There are some people who decry people of transgender leaning. They will say men cannot be women and women cannot be men. They use such logic as one cannot declare oneself tall if one is short, white if one is black, an animal if one is human. To this I would say exactly so. However if a person feels strongly enough and is absolutely not harming others I say what is the problem? Why do some people become so upset with behaviour that has no bearing on them? I surely do not know.

Although not a popular subject with some the ability to pass as the gender in which one is presenting does help with social interaction.

Now for the big one, the bathroom issue. It is ludicrous to have female presenting people using the men's bathroom. I can imagine the problems with that. When en femme one visits the ladies, does their business, washes one's hands, and if necessary repairs her make up and departs. Individual stalls assure privacy. All the arguments against transwomen using the ladies room are ridiculous and I won't give them oxygen here.

Perception

Being perceived as a woman is totally different than being perceived as a man. I feel fortunate to experience something fairly unique to the trans community. Cis men do not really know how society treats women and cis women cannot truly know how men are treated.

Experiencing situations as the opposite gender is an eye opener. For example it is very different sitting in an above the knee dress than sitting in short trousers. I have discovered functionality often trumps form.

It was not until I began presenting as Jan that I realised how much taller men are than women. Initially I felt huge which I had never experienced before. At 179cm or 5 feet 10 1/2 inches I am decidedly average for a male. (Australians are 172.53cm (5 feet 7.92 inches) tall on average. Australian men are 179.20cm (5 feet 10.55 inches) tall on average. Australian women average 165.85cm (5 feet 5.29 inches) tall as of 26 June 2019. A difference of 13.55cm or 5.33 inches)

In the twenty years since I have been socialising as Jan I have observed a significant increase in the height of younger people which is nice. To paraphrase an old saying "if you wish to appear short stand next to a tall person."

Experiencing the vulnerability of femininity when in public is the only way to truly know what vulnerability is to a woman. It reinforces the fact that most men take their safety for granted and women must be on constant guard. As a woman I am very particular as to where I park my car. I avoid dark spaces and choose well lit areas. I park closer to entrances so not to walk too far unaccompanied, I lock my car doors when driving and I pay a lot more attention to those in my vicinity. All things that I do not even consider when not presenting as a woman.

The first time a man holds a door, stands back to allow you to enter first or lifts your bag from an overhead locker is initially confusing and then rather nice.

I can honestly say that I have not had a negative experience when out and about as Jan. People generally keep to themselves and are not overly interested in what is going on around them. I am careful to blend as much as possible and of course like any prudent woman I am selective as to where I go and with whom.

I have had many interactions with health services, government departments, retail establishments and the general public. I find people are nice.

Over the years I have had many conversations with cis people who are curious or perhaps even fascinated by trans behaviour. I have been asked almost every imaginable question and have tried my best to answer as honestly as I can without becoming too personal. I enjoy these encounters and am happy to help others to be more understanding of our community.

A number of genetic women choose to down play the trappings of femininity. Preferring trousers over skirts, little or no makeup or jewellery for example. We rarely go down this path. The obvious problem with this is the proclivity to overdress especially early in one's journey. One should not wear a party dress, pearls and green eye shadow to the mall. Also middle aged genetic women rarely (read never) wear mini skirts.

I feel that appropriate behaviour and presentation is very important if we want to be accepted and hopefully respected.

The older I become the more I wonder why someone like myself choosing to present as female is such a big deal to some. I believe things are improving and that's nice.

Crossdresser or Transgender?

I have been pondering this question for some time.

Firstly I must define what each means to me. I can only speak of my observations of male to female people.

I feel that a mtf Crossdresser is a person who very much enjoys presenting, being seen as and exhibiting mannerisms as a woman. Very often displaying a level of femininity in excess of the average cis women in that makeup, dresses, jewellery, hose and feminine footwear are the norm. These people do not have a problem with the male portion of their lives and enjoy male orientated activities but have an overwhelming urge to display female traits on occasion.

After transition many AGP Transexuals who were very feminine crossdressers and had lives of successful heterosexual men often present more in tune with cis women. Their feminine expression backs right off. Trousers, little or no makeup, sensible footwear etc. These people often say that they could not go on in their male lives and their overwhelming urge is to transition. I find this interesting and I suspect they could but they choose/prefer not to. (my opinion only)

As for the elephant in the room. I am sure Autogynephillia (AGP) is a real thing. I know this because I have it. The thought of being my feminine self greatly pleases me and in the past was a strong motive for my crossdressing. In my opinion I believe that all heterosexual crossdressers are AGP, although many deny this. However I do not think it excludes us from being seen as legitimate trans folk. Myself and the friends I have made in this community strive to fit in with society in the manner of presentation and behaviour. I have been reading that many believe AGP individuals are the bearded, miniskirted, loud and obnoxious sector which in my experience is not correct. In days gone by these individuals were known as Genderfucks. A coarse term that I find quite apt.

