I’m Merlin, and I make my living at sea, catching wild dolphin fish and tracking the elusive “Savant Crabs of the Farallones.” My ship, “The Mrs. Olsen” is based out of Panama and runs on diesel and unconditional positive regard.

I’m just shy of seven feet tall, and I eat pert near my own weight in baitfish by 10 each morning. My teeth are made of fool’s gold but my eye patch was sewn from General Tito’s baby blanket. Legend is I once killed a man—just because I needed a really good cry.

I do know I’m pretty good at Robotron, french kissing, and skimming ladies’ fashion magazines. I drink scotch whiskey, and I shit scotch tape. I’m an excellent driver and I just finished the rest of your cheeseburger while you were fucking around with your cellphone.

This land is my land from California to the New York island, but you’re welcome to stay as long as you pitch in for gas and never call me “Copernicus.” But you knew that.

Let’s do this thing.

Beloved tags:

Flickr: Photos tagged with bloggerface

Flickr: Photos tagged with ubiquitousnametags

Flickr: Photos tagged with merlininaplaidshirt

Flickr: Photos tagged with merlinwithadrink

Flickr: Photos tagged with merlininacarharttcap

Flickr: Photos tagged with bootyshotz

Flickr: Photos tagged with barsukhoodie