6/8/22

Update below, but it makes more sense if you read the main part first.

6/6/20

Somewhere on here, I saw a quote that said we all started playing dress up at 5 years old, and haven’t stopped since. True for me. My earliest memories of dressing go back to then. Blue tights.

A few years later I’m leaving the house for school with my twin brother. Of course we had matching jeans and tee shirts, and I hear mom from the back door telling me that boys don’t swing their hips when they walk. I think that has affected my dance moves to this day.

Then there was Halloween in maybe 5th grade. We were going to go as hippies, but we needed some girls to go with us. At that age, we didn’t hang out with girls, so the losers of our next penny ante poker game had to be the girls for Halloween. I was “crushed” that I lost. For the next three weeks I had the excuse to try on all my sister’s short dresses and miniskirts. It was the early seventies, so of course there were some vinyl boots to go with them. Finally, my mom got tired of me “practicing” for Halloween, and that’s when I learned that dressing up was not going to be encouraged.

From then on it was in the closet for me. As one of seven kids, there weren’t many times that I could get any time in the house alone, but it didn’t take much. There were always a few favorite items in my sister’s room to try on. A green one-piece bathing suit, tight gray low rise jeans, a black leotard, a tennis dress, a white crocheted bikini, and at bath time, raiding the hamper for a brief slip into mom’s girdles and bras. The real excitement came at prom time, when new dresses, which at that time were always made of stretchy fabric, showed up in the girl’s closet. I think I was spotted once by my little brother, but no one ever mentioned it.

Then away to college and a little bro time. Rooming with a bunch of guys presented few opportunities for dressing, except for an occasional attempt at making a long tee shirt look like a short dress. This was about the time that Caroline Cossey and Jahna Steele showed up in the tabloids. Mind Blown. There had been other transsexuals in the news, but they were at another level and led to a lot of restless nights.

After school my girlfriend and her two roommates lived around the corner. A friend of hers talked her into buying a pair of crotchless panty hose, and I knew she had thigh highs and a garter. After one particularly raucous party, I convinced her to put the panty hose on while I wore the thigh highs and garter. It didn’t go as well as I had hoped, so we haven’t tried anything like that since then. With marriage and kids, and collecting and purging, a lot of years can go by. Buying my first black pumps and being so excited, I had to put them on in the car for the drive home. Looked a little odd with my business suit. Won’t ever forget that feeling though. A couple of job transfers let me have more time to explore this side of me. But that always took a back seat to family obligations, and I have a wonderful family to show for it.

As kids grow and become adults, they move on and that leaves more time for other interests. It’s amazing what you can learn to do on YouTube. Starting in 2013, I’ve been trying to work on this side of me. In many ways it has enriched my life. When I look in the mirror I see another me, it’s still me, but she looks completely different from the everyday me.

For the record, I consider myself a crossdresser. I like the term t-girl too, because I read it as a very broad category. I’m married, have no desires towards guys whether dressed or not. I do this for the feeling I get when dressed, and I know it is an escape from reality, which has helped me get rid of some other bad habits. I’m not petite, but the person who’s closet I raid is, so I tend towards tight and short in my outfits. 6’2” without heels and 195 on a good day. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening.

6/8/2022 Update

So, I’ve been here for five years now. I guess the question is what do I get out of this? I’ll admit, that some of it is an ego boost. There are many beautiful people out here, and when I see my picture next to them on someone's faves, just wow! I try really hard to look good. It’s very comforting, and reassuring to get some positive feedback from all the lovely people on Flickr. I wish I was better in my real life habits, that would help with my appearance. By that I mean my weight : ( Like most of us, I use other social media, but this is definitely the most comfortable place for me. Despite the obvious contradiction, I think people here are more authentic and interested in others than they are at most other media.

I wish I could come up with a better idea of what comes next. I don’t know if I’m spending too much time at this, or not enough. I know what the next hurdle is, but if I don’t clear it, the consequences would not be great. I think that’s why I’m afraid to make the leap. Wish me luck.

2/17/2020

Okay, so I guess I have a hobby now. Trying to find more time for this side of me.

First post: I've been doing this as long as I can remember. Finally comfortable that this is a part of me. Some regrets, but for the most part, a really happy person. I'm here to appreciate others out there like me and explore.

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