I have come realise that I am a Crossdresser. I very much enjoy both being him and being her.

I do not want to lose either, so it is best that I embrace both.

Feminine Behaviour

As a woman I shop totally differently than as a man. He is in and out, no time to ponder or to waste. She loves to look around, touch, feel, try on and put things back. In fact shopping for ladies clothes is perhaps one of my favourite pleasures.

It is extremely difficult when out with another woman not to allow her to walk through a doorway first. Initially I found myself waiting for her which of course attracts attention. I didn't know this behaviour was so ingrained until I presented as a woman. I can now comfortably walk through first but it has taken some time.

Jewellery, make up, nail polish and perfume are a very important part of life.

I find myself more agreeable and less aggressive which I very much like.

I have a lifelong friend who prefers me as Jan, he says she is nicer to be around. I'm not sure if that is a compliment or not but it is quite possibly true.

These feelings occur naturally.

Why the need for (so many) photos?

This is a perfectly valid question. After all I don't see too many mature genetic women posting pictures of themselves in their various outfits and social situations.

I enjoy being able to look back at wonderful social events and I also use my photos to record my changing looks and presentation. This does not need to be in a public forum yet many of us choose to use internet communities for this purpose.

I will say though that the need to photograph every social occasion has waned over the years.

My favourite photos are those with family and friends.

I do know that it is much more satisfying to dress and go out than to dress in private. Perhaps posting photographs publicly is an extension of that.

People of the Trans Community

I have enjoyed the company of many Transgender individuals. One thing I have noticed is that a good proportion are fairly intelligent and quite articulate

I.T. features very frequently in the list of professions. I have met scientists, airline pilots, mainstream entertainers, media personalities, school principals, professional musicians, engineers, a systems analyst, a retired ASIO agent, several doctors, a medical researcher with a PHD, high powered business people, a serving politician, a successful race car driver and a high ranking law enforcement officer to name but a few.

I really don't know why this is.

Gender dysphoria - Wikipedia

'Gender dysphoria (GD), or gender identity disorder (GID), is the distress or discomfort one experiences as a result of the gender they were assigned at birth. In this case, the assigned gender does not match the person's gender identity, and the person is transgender.'

I have met very few people who have expressed an unsolicited love of their birth gender. It is rare to hear someone cisgender say they love being a man or a woman, they just are. The few occasions have been women trying to comprehend my desire to be female by stating their own love of being female. As for men the only time I have heard them say they are glad they were not born female is related to periods, childbirth and the ability to pee standing up.

Cis people on the whole accept their gender and take their gender for granted. I imagine most people have wondered what it would be like to have been born the opposite sex but have never wished for it.

Gender dysphoria can be quite debilitating. Its intensity increases and decreases at different times. When strong it can be all consuming to the extent that it is difficult to focus on much else. Thankfully these periods are fleeting but never the less require vigilance to control. I imagine only someone who has experienced GD could relate to this.

Gender Dysphoria has been a major part of my life since I can remember. I appreciate that it is difficult for those who have not experienced GD to understand.

When presenting as my preferred gender my demeanour changes. I am more relaxed and find joy in expressing my feminine persona.

I have been socialising and presenting publicly as a woman since 2002 and have made some very special friends and have had some wonderful experiences. Mundane everyday actions such as grocery shopping, attending appointments and housework are more enjoyable to me when I am in my feminine persona.

I am fortunate to live in a time and a country that is tolerant of gender diversity, something for which I am very grateful.

Old Joke

There is an old joke in the trans community that asks "what is the difference between a transvestite and a transexual?" The answer being two years. This alludes to the fact that a lot of transexuals begin their cross gender behaviour by dressing as the opposite sex before arriving at the idea that they are transexual and wish to transition fully as the opposite sex.

Dual Gender

I have a long term friend who describes herself as being 'dual gender'. She is extremely feminine when expressing her female persona and quite masculine when presenting as a male. She loves both aspects of her life and would not like to lose either one.

I could imagine cis persons feeling that this is perhaps self indulgent or even selfish but I think that it maximises her as a person. Her female side is gentle, loving and nurturing, very aware of fashion, makeup and feminine deportment while her male side is protective, practical and handy. These traits are not mutually exclusive but are more often seen in their respective genders. She is a nice person in either mode.

My Feelings on my Situation.

In the beginning I was disconcerted when treated as a woman. In fact it made me a little uncomfortable.

Then something changed and I not only stopped feeling uncomfortable when treated as, spoken to as or referred to as a woman but I began to enjoy being treated as a woman. I genuinely prefer being passive where I was once opinionated.

For me it is a nicer place to be.

