June 2, 2014

I'm a trans woman in transition who likes to take a lot of vanity and creative photos and share them with the world here. :)

Crossdresser or trans woman?

I used to identify as a crossdresser, but somehow I always knew there was more to my need to be feminine than just occasional crossdressing. It just took me a few years to peel back the layers of years of social conditioning, confusion, etc. and get to my true self, buried deep inside. It was a lot easier to believe I was a crossdresser. One doesn't need to rearrange their whole life as a crossdresser (not that it's all cake or anything). As a trans woman, I do indeed have to rearrange my whole life, quite a daunting task (or many, many daunting tasks over a period of time).

Coming out to everyone has been bitter-sweet

As I write this, I'm finally out to my entire family. My wife was the first to know, of course. I came out to her in 2008, as a crossdresser at the time. I had to come out to her again in 2013 after many months of battling with myself and finally owning up to the fact that I'm a trans woman who needs to live my life as a woman, period. She was much happier believing I was a crossdresser. She's not so happy about my "rearranging my life" to live full time as a woman. She doesn't consider herself a lesbian (like I consider myself to be). I'm not sure my marriage will last. Whatever she decides, be it to stay with me or part ways, I will always love my wife with all my heart. She will always have my love, friendship and support. I just want her to be happy. If it can't be with me, then with someone else - so long as she's happy. I love her so much.

My immediate family has been mostly supportive. My mother and brother have been very supportive. My father, who is a pastor at his local church told me he still loves me, but "disagrees with my choice". His church has a "decree" against LGBT people, to which he believes is "God's way". I disagree with that assessment, but that's where things stand with him. I love my father, but haven't been close to him since I was in the single digits. It's a bummer he feels this way, but it's his loss (in many ways).

Choice?

In regard to the "choice" - I never chose to be transgender. I only chose to be MYSELF. It was getting to the point where I could no longer go on with the "man facade" that I put on my whole life - a carefully rehearsed, calculated and executed "man act" I put on for the world to see. It was a survival skill. I never felt like a man. I just learned how to emulate "masculine" behaviors to try and "fit in" (fit in with people I believed would not accept me as myself). As I got older, it was either be myself, or get off the bus, and the last time I tried to "get off the bus", it almost worked. I'm not doing that again. I deserve to live a happy life and taking my own life ain't gonna provide that!

Public speaker and educator

In late 2013 I took a workshop to learn how to speak publicly about LGBTQ realities. I felt public speaking is what I was supposed to be doing. In December of 2013 I helped out with my first public educational program and have done several since. The work is very meaningful to me and I really enjoy it. It's what I'm *supposed* to be doing. It's something I envisioned myself doing years ago, before I had everything sorted out in my own mind, and now I'm living it! It truly is an honor to have the opportunity to speak publicly about LGBTQ realities, share my own personal story, meet countless people, learn, and make new friends along the way.

A long way to go yet

As I write this (June 2, 2014), I'm still working my day job in my male form. There are no legal protections in New York State for transgender people. I can literally be fired for being trans LEGALLY. Not cool NYS! Even so, I'd rather be rid of my facial hair before going full time. I'm undergoing electrolysis, a painful, expensive, and time consuming process. About 2/3 of my facial hair is permanently gone. I'm getting there. :)

My Cool Diverse Life

You can learn more about be on my website:

www.myCDlife.com

I don't have the time to update it as often as I'd like, but it's kind of an interesting history of my personal exploration of who I am, from crossdressing to self-discovery as a trans woman, and some random and humorous posts, too.

I Am Love

I believe that through love all things are possible. I not only believe it, but experience it daily! Never underestimate the power of love. Never place limits on who you can be or what you can accomplish. There are no limits... other than those you believe. Never let anyone else decide how you can life YOUR life. Always be kind to others. Always choose happiness. Always choose LOVE! <3

Namaste,

Gabrielle

Gender: Trans woman

Sexual orientation: lesbian (interested in women)

Age: over 40

Status: married (and I'm NOT looking for romance!)

Favorite color: black

Super power: LOVE