I've tangled with some contemptible sneaks, but that has nothing to do with what we're talking about today: Jemifus. Jemi - M@THERF$#@%@#$ - FUS, man. I know what you all are thinking: this Jemifus cat is HARD. 185 pounds of PURE GRISTLE, with HOT BACONY DISDAIN flowing through his veins INSTEAD of blood. And you wo… Read more

I've tangled with some contemptible sneaks, but that has nothing to do with what we're talking about today: Jemifus. Jemi - M@THERF$#@%@#$ - FUS, man. I know what you all are thinking: this Jemifus cat is HARD. 185 pounds of PURE GRISTLE, with HOT BACONY DISDAIN flowing through his veins INSTEAD of blood. And you would not be wrong. Let me tell you another thing, though, man. This HARD FELLA who you all know as Jemifus has the heart of the most lyrical of lyrical bohemian poets - like if you would pair Bob Dylan with Joan Baez, and divide what you get by Peter, Paul AND Mary. This HARD FELLA, who when Cheers went off the air just BAWLED AND BAWLED, TREMBLING like a baby blue jay in a fearsome WINTER SQUALL. Me and using_the_whole_fist_doc could do nothing but hold him until he cried himself to sleep, and then lay him down with the MOST SOFTEST AFGHAN we could find. The next day, when we all awoke, we found Jemifus gone. He had taken one of the snowmobiles, and we later learned he spent days taking down reindeer with his BARE HANDS to renew his spirits. You punks think you know JEMIFUS, when all you punks know is NUTHIN.