i sometimes hate life would be somewhat going on no matter what, like nothing happened. im afraid that i will be losing myself or wouldnt be able to define myself through writing, one of my biggest ambition in my life. i admire emil azar, who said "im now satisfied since ive completely expressed myself through writing" , and have been trying to have such a spirit. however, life isnt easy at all. the bottom line is that life shouldnt be easy, but i sometimes cant help feeling helpless and empty.