Hi there, I am Jen, I am a girl about town!, and I am old enough to be your mum!

 

I seem to be using this as a blog/diary, make what you will of that....the order is a bit squiffy at the beginning (ie the bottom), so if you are that interested in reading this check what date you are at!

 

October 2022

 

For now, and it seems for a good time now I am settled being me, I seem to have a found some balance, I love and I need to me Jennifer, my experiences (not all good tbh) have determined that this is the way I have to be, I accept it and I am beginning to enjoy things a bit more. I am lucky to have some very accepting friends (and neighbours) who somehow seem to accept me and we just get on. Some friends (and neighbours) take this further and accompany me when I present as Jen, at first this was special, and it still is, but tbh, it just feels normal to be me now (I present as Jen at home most of the time).

 

If I transitioned fully I know there would be consequences I don't want, losing people, but I present as Jen so much that the day to day stuff would have very little difference, to a great extent I might as well be transitioned, the delivery drivers or door callers are used to me, Jen is quite at home at home!.

 

Life is still like spinning plates remembering to plan things that I am doing in boy or girl mode, the boy in me still goes out the most by far still, I am Jen at home so planning events is major thing so that boy/girl events do not clash, and that I get changed with plenty of time (so I don't forget to take mascara off!!!!, or have time to do my makeup!. Planning what to wear is this a boy or girl day/event? can be a complicated where they are close or even sometimes on the same day.

 

Washing is a chore, there is more girl washing than boy stuff, my partner says its like having two people in my house, even in the bedroom! that is part joke and I know part serious, it is part of the complication she deals with, and seems to accept that what we have is good and we will make the best of what we have!

 

I am happy like this but it is hard work at times balancing everything.

 

May 2022

 

I cannot believe a year has gone by since my last update here, some of that is probably due to not using FLICKR so much, I have started a web site, and also use IG a little. I am very much out and about now, a much more understanding relationship with my partner, and even with my self. I am Jennifer pretty much full time at my home, it is a situation that I need to have and my partner understands. We have a very loving relationship, love, caring and support, and it is something that we both work at.

 

One of the major things that has happened for me in the last 2 years is HRT, due to prostate cancer, it is all cleared up, but the after care carries on for years! There are benefits obviously, but HRT did do strange things to my mindset at times, an issue that makes me wonder whether to pursue HRT further, I have a lovely pair of buds (nearly boobs), until you have them you don't realise what they do to you. My whole physiology is still, even 15 months after stopping HRT, a bit weird, my physiology feels completely different to the way it was before HRT, my body reacts very differently to the way it used to. I have been investigating taking HRT further to enhance myself, but am aware of the whole HRT scarcity issue at the moment, plus covid plus everything else, call that lot ...excuses......maybe, but together they all add up to make me cautious. (I am doing this under clinical supervision).

 

having said the above I have tried some self-medication, Spironolactone 3 months and Estradiol (one month), which seem to be available (if that is what they actually are!). I know I should be careful, I am due a blood test very soon as a part of my clinical care this will cover the HRT stuff, that will determine some of whether I go further on HRT, either clinical supervised or even solo.

 

In day to day mode, I have bumped into my neighbours more than ever before, I really don't have any problems, we get along very well, i.e. Jennifer and her neighbours just get on with life with each other. As i write this i wonder do I want to take this to full time.....but I always think that I would lose a beautiful relationship that means so much to me, I am stuck, but I am reasonably contented.

 

May 2021

 

Hmm....well that last entry was 15 months ago...i was very much out and about, I have had some medical stuff to deal with and then Covid happened, life has been quite a challenge, I met a friend in Mcr on 23 Sept 2019, it was supposed to be a girls night out, but everyone had busy diaries, so the two of us met, and the idea was to meetup again with the group...but it never happened. Life was full of doing things, getting my medical stuff sorted and alot of work.....and so come end of October 2019, Jennifer has had very few occasions out. It really has been a challenge to get me back to where I was, medical stuff has been out there and I think affected me. Come 2020 I had vey little Jennifer time, it felt strange just dealing with CV19, being Jennifer in that weird on my own time was busy(I had alot of work/jobs on), and I just did not give any time to Jennifer.

