So....a little about me....

At time of writing I am 64 going on 65. I am a closet crossdresser with a particular desire to be a lingerie model. I adore the anticipation, preparation and process of making my transformation from me (male...... just in case you're in any doubt!!!) to female. Those of you who go through this procedure will know well and appreciate both the effort that goes into trying to feminise and the utter thrill that is slipping on those heels and presenting in front of the mirror (or camera) and seeing one's self as the woman we crave to be. It doesn't always go to plan, but every now and then it all falls into place. Tits, hair, nails, perfume, accessories, make-up, nylons...... and heels, oh my how I love my shoes..... and my nylons.......and my corselettes...... I make no apology when I tell you that for me, this is one of my life's greatest pleasures. It is a thrill, a rush like no other.....it can be sexual, but doesn't need to be, I like to look sexy, I love the attention, I love my many friends...... and yet, it can be a curse too. In my world, it has the potential to destroy my relationship with my wonderful partner and both our families. For this reason I am only able to enjoy Beth on limited occasions, I have to be 100% super cautious and my fear of being discovered is very real. I struggle with my deceit and often toil with the question of whether I am in some way being unfaithful. Beth has never met a soul before, and as much as she'd love to share the company of other girls like me, it's unlikely ever to happen. I cannot bear the guilt of living any more of a dual existence than I already am.

She (Beth) keeps me awake at night, she spends a disproportionate amount of my savings on clothes and she takes up way more of my time than anything else. She is an addiction. A beautiful addiction. I love her. When I see her in her lingerie, looking super sexy, feminine and gorgeous.....I want to make love to her. She is, and will for ever be, my lovely Beth. My absurd deception, my fantasy, my exquisite secret......my gorgeous girl.