John couldn't be more LEGO unless his hands turned into yellow C shaped removeable parts, and he only ate tiles and started $***ing old grey bricks. Yeah. We won't even get into Belville. Truly, he is a decent sort of scarecrow. (If you're into that.) I would probably hug him if we met. Then punch him.... Then hug … Read more

John couldn't be more LEGO unless his hands turned into yellow C shaped removeable parts, and he only ate tiles and started $***ing old grey bricks. Yeah. We won't even get into Belville. Truly, he is a decent sort of scarecrow. (If you're into that.) I would probably hug him if we met. Then punch him.... Then hug him again, because he's got junk on me I can't let get around.. Still, I think he owes me coffee. Or at the very least, jewelry.

John fights bears. Truth, baby. For real, I know lotsa' people who fight bears; but, dude, John REALLY fights bears. Royally. The guy EATS them when he's done! I once saw a pic John posted on Flickr of a polar bear he took on Main Street in his home town. I asked him, "what's up with that?" He told me, "Mike-asa… Read more

John fights bears. Truth, baby. For real, I know lotsa' people who fight bears; but, dude, John REALLY fights bears. Royally. The guy EATS them when he's done! I once saw a pic John posted on Flickr of a polar bear he took on Main Street in his home town. I asked him, "what's up with that?" He told me, "Mike-asaur, that bear had a funky swagger to his step, so I thought it best to smack his bitch up Victoria style." Then, OMG, John linked me to the "after" pic. All I can say is, I've NEVER had such a craving for polar bear steaks since. John is a force of nature, and that's the truth, Ruth. Say what? You callin' me a liar? Come over here so I can give you a jolly good John'ing, you son of a bitc...