2020-12-03

I did a funny test today, here are the results:

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==

100% Rigger

99% Dominant

91% Brat tamer

83% Experimentalist

82% Degrader

81% Master/Mistress

80% Exhibitionist

78% Primal (Hunter)

76% Voyeur

69% Non-monogamist

68% Owner

49% Vanilla

43% Daddy/Mommy

43% Switch

34% Sadist

31% Ageplayer

26% Submissive

15% Brat

12% Rope bunny

8% Boy/Girl

6% Masochist

4% Degradee

1% Pet

0% Slave

0% Primal (Prey)

bdsmtest.org/r/QcTayZW9

2020-11-27

Time for an update........

As some of you know, I survived my cancer, but then fate struck and my wife suffered a terrible heart attack in December 2018. She barely survived and fought with her recovery after a terrible long surgery for months. She is my sunshine and the air I need to breath. Our business declined because we could not devote to it as we would have needed, our energy was needed for her rehabilitation (and mine). So, when Covid struck, we did not have the reserves financially to nurture our business back to bloom. Not being broke fore the first time in our life, we did what every optimist does, when he falls down: We stood up, cleaned away the dust and started a new! We launched a new venture in July and it´s amazing what the the need to fight as a team can do to your psyche, body, soul and partnership. We both barely feel that we have ever been ill, in fact it seems we lost some years of age in the process, LOL! Even this second lockdown does not affect our new venture so far. Three crosses for that! As our new business seems to start run smoothly now, I hope I can spend a bit more time here again now. No promises.......I want to thank all my lovely friends here for their concern and how they welcomed me back. I love you all!

03-16-2018

I guess I should really update my profile, so much has happened since the last one. My wife has come to fully embrace my Ailana-side and even initiates some girl to girl side with me sometimes. She made one condition however, Ailana will stay at home and with her exclusively. She to much fears our friends, family and acquaintances learn about our secret and we become a laughingstock. At this point of life I would not care about this to happen, but for her sake and for what I have put her through with my keeping this side a secret from her, I accommodate her in this and happily so. I guess in this I am much more fortunate than so many of us. Astoundingly this whole affair did not drive us apart but bonded us even stronger together.

Our partners are the only persons in our lives we choose to be together with.Children, parents and family are god-given.

The other thing that changed my life is my continuing struggle against cancer. Tumors are breaking out, treated with surgery and chemo......retreat, even vanish ....and break out again. It´s somewhat tiering and trying :-) Right now I am really well and you could say I am alive and hail on probation LOL. However my wife and my family keep me in good spirits and help me to maintain a positive outlook. Not at least my escapes into femininity give me an outlet from stress and a much needed relaxation.

I wish you all all the best.

Kisses

Ailana

I always thought, I could do without this, but reality showed me it is necessary, so here it comes:

WARNING: Any institutions using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You do NOT have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this.

-----///\\------Please

----///--\\\----put this

---|||----|||----on your

---|||-- -|||----profile if

---|||-- -|||----you know

----\\\--///----someone

-----\\\///-----who is living with, survived

------///\-----or has passed away from

-----///\\\----cancer.

----///--\\\---Thank you

In case you are interested in more about me, please visit this site:

ask.fm/ailananata

Update 2015-02-14

As it seems, you have to bear me some more time :-)

I want to say a big THANK YOU!!!! to all my friends who supported me through a very difficult time in my life. I really do believe that the strength to overcome the cancer came from the positive attitude toward life and I had not have this attitude without you. I am still not my old self, but getting better every day.

Yes, I am still living out my feminine side with my wife and at home, but I do not feel ready yet to post new pic´s........a girl has it´s pride when it comes to be seen public again :-)

Update 2011-06-18

O.K., it´s been a while since the last update!!!!

Yes, a lot can happen in a year.

The most important thing for me is, my wife and I found a new balance. She has come to understand that I am still the same person she married (I had a feminine side then and have it still....). She still is not happy with my dressing all the times, but on some occasions she even asks me to dress and then we have a lot of fun together as two girls. I belive, she will never be ready to go out with me as a woman, but I can easily live with that restriction. She fears to much some people we know might see me in feminine attire and she is to ashamed for that. Anyway, I´m more happy than before, as I can share my secret with a person I trust in and have not to lie about it anymore.

New Update 2010-07-12

My wife found out, Ailana is still alive! She did not run away in the first place and now we are trying to sort out a way how we are able to live with my "habbit" and not to loose our love.

One thing she begged from me is to quit being in the net as Ailana for now, so I will not be here unti she might be fine with it ....or we are parted.

Hugs to all of you

I enjoyed the time with you and needed the confidence you gave me.

Ailana

Hi everyone!

because someone felt upset by my pic´s (not that there is any nudity!!!) I had to set the saftylevel of my pic´s to "restricted", so if you can´t see them anymore, don´t blame me, but someone else, LOL.

Update 2009/05/08

It was really time for an update. I did not have as much time as Ailana, as I longed to have in the last months and I fear it will stay that way for some more time. My family and me settled back to Germany, near Frankfurt. We built a new business, bought a new house (LOL, actually an old one and re-created it until it was semi-new). Now we are trying to find back into a normal day-routine, wich will take some more time. I hope to be a little bit more "me" again in summer. What else? I´m happy!

