Note: I'm nice yeah but don't take the piss. Because I'll find out, delete you, block you and hate you forever. Kthnkxbai!

 

So lets talk about the enigma that is me (my favourite subject :D) ...

 

So, before I start off about my trading tools and secrets, I really think we need a historical background (plus no one really reads this so I can go on and on forever).

 

History

 

My first ever photographic kit was a film point & shoot I received from Boots, in the shape of a gorilla eating a banana (I was 7 you guys!). I can't remember much about them except that I was a really bad shot (7!!!), took some horrendous photographs & once took off the back before the entire film was processed (it was one of those cameras where you'd take a photograph and then turn a dial to move the film strip along) and thus ruined all the photographs. There were some true gems there (I was finally improving at the ripe age of 8) but I suppose those are lost forever.

 

After that, I was allowed to occasionally play with my dad's videographer but it broke (I promise it wasn't me) and went off to Singapore, never to return.

 

The next piece of equipment (my second) I received was a Minolta my uncle bought me at the airport in Dubai, en route to Iraq (this was around two years before the war). Another film point & shoot, I still have it to this day & the thing recorded some lovely memories from Iraq, Iran, the UAE and the UK. But after some failed shots (film processing was really expensive & I was a snapper on crack camera so) I researched and researched and saved up for a digital point & shoot which I bought with my own money (from Jessops, which recently shut down reopened some of its stores).

 

My first 'real' camera (well one I was free to endlessly play with) was the Olympus MJU Mini in black:

 

 

And man, what a sexy sleek beautiful camera is was :) I took countless photographs on this & was known as the photographer around school, because I'd always have this & managed to capture some surprising moments. I was still a 'non-photog' photog, didn't know anything & thought being one meant pointing at things and shooting, just with an increased frequency and some sneakiness. My camera and I got looks all the way to university (as an only child, I thrive on attention) and while it was good for the most part, the software had become outdated, the photographs somewhat muted & the shutter button would stop working at crucial times (read: all the time). At some point during all this, I had joined Flickr and eventually got introduced to the wonderful beautiful world of reflex cameras through a photography-student friend. And that was the end of my affair with point and shoots (though I still have this as well as the Minolta, both useable) and the beginning of a life long love with single-lens reflex cameras.

 

Equipment

 

And so began the search and find for my soulmate, with the countless looking and learning one experiences at the beginning of any obsessively intense relationship.

 

But I finally found my one in the Canon 550D. And while the vanity did initially soar, I did start being more aware and thinking about the technical and artistic aspects of my photography.

 

What works, what doesn't, the whys and the hows. Countless inspiration (and smacks to induce modesty in my approach) from the photographers around me and the beauty of nature through their eyes and their portrayal; as well as the knowledge and advise imparted by those with enough talent and experience to claim expertise.

 

I've come quite a way (and happily erased much of the mistakes from the past) but I have a long long long way to go. And Flickr is the perfect means to get there by. My uploads teach me what works and what doesn't, while those of others remind me of the depth and soul that I'm really missing. But I'm hopeful it will be a constant learning curve and serve as means to motivate, avoid slacking off and becoming comfortable in myself & help me constantly create goals outside the box while teaching me the means to reach them :)

 

Glass

 

Canon 40mm f/2.8

 

As an economist and an Asian, I waited and waited for the nifty fifty to get cheaper. And when I knew more about photography (and after more of that obsessive knowledge gathering I was talking about earlier), and heard about the plastic feel to it, I did feel a bit put off. Then I started to save for the Canon 50mm f/1.4 but these had some occasional issues too … so imagine how happy I was when these beautiful sleek pancake ones came out right when I got a gift certificate to Amazon!

 

These are great. And unique (so more of the attention I thrive on ;O) and I've taken some amazing people-shots with them. And oh so fast and inconspicuous! Very happy with my first glass purchase & coincidentally my only unused, brand new purchase for lenses and the only ones with AF (kit don't count).

 

Canon 35-80mm f/4-5.6

 

I would probably still be stuck taking self-affirming photographs of myself had I not had a change of glass. My first one after the kit lens were the very cheap second hand 35-80mm Canon ones I got off eBay to hack & mod into a macro lens. Except these things have no focus (you do it by physically moving back and forth) and a minimum focus distance so small you're literally touching your subject. But all the frustration and learning did make me work for my shots and paved the way to a wonderful manual focus journey :)

 

Carl Zeiss Jena DDR Sonnar 135mm f/3.5

 

Playing around with the modded macros pretty much opened up the doors to manual focus lenses because I realised that hey, I do pretty alright without AF!