I am very comfortable at this stage of my life. I like being transgender, I like being my age and I like Jan. She is a nice person I think.

My Feelings on Transgender Politics.

In my time I have seen transgender go from being relatively unknown, to being a novelty, to being tolerated, to being accepted and unfortunately now to being a political football for those with an axe to grind and are looking for a platform that shocks, offends and satisfies their own (false) sense of empowerment and entitlement.

Those that demand being addressed by made up childish pronouns, insist that there are dozens and dozens of genders and scream at at good decent people should they not submit to their particular whims and demands have not served our cause well.

Very often these people present as anything but someone who is just trying to get by and live their lives as their preferred gender and become the person they truly believe themselves to be.

The bearded man wearing a dress, the former male athlete who claims femininity and trounces genetic women and the university students demanding the resignations of decent people to name a few.

This has set us back so far that I don't think I will ever see the former acceptance and good will return.

One last comment. Former men who compete with biological women in contact sports should take a good hard look at themselves.

Things I Like:-

Agreeable people.

Capable people.

Caring people.

Drop earrings.

Elegant jewellery.

Excellent personal hygiene.

Femininity.

Gentlemen.

Genuine friendships.

Good conversationalists who are also good listeners.

Handbags

Interesting profile stories.

Ladies.

Lipstick

Pantyhose on a cold day

People making an effort to present nicely.

Perfume.

Pretty dresses.

Pretty shoes.

Shopping (of any nature)

Smooth skin.

Tidy houses.

Understated makeup.

Things I Do Not Care For:-

Anti social behaviour.

Bullies.

Conversational narcissists.

Clownish makeup.

Disagreeable people.

Fibbers.

Foul language.

Homophobes.

Hypocrites.

Illicit drugs causing anti social behaviour.

Laziness.

Micro minis on anyone over the age of sixteen.

Militant Confrontational Autogynephillic Fetishistic Crossdressers

Narcissists.

People who cannot be bothered to spell correctly - Goodness knows the internet provides the answers.

Poker machines. I feel they prey on those least able to cope. Politicians should feel eternal shame.

Poor hygiene.

Rudeness in any form.

Self absorbed people.

Self serving politicians.

Smoking, smoke, cigarettes but not fags.

Sociopaths.

T Girls giving themselves super weird names.

Tasteless photos of hairy male bodies in ladies underwear.

Tasteless photos of lewd acts.

Tasteless photos of male genitalia.

Tasteless photos.

Tattoos (on anyone) Way too permanent for my liking.

Thieves.

Ugly shorts.

You're written as your.

Jan xoxo.

Please read.

I really do not care to see photos of male parts, hairy male bodies, hairy male parts in lingerie and especially any kind of sexual act at all.

I do not want to be associated with anyone who posts this kind of picture.

I am grateful Flickr has a blocking feature.

Glossary

AFAB:- Assigned female at birth.

AMAB:- Assigned male at birth.

Autogynephilia (AGP):- Is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as female. Autogynephilia explains the desire for sex reassignment of some male-to-female (MTF) transsexuals. It can be conceptualized as both a paraphilia and a sexual orientation.

Cisgender:- Person whose birth gender matches their personal gender identity.

Cis woman:- Women whose birth gender matches her personal gender identity.

Cis man:- Man whose birth gender matches his personal gender identity.

Crossdresser:- Person who enjoys wearing clothes usually associated with the opposite sex.

Cross gender behaviour:- Behaviour normally associated with the opposite sex.

Dressing - being crossdressed.

En femme - wearing feminine clothing or expressing a stereotypically feminine personality.

FTM - Female to male. A transgender man.

Gender - Either of the two sexes (male and female), especially when considered with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones. The term is also used more broadly to denote a range of identities that do not correspond to established ideas of male and female.

Militant Confrontational Autogynephillic Fetishistic Crossdresser - person who demands to be addressed by certain pronouns, demands access to women's spaces, often presents as "a man in a dress" and displays public expressions of aggression and antagonistic behaviour.

MTF - Male to female. A transgender woman.

Non Confrontational Autogynephillic Fetishistic Crossdresser - a person who is aroused by female presentation but goes about her business in a respectful, subtle and discrete manner.

Passing - Being perceived as the gender one is presenting.

Sissy:- Person assigned male at birth who embraces feminine roles and behaviour.

T-girl:- Person assigned male at birth who presents as a woman either part or full time.

Transgender:- Behaviour and presentation of the opposite sex either full or part time.

Transition - the process of changing one's gender presentation or sex characteristics to accord with one's internal sense of gender identity.

Transman - A female to male transexual or transgender person.

Transvestite:- Person who enjoys wearing clothing normally associated with the opposite sex.

Transwoman - (sometimes spelled as trans-woman or trans woman) is a male-to-female (MTF) transsexual or transgender person.

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