I enjoy smoking, drinking, petty theft, pornography,

and self-righteous indignation. Way down deep, I'm very shallow. I

have no personal opinions about anything, because I am superficial. I have

middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air,

memorizing pointless quotes of classical works, and chuckling at my own

mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes. I'm 33, but look 57 and feel 61. I'm

not holding my breath, but I am looking for interesting conversation with

someone that will not have to be quoted later on in a courtroom. I'm

looking for a fun evening that doesn't end in a puddle of vomit or at the

emergency room. It would be nice to be able to bounce thoughts and ideas

off someone who isn't wearing an aluminum reflector hat.