When I was a child I was so scared of churches that my mum used to shriek and pull my hat over my eyes every time we went past one.

 

I love them now.

 

The two most important things about me are that I am left wing and I am gay - I get sick to death of homos who say 'Sure, I'm gay, but it's not the most important thing about me!' Nope. Sorry, girls - I suck cock!

 

The beach in winter is my place of worship - there is no better place in the world to meditate.

 

I was born in Lancashire and I'm pretty proud of that.

 

I recently moved to Jersey to be with my other half and I'm just starting to get acclimatised to it.

 

My favourite artists are Paula Rego and Tex Avery - if I could paint as well as either of them I would be a happy man. Not that I am NOT a happy man anyway - I am.

 

I am a ridiculously big fan of They Might Be Giants. Most people only know them for the song 'Birdhouse In Your Soul', which they think is quirky - I happen to think it's the most profound song about love ever composed - and I'm not taking the piss there.

 

I think Alison Goldfrapp looks like Latka's Wife off the American sitcom, Taxi.

 

Speaking of America, unlike most left wingers, I don't think America is Satan. I think it's the land of the best and worst of everything.

 

My best friend is a New York wop who sometimes lives there and sometimes lives in Hamburg - so that's handy.

 

I used to have two cats called Lemmy and Angus, but they now live in Sheffield.

 

I used to write speeches for David Blunkett - something I am not especially proud of.

 

I wish I was taller.

 

That's enough for now.