 

Aug 2019

 

Well it happened, I am working as Jennifer one day a week, no I am not full time, I don't think I will ever do that, but I most certainly have given myself more time to explore myself as Jennifer, and I have to say I enjoy the challenge. It means doing a number of things that are in reality quite normal on that special day I go to work! I get up early to shower and put my makeup on and then get dressed. I have a quick cup of tea and then drive to the station to take the train into Town. At Piccadilly I get a coffee because I need something to kick start my day, then I walk the 10 mins to the office and do my job...which I enjoy immensely..... i.e. working with and helping to support people through difficult times. I will pop out at lunchtime just to get a breath of fresh air, or a sandwich, some way to break the day up and give myself a change of scenery for a few minutes.....and the team I work with are fantastic, I am very grateful that they accept Jennifer so readily.

 

My journey home is interesting (to me), before which I may pop into the shops if I have time, the whole of Manchester beckons, it is very tempting to spend on a lot on clothes that I don't have the time to wear, so I am careful! On the train I seem to have got in the habit of taking the lounge seats, i.e. a facing 4 or 6 seat, initially because the train is so crowded it was all that was available, but as my experience has grown I have taken this as a challenge to put myself out there! So this week I saw a good friend on the train, but he did not spot me, and tbh honest I did not want to walk up to him and say hi, its me, he does not know Jennifer....what might happen, how would I feel, how would he feel. I would love it to happen...maybe it will soon, so many people do know Jennifer , but not everybody does. So that was an interesting experience that only last year may have may me very nervous, but now I just seem to lap up the challenge!

 

Jennifer is definitely and surely getting out there!

 

Jan 2019

 

I am feeling very good about me, 2019 will be a year of major change. I did start the process of transition about 6 years ago, but somehow I felt alone and lacking in confidence, so eventually I stopped, I even stepped back a few " manly" steps away from who I wanted to be, thinking it could never be. Alot has happened since then, a beautiful person came into my life, made me feel real, though sadly our relationship will now change, she will step away I think, my loss, I hope I can somehow keep her in my life. But this is inevitable, unstoppable, change is going to come, 2018 has been a year of resurgence of who I am and who I want to be. I have never felt more convinced that this is the right thing to do, the main driver seems to be the connections I have made with friends and colleagues at work, they have given me a tremendous level of strength and confidence. I have talked to more people about who I am through 2018 than in previous years. This is not just a fortnight fling, this has been going on for months, it is the feeling that I will make that journey.

 

Dec 2018 - Blocking People!

 

Sorry but just had to block a few people, sorry but if you only show body parts or your intenstions are purely of a predatory/sexual nature I will block you, whatever you may think, my intentions of having a presence here on Flickr are to explore my gender and share that journey with like minded people.

 

Nov 2018

 

(Dec) A quick update that pictures of me out and about in public with friends etc feel safer with other social media.

 

Life for Jen is good, but is also a challenge........ not for me..... but if you like ...a challenge for other people who I think struggle to really understand the Trans world (or even the whole LGBT world). I would not normally feel the need to express anything except that I feel in some way that they should know better, or at least have the awareness to listen and hear who I am and the way I have to live to be able to be Jen.

 

Serious stuff over......for now......so I am getting out as Jen a little more this last few months than say the previous couple years. I am not sure how or why, and I am loving it. I feel a little more confident I seem to be a little more daring in my interactions with people, definitely more chatty, I want people to have a good impression of the Trans community so Trans can be expereinced as just another normal branch of the world of people as far as the world of people I come across is concerned. This may be my next door neighbour, my g/f, the petrol stn attendant, shop staff or whomever, I want people to feel like Trans people are normal.

 

Some realism about who I am, or how I appear, I have had to update my wardrobe with some very practical stuff, so basic clothing like a new coat, some comfy shoes (they still look really nice!) and skirts/tops that work together. Some regrets here as I had a mini purge about 18 months ago, I thought I was being practical, but I did clear out some stuff that I regret letting go.

 

Sept 2018

 

Seem to be out and about a little again, I am tending to write what I am going through in my pictures, I like this as a blog format....lots going on for Jennifer, yes I still love being Jennifer, I am very proud of who she is, she has helped me become both the man and woman that I inhabit.

 

May 2018 (nearly June!)

 

OK a little update that I have obviously been experiencing the desire, and that word is so good at being what i feel....it is a desire ........to be the womanly part of me in a very strong way, more so than I can ever remember. My gf has understandably noticed, and it has changed our relationship, initially in a sexual way.....in a way that is a relief to me, I am not as one (knowing) close girl friend says...I am not an alpha male, but I know we (my gf and I) get on extremely well....so maybe that is what is happenng now (whatever that is?)....we still have massive commitment to each other, but maybe thngs are changing. Part of me is relieved, I want so much to be Jennifer, and yet, I want to understand how to take our relatsionship forward. It seems that we are not making any big decisions, we are just stating both....how we feel....and given the commitments we have already made and are determinedly planning to make, this feels like a very strong long lasting relationship in whatever guise, that is a great feeling.

