December 2021

First things first, if you have stumbled across me on here and you are a friend or family, firstly sorry that this is the way you have 'found out', secondly please realise that I am still the same person you know. I still like the same things, enjoy the same music and conversation. My hobbies are the exact same ones that we may have enjoyed spending time together doing. It's still me, you have just discovered a lesser known aspect of my life.

Now...

I have known since a VERY early age that I felt somewhat different but growing up in the 70s 80s I just didn't understand it all and didn't even know trans was a thing. After over 5 decades I still struggle to understand it all.

My earliest memory is putting on my sister's brownie uniform well beacuse, hey why not? My mind was still innocent back then and hadn't been destroyed by gender stereotyping and social constructs of this world and nothing seemed wrong. My dad went mental and my mum was was not best pleased either!

And there begun decades of confusion, guilt, secrecy, disasterous realtionships all because my appearance didn't match how I felt inside and those early days of being told that what I was doing was so wrong, in fact so wrong the only thing more wrong was serious crime... I mean how completely fucked up is that?

Even through all the confusion I eventually married to the most beautiful and kind women I have met, who - after a period of counseling a couple of years ago which made me over confident on how easy this would all be - I came out to. Well that was a complete fuck up! After initial views of support from her that turned into a complete hatred and it has taken this long to rebuild our realtionship. The passion has sadly gone, but the love is back which I have to be content with I suppose given the bombshell I dropped on her.

So here I am still confused but as the years pass I feel that I need to do something before it's too late and life is over. I really NEED to be Lianne before I leave this planet, I just don't know how without hurting the ones I love most.

Thank you for getting this far through my ramblings.

kisses and hugs

Lianne xxx