Some of my favorite quotes:

 

"It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

Abraham Lincoln

 

"Vote early and vote often"

Al Capone.

 

"Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president"

Jonny Carson

 

"I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it"

Charles Schulz

 

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific"

Lily Tomlin

 

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio"

Joan Rivers

 

"Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours."

Ronald Reagan

 

"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver."

Jay Leno

 

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Albert Einstein

 

"Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy."

Benjamin Franklin

 

"Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out."

Anton Chekhov

 

"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough."

Albert Einstein

 

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."

Franklin P. Jones

 

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"

Anonymus

 

" Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right."

Isaac Asimov

 

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Henry Ford

 

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Sir Winston Churchill

 

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.

Sir Winston Churchill

 

Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it.

Sir Winston Churchill

 

There are three faithful friends: an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

Benjamin Franklin

 

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.

Marilyn Monroe

 

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Rowan Atkinson

 

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.'

Joe Namath

 

I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself.

Marlene Dietrich

 

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

George Burns

 

People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln