Steven was born in 1840, the illegitimate son of the Mayor of Florence, Italy, and an aspiring gelato waitress. After losing both of his parents to a tragic accident at the lemon factory, Steven was forced to move in with his stern, taskmaster uncle, Lyndon J. Wakerhemendater, at the age of six. Twelve more years of st… Read more

Steven was born in 1840, the illegitimate son of the Mayor of Florence, Italy, and an aspiring gelato waitress. After losing both of his parents to a tragic accident at the lemon factory, Steven was forced to move in with his stern, taskmaster uncle, Lyndon J. Wakerhemendater, at the age of six. Twelve more years of starvation, beatings, and fundamentalist home-schooling hardened Steven to the world, and left him with little hope of ever finding purpose or love in his life. All of that changed, however, when Steven met an obscure Venetian sociology professor, Andrew Carelli, whose outstanding skills in teaching and fantastic sense of humor were far overshadowed by his ability to balance three Buicks on his head (not longways, but as the Buicks stand on the road, you know what I mean). Steven was so impressed by Andrew's strength that he found a new drive in his life: from then on, Steven aspired to become the first man to do exactly the opposite: stand on top of his head ON TOP of three Buicks turned upside down and stacked on top of each other. He was never to acheive that dream. He couldn't try to pursue that dream in Italy, however. By disco dancing on the streets of Florence over the next six years, Steven saved enough money to purchase a boat ticket to the United States. However, Steven didn't bargain on meeting the love of his life, a 26-year-old French trapeeze artist named Celine. Upon arriving in New York City, the two were promptly married and raised a family of six children. As the Civil War broke out, Steven volunteered his services for the Union Army. He risked his life repeatedly while racking up 73 confirmed kills, and was instrumental in the battles of Chancellorsville and Gettysburg. He was also in charge of serving drinks to Generals Grant and Lee at the negotiations at Appomattox courthouse. Steven died shortly after the war, leaving behind a legacy that will be remembered for generations. Although he died over a century ago, he still regularly contributes photos to the Flickr website. Celine went on to remarry eventual Socialist candidate for President David K. McReynolds.

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