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Updated April 26, 2025

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Nothing Earth shattering but just wanted to acknowledge those of you who have reached out to me. I make it a point to reply to all who take the time to send me a few words. Growing more each day in "Daniella". For me it's been something since I was very young. I did a little math on my calculator (ok phone) to see how much of my life has been as a genetic male interested in femininity. It's been about 95% of my life and can honestly say I really don't know what it's like to be a genetic male without these interests. At times this I'd think of this as somewhat of a curse, it also brought confusion, doubt, acceptance, and I've learned a lot about it from others as well as reading up on it. I can't imagine what it would have been like to not want to wear women's clothing. It has to be so dull to be honest. It's thrilling to put on something pretty, it really is. When making a purchase to add to my closet the thoughts, feelings, and emotions I go through is nothing like buying male attire. It's like the difference between Black and White and Color TV. Buying men's clothing is like a black and white world, whereas buying from the women's selections is a full pallet of color. It's just so thrilling. Ladies I get it!

 

When you're buying male attire your often choosing form blue, black and brown. Selecting women's attire, it absolutely thrilling. Every color is just perfect. Men if you wear outside of the common colors you get noticed but sometimes not for the reasons you want.

 

Over here in Wisconsin where I live Spring is really hitting hard. Our trees are starting to sprout leaves; the grass is green and almost time to cut it. But the best of all I'm looking forward to going out more, a lot more, as Daniella. Some of you already read where my sister is now aware of this side of me. To be honest I've often felt "Daniella" feels like the real me and that "guy" I've had to live is like I'm just trying hard to pretend without getting caught. It's ironic how dressing as a woman feels close to normal or natural to me, whereas dressing as a man makes me have to be careful so I can pass as a man. Always have felt that way. No plans to undergo MTF bottom surgery but I do like the idea of developing my top more than it already is.

 

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Updated March 2, 2025

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This past week something huge happened. As you may know I retired about a year ago. I have not talked about my private life family wise. Earlier I was spending my day as Daniella and while relaxing I fell asleep in my chair. I was awoken by a visitor, my sister. She let herself in and found me, the me she didn't know. But that wasn't quite the case. Of course, when I was awoken seeing my sister looking right at me, I panicked. She quickly told me to calm down.

 

How was I dressed? I was wearing a sleeveless red midi A-Line dress, red pumps (yes stiletto heels), and full make up, nails, and wig. There was no hiding or denying anything. We had a long discussion. As it turned out my sister was aware of my interest since I was really young. She never brought it up to me knowing it would be a tough subject to discuss.

 

So yes, my sister knows her brother is a crossdresser. She did tell me that she was impressed with my look. She asked me if I ever go out. I told her no, not for a long time. Which brought up a lot of additional questions. I admitted to her about my friend down in Chicago many years ago, as delicately as I could. She also asked me if I would like to go shopping sometime. My sister is two years older than I am and is also retired.

 

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Updated January 18, 2025

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One thing I've not talked about here is ever since I retired last year, I finally got up the courage to address male hair removal. I found a local hair removal clinic that is friendly to the transgendered community. It started with a phone call last spring and since have undergone more than a few sessions of electrolysis hair removal initially on my face. I've also started laser hair removal now to work on getting rid of the rest of my unwanted body hair. It's a very surreal experience.

 

I am not kidding myself no matter what I have done, or meds I could take, I still am genetically a male. No changing genetics. But my goal is not to transition into living fulltime as a woman. What my goal is to pass better when I dress up and give me more confidence to explore the big scary world outside my door.

 

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Updated January 11, 2025

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This is a short edit to my information.

 

A recent message to me got me to think about something. We who like to dress up tend to hide things from most if not all those who know us in real life. Part of my response dealt with if we only could read the minds of those around us in life, we'd find others with similar interests but also hiding it. I've always thought that everyone has their own secrets that they tell nobody in real life.

 

My best friend in high school and I were really close friends. Of course, once you graduate high school people tend to scatter. My friend and I took diverted paths in life. He went off to the Army for 4 years, I went off to further my education. My friend and I would periodically get together when he was back in town. Once he was done with his 4 years in the Army he came back to go to college. By then I was out working. We still got together every few weekends. In his last year if college we saw less and less of each other. I chalked it up to life getting in the way on both of our parts. When he graduated, he disappeared.

 

Decades later I just stumbled across his FB profile. Reading it over I finally learned why he kind of disappeared. He was in a relationship with another man. Now I am the last person in the world anyone has to worry about as I believe everyone deserves to be happy. But today I thought about this and then realized that both he and I in high school, as best friends, never really knew each other. He may or may not have realized he was gay, but I also knew back then I liked to dress up as a woman. Here two best friends really didn't know each other. Life is really strange in that if we only felt freer to really be open about who we really are life certainly would be different.

 

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Updated January 5, 2025

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My first experience with wearing girl’s or women’s clothing occurred even before I started school. I was very young and for some reason fixated on a pair of my sister’s shoes. One day while she was at school I snuck into her bedroom and initially wanted to look at them close up. That turned into taking them into my bedroom where I tried them on. I do remember that very moment to this day vividly.

 

I have come to the conclusion that crossdressing is something that is in a sense learned. There is an opportunity, and we act on it. Knowing there is a taboo to it makes it something we do in secrete. We fear getting caught but that fear ads to the desire to do it. Not that we want to get caught but to experience the rush of the moment. From that first time it stuck with me. I do recall after that always looking at girl’s feet to see what they were wearing. I also started to realize the obvious that girls and boys often wore different clothing.

 

I do remember once when I was really young asking my mom why boys and girls wore different clothes. Her answer was that’s just the way it is.

 

Since I now had a growing interest in girl’s shoes that spread to notice what else they wore. Dresses! I started to really take an interest in the dresses girls wore and thought to myself how pretty some of the dresses were that they got to wear. Boys on the other hand wore drab clothing when compared to girl’s.

 

Another event that I remember well was several years later, I’d guess maybe 4 or 5 years later. My sister out of the blue wanted to dress me up in her first communion dress. How I wanted to say yes but I was just too afraid to do it. She tried to convince me, but I didn’t do it. I know I was too afraid that if I allowed her to dress me that I would somehow show that I really liked wearing the dress. I also still remember that happening very vividly. I think that added to wanting to dress up but being too afraid to do it. How we suffer in silence.

 

As I grew up, I followed what girls of my own age wore. I wasn’t a pervert, but I say this as it was always something that was there behind the facade of the boy, I presented to everyone.

 

I have realized that in real life there isn’t one person who knows me personally that really knows me. They know the part I show but not the part I’ve had my whole life.

 

I also recall while growing up I’d have vivid dreams where I would wake up and I was a girl, or that in my dream I was a girl, and nobody thought anything about it. Those types of dreams faded away as I hit my later teens.

 

I grew up in the period of time before cable TV and before the internet. Guess it was a more innocent time than we live in today. But back then growing up also meant I did so in an information vacuum. I had zero knowledge that anyone else in this world had the same feelings I did. All the more reason why I hid it, and really to this day still do to those in my real life.

 

Once I got into my 20’s I started to travel for work. I also became curious about what was in adult bookstores. Going into one in the area I live I saw racks and racks of adult magazines, grouped by interests. Areas that caught my attention was crossdressing, forced feminization and dominant women. I bought mostly crossdressing magazines, but also to a lesser extent magazines with dominant women, mistresses and the like.

 

That’s kind of where I started to learn the terms I know today. I finally had a term for what I had an interest in, crossdressing. I tried to soak up as much information on the subject as I could. I also learned quickly I wasn’t the only genetic male who liked the idea of wearing women’s clothing. It wasn’t just me.

 

Through those magazines I did learn that there were stores, not many, that catered to men who like to dress as women. Not a one was where I lived.

 

But shortly after learning about those stores, I had to fly out to Los Angeles for work. While there I went to a place called Lydia’s TV Fashions, where I bought my very first two pairs of pumps with stiletto heels. One was red the other in black both patent leather, and both with about a four-inch heel. I also bought a few pairs of nylons. I do recall the store was in what once was a motel, and the rooms were rented for small businesses. Right next to Lydia’s was an Allstate Insurance office. Upon paying for my purchase, I wanted to hopefully get into my car and just get out of there. When I walked out with my bag, two men in suits came out of the insurance office and just looked at me, and my bag. I got the hell out of there as soon as I could.

 

Once back in my hotel room I had to try on the heels and see how it felt to stand and walk in them. I got a pair on and tried standing and my balance was all off, I couldn’t stand. I worked at it and in about an hour of sitting and standing I started to get the hang of it. Next up was walking. That too took practice. Wearing high heels and walking in them is a learned ability that once you get it you never have a problem with it again. You’ve got the skill, like riding a bike.

 

A year or so after that I found a shoe store in Chicago that catered to women’s heels, and carried them in extended sizes, for crossdressers. I took a day off of work and drove down. That store, now long gone, was in a suburb of Chicago. I parked and walked inside. One thing that stuck out to me was that from the outside they had a window display of heels, but you couldn’t see past that inside.