 

May 2018

 

So much going on at he moment, lots of work is going so very well.... lots of inclusivity.... which is great, I am getting to work as Jen a little bit now which is so good I can't really believe it to be honest. I hope to be doing something work/support related at Sparkle this year!!!

 

I am sort of feeling a tide quite wonderous love for who I am and what I am, whilst also thinking ....wait a minute I did not plan this....who plans life! I suppose the key thing is I did not expect to get back to feeling about myself like this ever again after the last three years. I am feeling very warm and excited about me, but I am also wondering what happens around me and to the people around me. I love the people around me especially one particular young lady who over the past 3/4 years has changed my life, I am trying to work out why I feel the way I do when I have what is a perfect life with all the people and activities that I do. A thought has dropped into my mind that with all the stuff I do for other people, I am feeling that need to be Jen even more so now adn that being Jen gives me space that I need????.

 

I talk through everything I do with my partner, she doesn't not want to be a part of anything, she wants to know what I am doing but that is about it. I want to make sure she knows what I do as each activity does lend itself to some vulnerability, such as the fact that I do leave enter and leave the house in broad daylight as Jennifer. I suppose I wonder of she really does get it, do any of our partners get who or what we are.....it seems unlikely as I have trouble understanding me myself, and any TGirl blog you read will say the same thing that we have to be who and what we are without necessarilly knowing why.

 

Something in me makes me feel that this is more than any of the feelings I have had before, and those feelings are of course all about being a woman, or at least a Transwoman....all that Gendergate stuff going on at the moment, I must use the correct pronouns!.

 

April 2018

 

Getting ready to go out; so here is some not so deep thought, I have talked about what I love about being a woman so here is what getting ready is like for me. The whole ritual of getting ready makes me feel woosh, even thinking of the next opportunity of going out as I type this now gets that wooosh feeling. My makeup ritual starts with a bath or shower, shave my legs and any other areas that need attention, I look after my eyebrows too, not as much as I used to ...but I still take care, it makes a difference to my look, at least it does to me. I will use a perfumed shower gel just to add atmosphere for me, when I get out of the shower I will moisturise my face and legs, i tend to moisturise my face everyday. I do this as soon as I have towelled myself down, while I am still warm fom the hot shower/bath, it helps the moisturiser do its work.

 

I then start to dress, initially just knickers and bra, and get my hair ready, then its face makeup. Start with foundation, then usually mark out my eyebrows with pencil, then apply eye shadow. Usually three shades starting lightest colour first, then adding a darker shade on my eyelid, sometimes a third darker colour to the edge of my eyelid. This takes a while it sounds easy but there is a system I use, not enough space/time to go through here. I apply eyeliner next, again this takes ages as I have to reach inside the eyelid, and onto the very edge, there is alot of stretching and angling to get the liner in the right place, I still think it is a bit of a mess even after 16 years of applying makeup...I just realised have been doing this since 2002, gosh! I apply powder and blusher, and then my fave of all makeup jobs is mascara, I LURVE mascara, I don't know why, but I love what it does to my eyes, it is as good as lipstick, the final touch. I will apply a lipstick, and sometimes top it with lip gloss for a more blingy effect.

 

Its now time to get fully dressed, that depends on where I am going, whatever I choose, I generally go for girl about town, nothing too showy, I just want to mingle. One thing about getting dressed, what to do with my legs, bare legs are great, I really like the feel of my bare legs under skirts and dresses, the silky material of my slip or dress lining swishing about on my skin it is just another woosh feeing, but it has to be properly warm, my legs really feel the cold, so usualIy I wear tights. I do love wearing tights, the whole putting them on and making sure they are feeling comfortable in all the right places, top of legs and bum....it gives me such a woosh, but I take ages to choose which ones to wear. I will try about four pairs on before I am satisfied with my look, and I will take at least one spare pair ...and even change just before I go out, choosing tights really is a problem for me.

 

Finally shoes, and jacket/coat, usually they choose themselves, boots and long coat if the weather requires, or if it is going to be dry I can try something a little more fashionable. Then its just check my handbag for purse, phone, keys makeup, and essentials that we girls need when we go out and I am ready to leave the house...and drive into town!!!. I have bumped into my nextdoor neighbour before now, they didn't know it was me, or so he said....when I saw him as my drab self later he was everso easy going about it, as was his wife.

