A thickset, omnivorous mammal whose diet consists primarily of plants, lean meat, fish, and whole grains. Generally found in suburban regions of Northern Virginia except during an annual migration to the Hawaiian islands.

Standing up on its hind feet, it can be up to 1.73 meters tall. The adult has brown eyes, a prominent snout, and a stocky build, but lacks the tail of its forebears. Though it generally has short brown hair, the coat can vary in color from brown through a distressing shade of grey.

Each large paw has five fingers used for foraging, grooming, and general geekery. When necessary, it can run at speeds up to 8 km/h and it is generally buoyant in the water.

Does not generally congregate in large groups, tending towards more of a solitary existence. Interaction with humans has been documented, though accounts vary as to the frequency and outcome.