Update 28th November 2024.

Yes I'm back with an update finally. Well, where to start. Of course we all know the impact of Covid, though for me it had an unexpected benefit. I got in with a group of ladies and refused to be stifled for long, meeting up for Picnics in the New Forest. As things opened up we spread our wings, going to pubs and National trust properties as well. I had a reasonable couple of years, but long term I struggled with the extensive travelling. Most were much more local to the area than me, and as it became clear that they were not prepared to travel in my direction occasionally, I made the decision to quit going. In the end the decision was not as hard as I was expecting, as the group were not quite the friends I had thought they would turn out to be. Fortunately, as one door closed, another one opened and I now meet with another couple of ladies about once a month, mainly coffee and a chat, sometimes the cinema, and once a day trip to London was enjoyed. The great thing is I really feel we have a friendship, and enjoy their company.

In 2022 I had my nails done in a salon. It was so life changing I just carried on despite the expense. I'm not sure if this was the catalyst, but in 2023 I became full time en femme, by my criteria, and I love it.

Again in 2022 I started going on short holidays with my wife, with me as Julie louise 100% of the time for 4-5 days at a time. The same year included my first foreign trip. It was Southern Ireland, and as it turned out, we did not have to pass through passport control. So in 2023 we visited Paris. This time passport control; nerve wracking but ultimately no problem, and a superb trip. Also in 2022 I decided to visit my local WI coffee mornings. It was a scary prospect and one I managed to carry out on 4 occasions. There was mixed reaction to my presence and ultimately I decided to call it a day.

Update 30th December 2019.

Wow! Another year flies by. Ok, so it’s longer than a year since my last update— but that’s my point, it’s gone before you know it. Anyway at just over two years since my reincarnation as Julie louise it’s quite hard for me to now picture my life before that point, and I really am becoming the female I aspire to be, for a large part of my life.

My year really has been dominated by hair removal and because I don’t want to bore everyone silly, I will try to keep this brief. However, because hair has been such a problem and for me at least I have found the information about it sketchy at best, I feel I ought to let everyone know what is happening.

My main goal for 2019 was to present myself to the world for at least half the time and to a large extent I succeeded, in that I was Julie louise in public for over half the days of the year. The total hours spent though, was far less than anticipated, mainly due to the time spent each day on hair removal. So my aim for 2020 is to greatly exceed those hours whilst not necessarily increasing my number of days as Julie louise, which is probably already at the maximum practical I can attain.

Where I am at now, is that I am almost entirely comfortable presenting as female in public and do so whenever I can. I can’t really take things much further than they already are because I value my wife and marriage, and further more, as a married heterosexual, it would make no sense to embark on either hormones or surgery. Strange as it may seem though, I do fantasise about having breast implants.

Well back to hair removal—- I can’t say that I have wasted my year, spending as I have, about 4 hours daily on hair removal, but it’s not a place I want to find myself in again. I have learned lessons and have had some success and now have a strategy in place for the coming year. My current position is of using the full arsenal at my disposal with shaving now playing a bit part. In fact I stopped regularly shaving back in February 2019. At the same time I started home laser, and as of November I am having electrolysis on my face. This month I also restarted IPL on my arms and legs. I have also plucked with tweezers, over 180,000 hairs from my beard area this year.

So that brings me back to my face and electrolysis. Apparently it takes on average about 250 hours to permanently clear a mans beard area. So far I am at 3 hours so have no indication of it’s effectiveness. I have worked out that at my rate of sessions, it will take 5-8 years. Depending on it’s success I will review whether to carry on or not after about 9 months. From what I have read, plucking and it’s equivalents are a real no no, making electrolysis far harder to achieve success. Yes plucking gets really bad press as a means of hair removal, but I suspect it is far more effective than we are led to believe, so for the moment at least, I am having electrolysis on my jawline where it is difficult for me to remove hair myself and plucking and or epilating the rest myself.

To other news—- Despite all the problems I had with having my ears pierced but well after those memories had receded, I recently had my belly pierced. It has not fully heeled yet but is getting there and I am very happy with it.