 

Feb 2018

 

Like all of us, I keep meaning to update this blog section, but never get around to it. Moments of deep thought in the last few months have brought me to realise what we all do, that being this way, being the person that we are, cannot be deleted! I am who I am and sometimes that person is Jennifer. Sometimes I need to be Jen to get over some stress, or because I am tired, I know this, and at other times, I just need to get dressed and float about, because I want to and because it makes mee feel so good. I have regular conversation with my g/f about Jen, she does not want to see or take part in anything of this nature which actually is ok by me at the moment, and probably will never be an issue for me.

 

There are some really great blogs out here talking about being TG in a boy/girl relationship, and the some of the complications, basically there are not that many women who when they find out that their b/f is TG, say great, lets go out and celebrate, here borrow this dress and wow you look great in my heels and jacket, no they are not going to instantly celebrate something that lets be honest theey do not quite understand, the response is usually a measured, what is going on here, maybe I don't want to hear any more of this, I need to think what this means for me (ie her)....may I say here that I am not doing this for attention seeking purposes, I don't think may if any of us do, it is just about the way we are!

 

It took me ages to summon up the courage to tell my g/f, and after there were alot of tears, as I kept stating that this was not a passing fad, it is me, I am not going to change.......... and here we are going very strong three years later. So why do I need to say anything....well I have determined that I need to keep stating who I am and how I am.....its why I like to shave my legs, its why I like to wear feminine clothes, put on makeup and perfume. I keep stating this because it can be a difficult thing to talk about. I can't imagine saying to my g/f so what is going on with your man life at he moment?, or maybe I can't imagine my g/f asking me what Jennifer is upto.....maybe something I think is due to the insecurities that many women feel, that they are made to feel, just think about the amount of advertising that is aimed at women and how they look!

 

So I will keep stating who I am, and this year I am Jennifer, like I was last year and the year before ......etc etc, I can't stop that. Why I have felt the need to write this I just don't know but it has been simmering for about 12/18 months, a long time, and I feel better for getting it out!

 

So back to being Jen...and hopefully doing something constructive as Jen this year.....maybe even Sparkle!

 

July 2016

 

I am feeling very lucky, I have a great relationship, and am feeling more accepting about myself! I am thinking of starting a proper blog, and using what I have written here as a starting point....I have spent that last year thinking that Jennifer would feel like going away once I had settled into a relationship, but as I am very aware for so many of us in this community.....being whatever we want to call ourselves (TG in my case)...that feeling, and that person does not go away....this conundrum would be the basis for my blog.

 

Life is very busy with my many and various jobs, something I might cover in my blog. I am also aware that in two of these jobs I have made my TG self a feature ....not openly, but again something I could cover in a blog. It seems that as I write this, dressed and made up as Jenn, that I am always looking at how I do all the things that I want to do in life, and at the same time keep Jenn involved. There is a chance for me to even do some work as Jenn, maybe I should take this up, that has a number of impacts.

 

Most of all I am feeling very lucky to be in the situation that I am in, both as me Jenn, and as my alter ego who is a man with a very full and happy life.

 

September 2015

 

Life is good, I have put up a picture my first in a long time, see piccie for more info, probably because I have not out been out as Jen for a few months, she is a part of me. I am happy where I am for now, I will see what happens...xx

 

March 2015

 

Doing a lot of pondering, life is very very good, I just want everything...but something will have to give, that is what I am pondering.

 

December 2014

 

Well its near the end of the year, I have had a great last 6 months in a fantastic relationship which I feel so lucky to be in, and which I hope continues. I don't know what the new year will bring, apart from lots of work ......that I do know!. I am lucky that I am doing something that means so much to me, and allows me to be involved with people that I care about. So roll on 2015, lets see what happens now :).

 

September 2014

 

It has been a very meaningful last few months for me, I have been lucky enough to find a great relationship, and whatever happens I am so glad, and I hope it continues, she is a special wonderful person.

 

I have also resolved that being Transgendered is what I am. This is not a fetish thing, I don't get turned on by wearing woman's underwear, but yes I do desperately need to wear female clothes, weird that I feel the need to present myself this way!. I have to be a woman....some of the time, if I do not allow this to be a part of daily life then I will struggle. I already find it a struggle not to share my gender, I think we all do, it does make everything more difficult to do.

 

That is the challenge. I feel like I want to go on to become a woman ...to go on hormones, transfer my relationship with myself , but then I find an excuse not to go......it would solve so many problems. I could then just get on with life!!

 

This is where I am, very happy actually, but pondering :).