Ohh, yes, as I´m often asked about my vital stats, here you go: Actual with my corsetted waist I´m down to 23 inches (58 cm), uncorsetted 27 inches (68,5 cm) I stand 6,00 ft (183 cm) in my stockinged feet (allthough I prefer them with HigHeels, LOL), eyecolour Hazel, Haircolour, (mhmmm prefered) brunette, weight (never ask this a girl, we always are lying in this, LOL) down to 73 kg (161 pounds). Some of theese stats have drastically changed since I restarted to dress this time. Two months before my first pic in this stream, I had 105 kg (231 pd) and no waist at all (LOL, I had not have the nerves to measure it). Then I decided, that I want to pic up my dressinghabit again and exercised and dieted. As I had a goal for my diet, I managed to loose 20 kg in two months until I finaly could look int a mirror dressed as a girl for the first time since long and say: "not yet good, but bearable!" My corsetted waist at that time was 30 inches (76 cm), uncorsetted 35 inches (89 cm).

Update 2008/10/07

I had to set the safetylevel of my fotostream to "middle", in order to avoid deletion of my profile. Some people feel offended by the nature of my pic´s (and probably the nature of my personal being too), allthough there are no nude or even pornographic pic´s! So, if you can´t see my pic´s anylonger, please blame it to those intolerant people, that can´t let live others, who don´t harm anyone, the way they want.

Update 2008-08-27

I really enjoy the conversations by mail I have with some of the other girls around here. If I could only double my free time (real life is so nice too, I do not want to cut short either).

I´ve joined too interesting sites recently (I know, many of you know them) If you want to look at my profile there here are the links: www.tvchix.com/view.php?user=ailananata and www.transglobal.tv/ailananata

Now please let me thank all the beautyful girls around here, you really make me happy, just for being here and sharing thoughts, emotions and PIC´s (Yes, I love to view!). It´s a miracle to me, howmany likeminded caring and friendly people gather here!

One last thing for now, I´m very fluttered, so many visitors seem to like the pic´s of ugly me so much, they even collect many into their favourites. If you do so, I´m proud and would love that feeling even more if you leave a comment too.

Hugs

Ailana

___________________

PROFILE

O.K., My story is very similar to that of so many others here.

I had been dressing on and off since my early childhood. I always fellt the urge to live my feminine side too. When I left the house of my parents at 18, I had a small wardrobe and little expiriance in dressing, but a good complexion, and a trimm figure. By the time I met my wife eleven years ago, my wardrobe was extended and so where the numbers of selfmade pic´s. Although, like allways in my life, I dressed only at home in the closet.

Soon after we met, we married as I realy was -and still am- mad of love for her.Like so many, I hesitated to tell my wife about my longings, threw away most of my feminine items and tried to live a "normal" life. Two years went by without any "session" at all. Then the urge to give my feminine side some place on earth again was to much to bear, so I started to dress again, very hidden and caucious. I thought on and on about telling my wife, always fearing her reaction, for over three years, until finaly I took all my bravado and told her.

---- Desaster -----!!!!

We nearly broke and our marriage was on the brink of divorce. My beloved and caring wife could and still can not accept that I´m not only her husband and a "man", but a woman (at least in my imagination) too. Although loving me too, she only comitted to go on in our partnership if I cut of my feminine side, threw away all my feminine belongings and (to ensure I will never dress again) let grow a beard, at leasr a mustach.(Nowadays Photoshop can help with that alittle but not in reality)

So here I am now, I´m well in my thirtys too much weight, early balding , married to a still wonderful wife and father of two nice Kid´s entering their teens soon. living a perfect "normal" life in a nice neighbourhood.

But every time theese last couple of years there was "she" , staring back at me from mirrors, visiting me in my dreams, whispering in my ears, to follow her on a forbidden, but joyful road. In the last months this whispering grew louder and louder until it wasn´t ignorable anymore.

So a week ago, I started to dress again striktly in the secret, always fearing to be detected. It would be the coup de gras for our perfect mariage, if my wife ever finds out.

At last let me tell you a lttle bit about my sexual orientation. I am a man. I love and adore women (my own wife in first place). If I where a real woman I would be gay, because I´d still preferre other women. This was simple, wasn´t it?

But as I´m a human beeing and all humans are anything but simple (and only in this infinity variety we are created equal), when I´m in my fem-mode, I have to be honest, I sometimes fantasize to make out with a man eventualy as a girl.

Besides that I´m in intimate-jewellery, BDSM, Roleplays, fetishwear and sure enough many other kinks. And all theese things I´m in as well as a girl or in my "real" life as a man and fortunatly sharing this with my wife.

I hope my looooong writing wasn´t too boring for you, and my openness about my longings did not offend you, but if you didn´t want to read this, you had allways the opportunity to leave immediatedly.

I hope everyone here is tolerant enough to accept me here as I am and no one feels the urge to attack me or others verbaly for what we are.

Please understand, that my full facepic´s are limited to "friends" only.

All my best wishes to all of you.

Ailana

P.S. As I´m now here a few day´s, I´ve come to realize, that there are many men out there, that like to look at my pic´s and try to add me as an friend. Allthough I feel a little fluttered by that, thats not my cup of tea. So, sorry dear guys I won´t add you too. It may be your way to show your dick to each other and thats perfectly o.K., but I don´t like to do that and I do not want to see your´s. I´m sorry, so please, if you are a man in man´s cloths please don´t be disapointed, if I don´t add you back.

All the best for you

Ailana