AGE 0. - Born already with hair and teeth

AGE 1. - Grows thick bushy beard and starts to use foul language

2. - Starts reading novels but only crap - Carl Hiassen, etc.

3. - can play the saxophone admirably and becomes British "Connect 4" champion.

4. - learns to walk.

5. - Takes a job as a window cleaner to subsidise private schooling

6. - Fails cycling proficiency test

7. - Learns to play badminton

8. - Gives up badminton. Takes up wrestling

9. - Gives up wrestling.

10. - Gains First Class Honours degree in Archaeology from Cambridge University

11. - Fails to find a job

12. - Becomes mentally ill

13. - Dies.

I've been through a lot. I'm 18 now.