 

August 2014

 

Well I am still dating a gorgeous young woman, but she does not want to know about my TG world ...I am not sure what that means yet, I was just so overwhelmed that she still wanted to stay with me.! So lucky me...what this has to hold for the future is still some time away, but she is an opportunity I don't want to lose. If I am honest I am confused, I never thought I would get to this point, I have had lots of therapy...and the outcome of that was basically to do what I am doing now and that life will be ok...and I am...more than ok, I feel fantastic, and tremendously lucky. What happens in our relationship regarding me and my TG world I am not sure.

 

I know I said I would be at Sparkle...and I didn't go.....I was in a definite boy mode then, and buoyed by the news that my g/f was still my g/f ! but be assured that my want to be a girl in whatever capacity is never going to go away. I was out with a friend the other night, I said to him, if this relationship did not work, I would have to go fulltime, move away from where I live (too many memories) and take Jennifer to the next level, makes me wonder why I said that, I could do it, but then would I become the woman I wanted to be and then eventually by some quirky fate want to become a man again? I am confused now more than ever!

 

I am always looking to see what happens next, I hope I am not losing what is in the moment right now. My very busy life has been even more so, since starting my studies, and then meeting a beautiful young woman, so house and garden have suffered. I am taking some time out to fix that now! As I write this everything seems very domestic and ordinary, no massive TG rant to go on about, but like I say I am confused. I don't want to hurt anyone, but most of all I don't want to hurt me, I reckon that if I look after myself I am looking after the people around me, its not selfish, its just being real.

 

Mid Aug 2014

 

I have noticed that the real me has not changed, despite what is happening around me. I can't change who I am, and what I am but the extent to how far I am, the person that I am, is reaching a watershed. We all have to make decisions, and I feel that I have to do that soon...in the next few weeks.

 

I got an email from someone who made some supportive comments thank you, if you read this I think you will know who you are. We all could do with support, its strange how little there is out there. I am thinking of friends and family who just seem to not say anything about who you are, and let you get on, when really all you want to do is talk about who you are. When people just don't say anything it hurts as much as when they do say something that is mean to be hurtful.

 

June 2014

 

I have been dating a gorgeous girl for about 9 weeks and we have got on so well....and being the person that I am I could not be in a relationship without being honest about Jen. So today an opportunity came up.....and she was so supportive I could hardly believe it!. There is a but, she is a wonderful person, and wants to talk to a friend, which is absolutely necessary, I don't know what the outcome will be, I really hope that she will want to continue, but will respect whatever she decides.

 

Apart from that life as Jen has been quiet since April/May because I have been studying so much for my course, and dating this gorgeous girl. SPARKLE looms and I am hoping I can get a spot with the Tacky Tarts....on the Friday...yes my GF knows about that too and is very supportive that I go, wow, absolutely mega wow!!!.

 

May 2014

 

It has been a busy and developing period, this last 3 months, life is very good and busy, lots of study and work...and a girl has come onto the scene, nothing major has developed, we have only been dating for 2 weeks, but, in the next week or 2 I will tell her about Jennifer.....and wait to see what happens. We have already had a deep and meaningful discussion, I think she wants more talk like that which tbh, I find so enlightening, it allows me to tell her what I am feeling, something many men do not do....maybe that is my feminine side coming out. I am worried .....because although I have the possibility of a gorgeous woman to be with....I know I need to be Jennifer too.......this has hit me quite hard, so much so that I am not sure how to approach this beautiful woman next time I see her.......what do I say....I've got great legs (yes we have not got that far yet!) ......I like red toe nails...and so does she btw! But really how do you start that conversation and leave room for consideration and the ability to stay in a relationship, and for her to feel like she is the right woman....I have about 7 days to work this out .....today is 26.5.14....and we are both busy for a few days till we next meet....what will she think of the real me....skinny, hairless and well a bit of a girl in places......she is gorgeous and very feminine. Hmmmmm...I need to ponder.......

 

February 2014

 

Not much to say except that I have played a couple gigs at Eden Bar, an open mic night, that was back in November, and just Sunday...23rd Feb. This was at Eden again, I will put up the pictures of this and a brief report. I also hoping to play the occasional gig with a girlfriend, we have lots in common (obviously)......but we also love to play guitar and sing, so it could work out to be a good way to get out and have some girl fun.

 

Like all of us I have ups and downs, but generally I have to say that life is good I have been very lucky in many respects. Of course my life and life style, gender identity or sexual orientation whatever it means in anybody's mind is just so important to me, and to the friends I have made in the community. It is important to have friends and be there for them, listen to them, you never know when you will need them to listen to you!

 

If you are reading this you are probably transgender, in which case I hope what I say means something to you. If you are one of those "interested" people, please take time think about this community its vulnerability and what it means to the individuals that make it. What you may realise is that you are really reading about any community, community is really important, it helps people and it is easy and simple to do, but it is very vulnerable, and right now community seems to be something that we do not crave enough of. I think I will stop there I could go on for ages I need to think a bit more...till next time whenever that is...but take care look after yourself.

 

December 2013

 

I will probably add some more to this month as we go along, but just felt the need to say something now!

 

So........ I have come out to some significant people that I work with, something I have been pondering on for a while as the ultimate risk to me would have been exclusion from something that I love doing and that I know I am good. As it turned out I could not have hoped for a more positive response from two people I admire and work with and one I count as a friend. Nothing changes is the first and most basic response, if anything there seems to be something of a stronger bond, particularly with my friend.

 

Perhaps I am lucky I do work with some very enlightened people...I work in the people business now......for that I think I am lucky. See earlier on re my career break...more on that later.

 

So having done that I can say that I really do feel so much happier with myself and some relief of course. The whole process has made me rethink some friendships, as I feel the need to ensure credibility amongst friends and family. So maybe there will be more changes, I need to ponder more on this.

 

November 2013

 

Sometimes I just so want to be that girl all the time...the one on these pictures!....I bet we all think that and then reality or something sets in and we carry on in the muddle of our lives. Well I have made so many changes to my life in the last few years, one or 2 major changes out of my control, and others set out by me......that I needed to take stock of everything, .........well I did and that was what all that stuff was about in July. I can't say that I have done anything revolutionary in my girl world as a mark of my progress, and I do have the occasional doubt as to whether this is the right thing for me, i.e. being a girl so much of the time, but it is the one world that works. It lets me be me, and to be accepted by those who need to know about Jen and it also allows me to explore that lovely female side of me that I seem to be getting so at ease with.

 

Some of the thrill has gone, (thanks BB!!) but I think that is normal, and to be expected...I sort of don't expect anything wonderful or mad to happen when I occasionally go out now....it is all quite a normal thing to do, either nobody has noticed enough to say anything horrid to me or no one is bothered by a bloke dressed up as a girl....a girl that I hope I make a reasonably good impression of .... when I can get it right.

 

Don't get me wrong I am still excited to go out as Jen and I always will be, but it is something I seem to be able to take for granted now.

 

I am still single, I am lucky to have a lot of girl friends, but somehow they are friends only ...I have this theory that they think I am gay, or at least certainly "safe" to go out with. Nothing wrong with gay, I wish I was sometimes but I am not.

 

So enough deep and meaningful stuff, and time for a cuppa and then get on with life and doing stuff that makes things happen!! ......and don't worry I will be doing it in a dress...for as much of the time as I can! xx

 

July 2013

 

Well hi there....it has been a long time!

 

I have been off the scene really since last August so nearly a year now....a number of reasons, I ran out of things to do ...there is only so much shopping you can do, and wandering around museums and galleries, or just wandering around town and drinking coffee....though I do like a nice cup of coffee. I really do like the time I spend being a girl (or whatever you want to call it), it feels like many things warm comfortable...safe...going around manchester city centre dressed as a girl safe??...but I love it...maybe I love the person? But like I say I needed something more meaningful...like a job that would allow me to dress up as a girl, there must be one out there!

 

I also thought I wanted to do something more boy meaningful, maybe even try some dating...that has been more difficult than I realised, I am so lucky...I have lots of girlfriends, but never seem to be able to actually date any of them....maybe a built in nervousness about my girl side....wow maybe they would love me dressed up....ok come on be serious !

 

So I guess that after trying to date girls and not being a great success it came to me after a weekend away with some lovely friends, just a couple days ago, to go out as Jen again and maybe come out of the closet a bit and see how people react...not done it yet....but that seems to have been brooding inside me for a while. It is likely to alienate some people, and be a non issue to others, I have my feelings about how things will go, and am at a point in my life wondering whether I really can keep this life a secret it is very difficult to be essentially two people ....it scares me that one day something will happen and I will find the impact of that event difficult to deal with, like I get spotted in a very public way, where as I can manage things if I come out of the closet under my own control...maybe I am a control freak!

 

Either way managing this situation seems better than letting it happen...you might think why bother...it won't happen, that public event!...I suppose that is not the point, I want more people to know, than those who already do...I would just feel more secure ultimately. Like I say I will alienate some people and there will be some loss involved no doubt...but what remains will be strong and meaningful relationships.....weird that...right now I am proud that all my friendships are strong and meaningful!......maybe there is nothing to worry about after all ?

