Donna, I’m convinced, is a top-ranking agent of a national security agency for the Feds somewhere high up in a branch of government that purchases $3,000 golden toilet seats. Yeah, we know where that money is really going. People don’t take me serious, but I have strong evidence. Let me present my case. First, befor… Read more

Donna, I’m convinced, is a top-ranking agent of a national security agency for the Feds somewhere high up in a branch of government that purchases $3,000 golden toilet seats. Yeah, we know where that money is really going. People don’t take me serious, but I have strong evidence. Let me present my case. First, before I could even establish communication with her, she ordered an agent by the name of Nead that must do her dirty work, to rough me up. I was shoved into a dark confined room, and interrogated for hours on end until I cried for my mother’s assistance. Then I was whisked away and the next thing I knew, I was trembling on the ground in the middle of the jungle ducking arms fire. Donna has operated under numerous aliases, and until now, she has kept her secret identities under the radar. One as a talented hair stylist, but really an undercover hypnotist; just watch her scissors go back and forth… and her customers wonder why they won’t let anyone else touch their hair. She has been spotted in other capacities as an undercover agent. She was once spotted doubling as a trucker, in a ploy to uncover the smuggling of undocumented workers between key hotspots in North Carolina, such as Jose Caliente and Maria Frio in 2005. She also tried doubling as both an undercover high school student and high school teacher on the same day, and if it weren’t for computer expert Billy Sorenson, who is also an expert age-guesser to which the carnival folks pay great stipends for his money stealing capabilities, Donna would have gotten away with it. She was also spotted as a superstar mother, spending quality time with her children at the beach with her camera at her side. Observers were too naïve to realize she was actually collecting radiation samples near suspicious tourists in collaboration with the port authorities and the coast guard. Most notable of her accomplishments, she is a crafty thief. First, I caught her red-handed committing identity theft against my own Aunt Irene. First, she built a high-dimensional flux capacitor to tap her phone and steal her voice wave signature, and implanted it inside her vocal chords. And then she had the nerve to call me up the day after my birthday to wish me a happy birthday. Like I wouldn’t figure it out, since my Aunt Irene calls me at 7AM on my birthday every year sharp. All jokes aside, Donna is a truly genuinely awesome person, friend, counselor, advisor, listener, storyteller, joker, comedian, mother, aunt, you name it. It’s an honor to have met her and to have nearly caused her to crash her car from texting while driving in a near sleepless stupor. ChElDo gives so much more than she receives, and because of her endless service to those who know and cherish her, is the most recent inductee into the cool people hall of fame.

Well, this just isn't fair. You see, I know ChElDo personally IRL. I mean I have actually looked her in the eyes, talked to her, and then punched her so hard it left bruises that lasted for weeks. That's just the type of effect she has on people. ChElDo is a top-notch hair stylist. She is the only person I will let … Read more

Well, this just isn't fair. You see, I know ChElDo personally IRL. I mean I have actually looked her in the eyes, talked to her, and then punched her so hard it left bruises that lasted for weeks. That's just the type of effect she has on people. ChElDo is a top-notch hair stylist. She is the only person I will let even touch my hair. Now, don't read anything into the fact that there are no photographs of me in existence as having anything to do with her abilities as a stylist. It's not like I'm just making this crap, uh, testimonial up to make her happy or anything. I'm just shy. Yeah, that's it...shy. ChElDo is wonderful mother. Really. Now I know you are saying, "Wait just a minute Jason. Isn't her daughter on the road with a traveling band of gypsies and her son in prison?" Well, while that may be true, it really shouldn't reflect on her abilities as a mother. Doctor's have attributed both of her children's behavioral problems to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Granted, she boozed it up pretty good while she was pregnant with her children, but once they were born she was the model mother excepting her arrest on child abuse charges four years ago. However, that can be explained by alien abduction and even though the courts didn't believe her, that doesn't mean we shouldn't give her the benefit of the doubt. ChElDo is a hard worker and a dedicated employee. In fact, just the other day she called me after she woke up at work and said to me, "You know Jason, these kids almost teach themselves." But I guess this is supposed to be a testimonial about her abilities as a photographer. So, let me limit myself to that subject alone: SYSTEM ERROR: Premature end of testimonial reached.

ChElDo is more than just a great photographer, she's a great person, you can tell by her photos that she enjoys life and enjoys capturing it for others to see. She's a caring mother and friend to her kids. She's quick to offer advice and helps out wherever she can. She can leap tall buildings in a single bound. She ha… Read more

ChElDo is more than just a great photographer, she's a great person, you can tell by her photos that she enjoys life and enjoys capturing it for others to see. She's a caring mother and friend to her kids. She's quick to offer advice and helps out wherever she can. She can leap tall buildings in a single bound. She has the ear of congress and the U.N. won't make a move until they have her approval. She can travel through time. She's an expert safe cracker. She knows the entire lyrics to every song by Dean Martin, Phil collins, and Sir Mix-A-Lot. Ninja's fear her. Movie stars ask her for her autograph. She drove the rats out of Norway but was kind enough to leave the children alone. Mother Theresa used to calll her for advice. She invented KFC's secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. That, and her kid has a four wheeler, how cool is that?