I'm probably a pretty "standard" cross-dresser, t-girl, tranny and or transvestite, I started when I was five, playing dress-up with my mother which joyfully continued until I was thirteen. I would go to the drugstore with her while my brother was at guitar lessons and pick out a pair of pantyhose, a color i did not have yet and some blush or eye shadow to play with and maybe go down the street and look at dresses, time permitting. My heart would race and skip so many beats that I thought I was going to have a heart attack on the way home knowing that as soon as i got there I would be able to play with the bag of "goodies" hidden under the back seat. On Sundays, if we were alone, I would get up early, take a bath, put on a pair of pantyhose, some "I Dream of Genie-esque" light blue and gold trim slippers, and a full length slip and meet my mother in her room. She would be in nylons and an old school white bra she would smile at me and we would say little to each other except talk about the craft. I would practice dressing her and she would correct me as I went, next it would be my turn to pick out a dress for myself and we would spend hours playing with make-up. Before I go further I must say that this was NOT a sexual situation and I was NOT turned on by dressing with my mother, she was only open to my interests and found an outlet we both enjoyed and I became the daughter she may or may not have wanted. Soon after I turned thirteen my mother came into my room and took all my pantyhose, shoes, dresses and make-up and told me it was time to grow up now and these things should no longer be a part of my life (be a man!). If growing up meant that learning how to put on nylons, walk in heels and applying eye shadow, my repertoire at the time, was an eight year waste of time then I never wanted to grow up. I would soon after dress-up on any given chance, on a bet, for Halloween or just to go out driving at night. At fourteen I got a job at a Benjamin Franklin store and worked my way into the HBA department, I would dress-up for company Halloween parties and won three first places in a row. In college I would add to my wardrobe then in a night of stress, anguish and guilt i would throw everything away, how terrible that was, all three times. Later when I turned twenty-five my mother passed away and I never got to talk to her about these feelings I still have and the lifestyle that I continue to embrasse even more as I sit here in skirt and heels, fourteen years later typing this profile.

Friends, friends and more friends, when my mother passed I immediately began going girl on a weekly basis and I decided if I were to stay sane I had to introduce Arica to my closest girl friends, I have many, I took each one separately out to dinner and drinks (many, many drinks). I didn't lose a single friend, I love them all so much. I go shopping with them all, try on clothes, shoes but other than birthdays being far more fun it has not changed a single thing and I could not be more grateful.

Way personal... I am celibate and have been for over ten years, a decision I do not regret, it gave me chance to find out what is truly important to me... now is time for a change.

4 months later...

I haven't spent much time as I want to on my profile though I have spent much more time in dresses and shopping with the girls any chance I get . Things are changing, the more I dress up the more secure I am with myself. Three weeks ago I dressed up to the nines and visited 3 downtown bars by myself, I've never done anything like that before and it felt wonderful, Arica is far more outgoing than I thought.

Today...

I am ready to take another big step in this incredibly wonderful transition, I am considering hormones and I am actively looking for a job where i can dress as a woman, financially this is a tough endeavor but I need to be happy with who I am and if this will help me on the way I am ready to try. I hope anyone who reads this and has advice good or bad to please send me a email, I am very excited about this decision and I plan to keep adding photos of the progression. For now its still a dream but I plan to dedicate all extra funds to this progression. I now dress as a woman as much as possible, Most of my friends know, this was very hard to do but so worth it, I have nothing but support for them and I cant say enough about how liberating that was. I have not been dating, still not into relationships but I think some contact with another transgendered person or other may need to happen, there are things that I wish to learn and only one way to do that.

Arica