 

January 2013

 

I have been away from the scene for a while, maybe I over did things in the first part of this year, being Jennifer and getting dressed too often or too much ...if you can do that, I think I confused myself as to who I am, and here we are many months on and I really miss it so I am sort of making up for things at the moment.

 

So after a thoughtful few months and a lot of talking ..that's another story, for another time, I have come to the perhaps obvious conclusion that basically I am a bloke, but boy do I like being a girl. My life is very busy, whose is not...... and I choose it to be so, and I know that I cannot just give up this feminine thing I do, it is just a part of me.

 

Anyhow, I have not made any resolutions yet except that I will be getting out , and I want to take myself away for a few days. It would be nice to do that with some friends, I am lucky I know some girls who will come along, actually I just follow them!!

 

I am still the same though, not really a clubbing type, more just doing normal stuff, that anyone would do ,especially a girl.

 

Oh I have got some photo edit software..at last, I only use it for cropping and adding my name onto the photos, I may go back and update some older pictures if FLICKR will let me do that!

 

August 2012

 

Been a while since I last wrote something so here goes.

 

The music scene seems to be a little quiet on the girl band front, it is very difficult to get Tgirls together to make music, but I will soldier on............OK I have to admit something now ..........I missed Sparkle this year, damn I wish I had not .... but ......I thought I had met someone, so I sort of dropped everything to make things happen on the GG front....but it didn't ............so next time I will remember...don't drop everything, and be true to yourself.

 

Someone said that to me recently someone I have a lot of trust in ..........no a real person, not someone at the bottom of a glass or in a chat room.....anyhow so that is what I will continue to do! ...simple!

 

April 2012

 

Hi there, I have decided to restrict some pictures (ok most of them), don't get excited there is nothing exciting about the ones you cannot see, I do not do weird poses or nude or anything perverted. I just wanted to have a little more control (if that is possible on the WEB), of what happens to me, ...............OK I hear you say I am on the net what should I expect, well this is a start!.

 

Please do not take offence if you now have a reduced view, I can assure you that no offence is meant by me, but like I say there is nothing much more to see, at least nothing lurid, just pictures of a wanna be girl.

 

OK rant over back to normal boring information follows in chron order below...........

 

I have written lots of stuff below, which if you take the time to read, you will get to know me more.

 

+++++++++++++++++++ WARNING ++++++++++++++++

 

There are some people out there who persist in showing their boy body parts to me............. you know who you are; YOU WILL BE BLOCKED, I like girls, girls girls!

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

I'm Transgendered, that is, I am not transitioning, but I do like to spend as much time as I can as Jennifer at home or out and about, that said I am certainly not 24/7, much depends on time and opportunity, some weeks, I can be Jennifer most of the time, other weeks just go by in blur of the things I need to do at be able to live....er this all sounds a bit too serious and its not meant to be!, but you know important stuff like family, friends...err and even my job, there are some things that you have to do......I have learnt over the years that I have to balance things out sort of ying and yang, it is the way I cope.

 

I do not intend to transition, right now it seems like a step too far. I try to look as passable as I can, I am having some hair removal to make life a little easier.

 

I really enjoy myself as Jenny, I absolutely love being dressed, I also love perfume and pampering myself. My dress code is to fit in with whatever any well dressed girl would wear, sort of girl next door look but always reasonably smart. I manage to get out all over Manchester, shopping, concerts, or for dinner/drinks etc, with no problems either on my own or with friends.

 

I also get to Manchester Concord whenever I can, which is not often enough by a long way, Mary does the most fantastic job, she is full of energy, and totally supportive to any new people who come to the meetings, and those who come along regularly! She also has a great committee of helpers, things really have stepped up since she took the reigns so to speak..

 

I will add more to this profile as the mood gets me, its here as much for me as it is for you!

 

Jen...

 

Note;

 

I am very glad for any comments, many thanks to those who have taken the trouble to write something.

 

If you want to be a contact please have something in your profile if you want to be a contact, and no body parts please!!.

 

Most importantly I hope you are ok, and take care .

 

UPDATE 27th April 2011

 

I found that I needed to make an update when I found this in Katherine Blouse's profile;

 

-----///\\------Please

----///--\\\----put this

---|||----|||----on your

---|||-- -|||----profile if

---|||-- -|||----you know

----\\\--///----someone

-----\\\///-----who is living with, survived

------///\-----or has passed away from

-----///\\\----cancer.

