Don't do these things and I will immediately love you.

1.) Instant message me and ask me if you're pregnant because you're craving a certain thing you've never craved before.

2.) Listen to me rant about my feministic views... and then tell me that my vagina needs a monologue.

3.) Pour a small amount of milk into your bowl because you don't want to let the cereal sit.

4.) Ask me if your fart stinks at 4 AM, as if I would actually consider understaking that investigation.

5.) Force me to drink water when I want that damn Diet Pepsi, you health freak.

Basically, if you're not Whitney, I will love you. Kind of.