Not quite tall enough (5'11 and 3/4" ). Not quite clever enough, so after being a copywriter and broadcaster I became a caretaker in a stately home. Not quite young enough, so I somehow got to be over 60 last year. Not quite forward enough, so I'm completely useless at asking women to go to bed with me, even when I know they really want to and are just waiting to be asked. (They usually propose to me afterwards and I have no way of saying no.) Not nearly rich enough, and what I have leaks out at a mystifying rate. Not quite organised enough, so I have trouble processing two pieces of paper simultaneously.

But I do have a degree in Photography.... just. And a loving heart, if only I could find where I filed it....