----///--\\\---Thank you

 

Let's just say that cancer has been around my life (not me) a little too much.

 

UPDATE 17th April 2011

 

OK if you are very eagle eyed you may have spotted a change already......one of my friends calls me Jen all the time and that feels so very sweet and right that I have altered my signatures to reflect that now!!

 

I have taken a career break... I thought this meant I would have loads of time to do Jenny things but the music biz and a whole lot of voluntary stuff I like to do has taken over big time..........that is sort of good I like being busy, but I have now started to diarise more strictly my Jen time....that is getting out of the house time........I am Jen 90% of my time at home!!.

 

I have joined a TG Band!....another reason why life is so busy, I have had to learn alot of material recently, anyhow we have played one TG gig, and there are more to come, so roll on that stuff!!

 

Oh I have managed to stop spending.......quite so much.... that is good......... I did have a bit of problem, in one 6 month period about 2 years ago I took back (to those shops that allow you too!!) about £1000 of clothes, I probably did take back about £2k worth of clothes in 2 years, so a bit of a problem I think.£$%?!*!

 

I still like to shop, but now I have more purpose to what I am buying and trying on...gosh I think I may be getting sensible!...I suppose I am trying to find more meaning to being Jen, hence the band and the more artsy days out, a wider group of friends to go out with, you know a bit of ying and yang!

 

I am thinking that I may want a partner soon (ie a GG friend), I am going to have some counselling to help me sort this out in my brain........one of my friends has already had a very "sensible" chat with me, we had a great afternoon at an art exhibtion, then we had a good chat afterwards she just spoke alot of common sense.

 

Anyhow I have had counselling/therapy before ..... it will be useful just to talk to someone completely unbiased about getting a partner. I had about 8 months of therapy/counselling 3 yrs ago when I lost my partner after 20 very happy years. I found those sessions very useful.... ....... probably more useful than I realise today....

  

So hey girls take care out there and have fun.....

  

June 5th GREAT NEWS.......!!!

 

SPARKLE !!!! 8/9/10 July 2011

 

Hi girls just wanted to add that the band I have joined will be performing at SPARKLE, they are called "Strawberry Elelephants", the band is a fab line up, some great musicians (and me!!)........they have already recorded a demo, and got an article in Repartee!!... ok they cos I am the new girl and generally a bit new..... I am not in photos with the others yet ......... :-( ...or even on the demo.... :-((

  

I will play guitar bits n bobs...so look out !!!

  

I will get some appropriate piccies up soon....!

 

March 18th, Mother's Day 2012

 

Hello TGirls out there just a quick update to my profile.

 

Body info !!.....I have just about finished all the hair removal stuff now, and I can say that laser really works. All over body and facial, it is quite amazing...ok it costs, but I think it has been worth it, it just means that i no longer have to shave every 2 days (body, ie legs, arms, chest, under arms etc etc), I still have some grey hair ..I am of that age, that only affects my face, so I still have to shave, but, I can last a whole day no porbs, I will probably get some electrolysis to remove the last of the facial hair. There is a little body hair left, but I just shave that once every 2 weeks or so.

 

Other body info........ I do take care of myself, I do lots of exercise, which I would do whatever as I like the exercise for starters, cycling, running hill walking ad egenerally getting out and about!, it helps me stay quite slim...bit lucky like that I spose...... I have very small boobs, AAA cup, btw try Little Women, they do great bras for small boobs!! (and nice knickers too!!).

 

I am about 5'9", size 12/14, depends where I shop, 36 chest, 32 waist, (size 10 skirts usually!!), size 7 shoes. (all uk sizes)...yes I know I am liucky I am slim but I work at it.

 

Other stuff this year....well I am hoping to get a gig or two at Sparkle again, I think I have one, and another maybe possible at a pinch, but I don't think there wil lbe a band gig for me, it is very difficult getting a boy band together, getting a girl band together is almost impossible, just like well real girls, handbags at dawn and everthing!

 

Finally, just to reinforce messages already made......... I like girls, I am looking for a GG relationship, I have loads of girl friends but nothing intimate :-( ........... and like all of us TGirls, I really absolutely, adore, love, being a girl, the whole clothes, perfume, hair and makeup shabang, it is a fabulous feeling that I know I can never give up, I just don't understand why it is?.

  

BELOW IS NOW A CONTINUOUS NOTICE

 

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I have been doing a bit of tidying up recently, and sorry to some peeps out there but if you have nothing or body parts in your profile I tend to block you............... its just the way I am

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