I am a llama farmer in the deepest depths of mid Wales.

I used to run a danger knitting centre in Buddleigh Salterton, but after coming 14th in the Death Tiddlywinks championships in Porkington last September, I decided to pack it all in and head west.

I still hold my season ticket for the Buddleigh fudgery near Ottery St. Mary, but find most of my days are taken up by llamas, farmers, and other small furry creatures from Alpha Centuri.