 

And the CZJs were my first, and thus I'll love them forever :) if you enjoy M42 lenses (and are an AF revert), you'll forever remember the first looks and touches and feels of a sexy full-metal manual lens. These things are built like tanks and thankfully mine came from very well looked after homes. And the joy I had when I first saw the aperture blades! Ah, true love. I'll always have a soft spot for these lenses & they've given me some good photographs of the critters outside in our garden :)

 

Pentacon Auto MC 200mm f/3.5

 

My second purchase, mistakenly bought this when I was really going out for the 15 bladed bokeh monster (so basically the non-auto version of this) .. man, I was so stupid. Not very sharp and quite painful after a while, but still .. 200 is 200 > 135. But despite the numbers, CZJs > Pentacon (and I'm not just being biased).

 

SMC Takumar 28mm f/3.5

 

Ah. If the age lines and marks and the piling pounds weren't enough to induce modesty, a lack of good selfie focal length glasses certainly did the job! I got these to fulfil my sore vanity and while these too are not short enough, I do like them quite a bit. Plus, they are Takumars (I still like my CZJs over both my Takumars in terms of build :P). And these will forever be my first Taks.

 

Super Takumar 50mm f/1.4

 

Ah, the latest but the best in terms of dreamy creamy bokeh and magic. I mean photographs taken with these (regardless of pro/amateur status) look oh so magical and pristine and expensive. And these lenses are slowly creeping up the price ladder too .. but man are they a beauty. Can't wait to go on field with these soon!

 

I really lucked out on my lenses I reckon. They were all extremely well looked after and mint condition but not too expensive (but not cheap either!). And built like tanks. I mean other than the 200mm Pentacons, I'd keep them all indefinitely!

 

Process

 

And as we come to an end of this wonderful essay (I really do mean it when I say I love myself), I think I'd want to conclude with my changing photographic vision and process. I have changed and I continue to change every session.

 

Flickr, its great to put me in my place and show me my shortcomings so in that aspect I do feel motivated to learn more, shoot more & get better. I do sometimes slightly feel dejected because what I thought were great photographs turn out to be not great at all, when I see the flickr greatness I follow! I mean, its good .. because its making me think more and edit out all the BS, become self-aware and all that. But .. sometimes it just makes me want to quit lol.

 

I also get so frustrated when my shitier photographs get all the rage and praise, when one I've worked hard on and really thought out gets kinds of ignored .. people don't really get it! And sometimes it really does make you want to sell yourself out to play the number game .. but more often than not, it just makes me want to up my game so I can think outside the box, but in a beautiful and visually appealing way :P

 

Photography for me is very very emotive. I think sometimes (especially while on Flickr), I get too serious over the technicalities and what not .. but at the end of the day, I need to remember that I'm creating photographs as memory-art for myself (wow I sound like a douche, but its true). Sure, my older (shitier) work might not make the cut, but I'm an enthusiastic amateur at best .. so I really need to just relax and enjoy the journey. I'm always going to be annoyed that one of my stupid photographs made it into Explore while a really good one didn't .. but I think it just goes to show that Explore, while its nice to get, really ain't worth a dime. And if your photographs bring others enjoyment as well as hold a meaning in place and time for you, well why the hell not?

 

Social

 

Ah, this side of Flickr. I've been here since 2007 and let me tell you, I've gotten more out of it in these six days of re-launching myself than I ever had the entire last six years I've been loitering around the place.

 

Everyone likes recognition. And since I (on most days) view photography through the emotions they elicit in me, I do go around favouring and sending my love. And in turn, I get it back.

 

Sometimes it feels cheap. Because I've had people add me and use me, because I always look through people's photostreams if they interact with me and mark the ones I like, and I've had people add me as a contact, only to dump me at a later stage while I sat there being nice and naive. This is not nice people. Really not nice >.< and makes me feel like when I'm nice to someone, and they're nice to me, its all down to numbers and no real emotions :(

 

But I no longer feel bad about this. I mean, its a really lame thing to do & for what? A puny little view, or a fav that means absolutely nothing? This social side of Flickr really gets to me sometimes. It sometimes make me feel lazy and fall into a rut with my photography & it often makes me feel ashamed when I get comments and faves and Explored on some really basic stuff when some AMAZING people out there aren't getting the recognition they fully deserve. I'm weak & I like the attention ... but after being Explored and left feeling really empty (lol I'm so emo), I think I'm slowly adapting and changing to take photographs for myself only. At the end of the day, Explore means nothing & I can't let a few views cost me my integrity (or this emo nonsense haha) and allow me to actually feel ashamed of my work because I end up taking photographs without feeling just for views.

 

But that being said, I HAVE discovered some amazing people whose photographs really move me, while coming across people who are moved by MY photographs. And so many amazing talented people with beautiful brains I wish I could consume (harhar, seriously though) and use as inspiration to better myself :D Its an incredible thing .. seeing something you've envisioned and captured be transformed through the different interpretations of others. And ultimately, isn't that what photography is all about?

 

The End.

 

Well. That was an incredible essay and time well spent away from my dissertation :D if you managed to read ALL of that, pop in & say hi! I sound like a douche but I promise you I'm not (always) one ;) and inbox me so I can thank you and apologise for making you read all of that LOL.