life long crossdresser who has finally come to terms with a struggle that has nearly drove me crazy at times.. now i am simply being me and loving it..I would tell you what i am but i can't put a label on it-all i can say is that what you see on the outside is a reflection of my inside .Now at the age of sixty, I am taking my journey further than I ever dared to go before. I started seeing a gender therapist and will be starting hrt soon with the goal of transition in two years or less. I am excited and scared at the same time but I know this is the direction I have to take. If anyone is reading this , don't be afraid to be yourself and take that first step. It gets easier and it's worth it .I had a girlfriend and towards the end of our relationship she brought up that I was always smiling when I was dressed. To me, that was when the light really came on and I realized that I was that person and how happy being that person made me. I haven't looked back since.. Time for an update if anyone is actually reading this. July 17 made one year on HRT and things are going pretty good. It's hard to believe some of the changes that have happened already and it's getting to the point that I get "mammed" a lot more than I used to and the kicker is that I don't have on any makeup and I'm dressed in work clothes and I usually have a do ragg on my head. I just smile and say thank you. Lol. Today I went to see a plastic surgeon and booked an appointment for October the 21st. I plan to have a tummy tuck,lipo, Brazilian butt lift and breast implants with assorted fat grafting. So, with that on the way I'm starting to realize that I'll be living full time as "Connie" . Trust me when i tell you that i am really excited about it . It seems like everything is falling in to place. I hope I'm not dreaming.. I had my surgery Thursday at the Cosmetic Concerige in Charlotte NC. Dr Hope is awesome and so are rest of the crew and I was blown away by her operation room. All I remember is laughing and smiling before the lights went out.. I don't remember anything after that and it was later that evening that I got to see her work. Even with the swelling my body is changed. I was crying because I am so dam happy. The last few days has been rough but tolerable and I've been getting up to go pee and just walk a little. Oh yeah, my junk swelled up and it looks like a really big sausage. That is normal but they didn't tell me that..lol have a urinal handy cause you will pee on everything..lol So other than that I am fine and it gets better every day. I Can't wait to rock a bikini this summer.. Well, here it is .Six months after my body mods surgery and I have to say that I learned a few things along the way. I don’t know if anyone else has the same reactions to an invasive surgery like a tummy tuck but I swelled up like a dead toad beside the road on a hot July day. The swelling will last anywhere six months to a year to some degree. Some people recover quicker and some don’t and I fit in the ones that don’t. My swelling has gone down quite a bit and I am very happy with the results so far and I can see the end results but it took a while. I still feel like I need more liposuction..lol After doing a little research on post op surgery tales, I realize that a lot of this is in my head and this is confirmed when I run into to people I’ve known for years and they don’t recognize me. I know a lot of people can’t afford surgery and I’m not bragging but just telling how much it has made a difference in my everyday life. I plan to do one more procedure and it is some work to my face. Nothing major just some fat injections and some lipo to get rid of my turkey neck. After that, it should be about time for the bottom surgery. July will make two years on hormones. I wish it were sooner but the coronavirus has put a lot of stuff on hold. I did retire from my job last week after 25 years. It was interesting working as Connie in a male good ol boy environment but we got along for the most part. There were a few that just kinda ignored me but there were more than enough surprises from people who I thought would never accept it. For most of them, it was a learning experience and I was someone they actually knew. The world is changing and it gives me hope for the generation after us. So today is May the 12th and I finally have a date with a surgeon on the 28th of June. My transition has been a slow ride but always moving forward and this is the next step in line. I just finished electrolysis down there and all I can say is ouch..lol My advise for anyone that plans on bottom surgery is to fit some hair removal in your schedule early so you’ll be ready. It can hold up your surgery. Three and a half months post op. I finally made it and the experience has been surreal. A big shout out to the UNC transgender care unit and thanks to Dr Figler for his amazing work. I spent a day and a half in the hospital and went home for a long weekend and returned the following week to have the packing and catheter removed. The catheter was in my opinion was the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. It always felt like I had to pee. I was surprised by the lack of any major pain. I never even took any pain meds other than Tylenol after I left the hospital. Dilation was terrifying at first but it’s really not a big deal as long as you do it consistently. There was a lot to learn quick and I’m glad I had the support and wisdom of some trans sisters who went before me. There is a lot of stuff that they simply don’t tell you so if anyone might actually read this and is considering surgery then send me a message and I’ll pass along some of those things you’ll need to know. So,now it’s back to living. Take the time to heal and don’t be in a hurry because it will take some time. I started back at the gym a few weeks ago but nowhere near the workouts I was doing before. Some of that equipment feels like your sitting on a pitchfork so take it easy.. The feeling I have now is one of peace with myself. That part of the dysphoria is gone.