely 90-95% male 5-10% female ) , got chatting to a few peeps here and on Chix, and happy and content that I have accepted who I am.

As I said on my Chix profile, who better to understand you all as an Admirer, than an (ugly !!! LoL) ex-tgurl.

Took me long enough, as now in my mid-fifties.

 

So got to know a few ladies here and Chix, some good, some not so good as it turned out, but life is all a learning experience, and the on-line world is like reality, some people are true and honest, some wish to deceive and use others.

 

Over the past few months, I have learned to sort the wheat from the chaff, and I count a few ladies here as close, true Friends if not Family, and like other Social Media outlets, as in life itself , learned to respect those true people, and forget the trashy ones.

 

So I am an ex-(ugly-)gurl myself, I have accepted that I am male, who likes wearing the occasional item of female clothing.

I am Bi in that I know the reality of males in female attire, which I am attracted to, and have the odd fantasy as to certain members of the male species, on a slightly mano a mano aspect, but hey don't we all ?

 

Am I a HPW ? a pervy so-and-so ? an opportunist seeking to exploit others ?

If I thought that of myself, I would not have written it in the last sentence, as if I state it , it denies others twisting it to use as a weapon against myself.

 

So HPW, probably as still like wearing female undergarments.

 

A Pervy so-and-so, well I am honest and true, and if finding men dressed or acting as women is pervy, and being attracted to them, then I guess so.

You may wish to express your Femme aspect of your lives, but you must know that some males ( even straight men ) might find you attractive.

 

As for being an "opportunist", I WOULD NEVER want to, try to , or benefit from the misuse of another human being in whatever circumstances in life. Yes there are a few geniune people in this Big, Bad World, I happen to be one of them.

 

I would like to point out to one and all, that whilst I still love and admire the female body, clothing, shoes, hairstyles, accessories, etc., and I also respect males who wish to present themselves in a feminine way and manner, I am not looking for gratification in a sexual or physical sense.

I wish to be a platonic friend to everyone, regardless of their age, gender, sexuality, nationality, or any other classification that people use.

 

Feel free to email me here or elsewhere, ( links provided below ), and if I can , I will answer any questions or queries you may have, in an honest and truthful manner, so that you may learn to trust me as a person.

  

............ To Be Continued ............ The Missing Years !!!!!!!

 

Best wishes,

NGB x

 

Added a few more pix and albums, as discovered a few old memory cards and usb sticks with stuff on them, so will edit out the best and post them here, some of myself, some of places I have been or things that I have done.

 

Also added an Album solely for Peggy Carter.

Who doesn't love Peggy and her sense of style and dress sense, as well as being a sassy lady who more than betters her male peer group.

If I could be any woman in the world, past or present, real or fiction, it would have to be Peggy.

 

But a close second would be Melody Pond aka The Doctor's wife aka River Song from Doctor Who.

 

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Hallowe'en 2019.

 

Last shave of the year, for the facial hair, as from tomorrow will combine Movember & Decem-beard, so going to be scruffy until New Year's Eve.

 

Due to this, unlikely to meet anyone soon, but will still pop in & out of here at times, just to see what is happening.

 

See yeez all on January 1st 2020.