Cole Vassiliou suffers from re-entry shock after being kidnapped by aliens when she was seven. She spent six years living among a strange spiritually enlightened race before being banished to a secluded island occupied by bogans and fellow immigrants, locally known as Down Under. It is rumoured she was punished for her determination to find a way to have her cake and eat it too – by repeatedly throwing herself off the deep end.

Cole’s post Big Fat Greek Wedding life has made her an expert in useless life lessons and dystopian advice. In spite of this, she continues her pursuit of literary awesomeness (and bending spoons using only her mind).

A little-known useless fact about Cole is that among various phases of study, she undertook a subject on classical elfish literature – which she somehow passed even though she can’t read, understand or speak the language of elves. She therefore thinks she may possess undeveloped paranormal superpowers. Still working on the spoon thing.