 

Once inside there was a woman, about 20 years older than I was at that age. What I didn’t know at that time was that I was going to get to know her really well. But once inside she greeted me, made me feel at ease, and proceeded to ask me what I was interested is looking at. She showed me around and caught me looking at a pair of pumps, fuchsia in color, and asked me what size I took. By then I already knew what size I took in a women’s shoe, so I told her, and she went in back to get a box. She brought out a few boxes, with a size up and down from what I gave her. I was told to sit, she removed my shoes, I was wearing nylons with my socks over them and so the socks came off as well.

 

She then had he me raise one foot, point my toes and slipped the first heel on me. She then reached into the box and pulled out ankle straps. She proceeded to loop the first one on. Then came the second foot and second ankle strap. Once both were on, she stood up and taking my hands pulled me up and told me to walk across the room and back. Then again, and again. She then led me to the racks containing more and more high heels. All in all, I ended up buying three pairs that day, but once I tried on the second pair and she removed them she then put on the first pair and secured the ankle straps. After the third pair I looked to find the shoes, I came in with and I didn’t see them. Instead on again went the fuchsia pumps. It was then that I paid for my shoes, and then asked her where my shoes where? She said on my feet, but that the ones I wore in were in the box of the ones I was wearing.

 

As I was standing at the cash register the door opened up. A younger women walked in; it was one of her employees. It was then that she asked her employee to please hold these for me, handing her the bag containing 3 boxes of shoes. I then learned the lady owned the whole building and lived upstairs. I was told to follow her, and I did. Honestly, I think I was running on autopilot.

 

Over time she told me that she started out as a stripper out of high school and after several years of doing that, and saving money, she stopped stripping and started managing a night club. Eventually she bought it and a few years back sold it off. She started the store below as she knew many of the stores selling women’s shoes didn’t carry shoes strippers wanted, and also the high-class stilettos businesswomen preferred. Then she discovered crossdressers and started to carry extended sizes for them.

 

We did become friends after that first meeting and she knew all about what I’ve told you above. She had me come down for weekends helping me start to develop a collection of women’s clothing. She started getting me to go out with her, I was extremely nervous to do so but I also learned by then I also was very submissive (still am) and as such was easily guided.

 

I wish I could say we stayed friends, even to this day, but that wasn’t the case. Within a few months of us meeting she developed a cough and was diagnosed with lung cancer. She never smoked but in her work prior to the store was subjected to a lot of smoking. She didn’t make it.

 

That would have been the closest I ever came to in a sense coming out of the closet with my crossdressing. We talked a lot about what I would like to do if it were possible. She did get it out of me that I often wished I could dress full time as a woman, but in my current life back home that wasn’t possible. She asked if I would consider relocating to Chicago and while pondering that possibility is when she was diagnosed with cancer.

 

After she was gone my dressing pretty much went back down to nothing, for years.

 

Life gets in the way, years go by, and while it’s always there in the back of my mind I just didn’t act on it anymore.

 

About the time COVID happened I became curious about the subject of chastity. I found that when I saw a CD who also was caged, I wondered how it would feel to be locked up like that. I ended up placing an order through Amazon and got my first chastity cage. Once I figured out how to get it on and locked it on, I got a shiver through my body. It took me back to the very beginning, when I was so young. I knew then that this wasn’t going to be a one-time experience, and I was right. While I didn’t keep myself locked in chastity full time I did go for longer and longer periods.

 

Then my desire to once again experience crossdressing firsthand hit me really hard. I once again started to collect women’s clothing all the while securely working from home due to COVID. Before I knew it, I would wake up, and dress fully as a woman. Dresses, skirts, blouses, lingerie, and heels. I was able to dress from the time I woke up till I went to bed. I’d work on my computer, for work, and just enjoyed my rediscovered firsthand dressing up.

 

After that I also gave up my office at work, as they learned I was able to do everything I did at work but from at home. I didn’t argue. While I did have to periodically go into work for the most part I worked from home. The last four months I worked, last year, I spent most of my time in the office. I had a lot of handing things over until the end.

 

While I now have posted a few photos on Flickr, don’t expect me to post hundreds. I am likely to post a few here and there but mostly will be posted one at time. Hopefully quality over quantity.

 

Now that I am retired, I hope to spend more time dressed as a woman. I am lucky that I never had any issues with Male Pattern Balding. I still have a full head of hair, that’s full, and it also grows quickly. I’ve always wanted to experience a real visit to a salon to have my hair properly cut and styled but I really need more length.