Living with my wife; there have been no major changes here, and things are probably as good as I can ever expect them to be. I don’t think things can ever be perfect, but with my wife working full time and me living as Julie louise during this time, it’s as good as it can be. When this full on world of femininity started in earnest for me, I promised my wife there would never be any more secrets and lies. Whilst I am trying to hold on to this and I never try to hide anything from her, these days I do not readily tell her everything in Julie louise’s life unless she asks. For her part, she has her own problems to worry about and often, is just not that interested. If she asks I am honest, but being economical with Julie louise’s life makes for a much smoother relationship.

2019 was the year when I finally found some stability with my nail care. Having gone from false nails to painted and back again, I finally invested in a curing lamp and some gel polish. It’s not perfect by any means but it is ok and far cheaper than a trip to the salon. However, I have always wanted those lovely long pointed nails so a goal for next year is to have them done professionally, at least once.

I missed out on a ladies day at the races this year but fully intend to go again in 2020.

There are not really many things left for Julie louise to do that are feasible for someone in my position, so I just intend to live life as fully as possible as Julie louise in 2020, and in reality that just means getting super organised so I have more free time.

New for 2019 was my first day out on a public coach trip which I was nervous about but need not have been and turned out to be a great experience interacting with people and even having a chat and a laugh with a woman in the restrooms.

Also used the railway for the first time for a day out in Bath. I also had the chance to model for a woman’s art group, which was hugely enjoyable. There is nothing Julie louise loves more than being accepted and socially interacting with cis woman.

My greatest triumph of 2019 though, was going to the beach in a bikini, which I managed to do 3 times & one of those times, on the crowded main beach at Weymouth. They were all positive experiences and it was a big regret I did not get more chance to do it.

Although I have yet to see my doctor en femme, I have been to the surgery reception a few times and I finally plucked up the courage to see the surgery nurse in October, after bottling it on a previous occasion. The combined level of fear and excitement that this brought me, was on a par with those early public outings of 2 years ago. Even the bikini trips were slightly less scary because I could abort at any time. Seeing the nurse was a fixed appointment, so once I was dressed and in make up, there was no pulling out unless I missed the appointment. For better or for worse, however you look at it, going out in public is no longer scary or even that exciting any more, it’s just normal. That’s not to say it’s not hugely enjoyable, perhaps even addictive, and I just love to be out as much as possible. Dressing at home is nice, but it’s no substitute for going out in public and too long inside and I feel like a caged bird. The truth is, for all the restricted hours of being en femme, 2019 was the year I finally lived as Julie louise in public.

Coming out to people continued steadily during the year too and holds far less worry than a year ago. I’ve chosen my femme life alongside that of husband and sometimes male, and if that is a problem for someone I know, well that is just tough for them. I don’t care... I now have enough support around me.

On the story of relationships with other t-girls, this has been an emotional journey for me and one of some sadness. After going to a few local meets, mainly in 2018, I have now mostly given them up. Maybe I am to blame, emotionally weak, maybe needy and impatient.... I don’t know, but friendship has not blossomed like I felt it should. For now I am attending a couple of 3-4 day events a year and this is striking a good balance to my femme life. Things may change, but at the moment I am loving it. Not only do I get to live full time on femme for several days and nights consecutively [ which is truly brilliant ] but the food, entertainment and atmosphere are all wonderful. The real icing on the cake is the people. In general it seems far less clicky than the local events and more friendly, with people more ready to socialise and enjoy themselves.

To finish this update, a word on Flickr. Whilst I don’t foresee me leaving Flickr unless they get rid of free accounts [ and I can see little good enough to make me want a pro account ] I have much reduced my time on here during 2019. Interest in Julie louise seems to have fallen off a lot during the year and that has in turn reduced my incentive to be online. I’m finding the extra time in the real world more enjoyable. That is not to say there aren’t some lovely people here on Flickr, and I thank everyone who has taken an interest in my femme life over the past year, from the bottom of my heart. I wish you all a happy and prosperous New Year. I hope to still post regular quality photo’s of Julie louise in the coming year. Best wishes, Julie louise xx

Update 20th October 2018.

One year on Flickr and one year as Julie louise, and what an incredible journey it has been. I feel very comfortable in my skin, presenting as my femme side now, and befitting of my feeling that I am at least 50% female inside, I will probably present fully en femme to the world for at least 50% of the time from now on, or at least that is my aim.

It would now seem an opportune time to thank the large number of followers that either fave, make nice and kind comments, or both. Whilst I do not present and take photo’s purely for these, receiving them does enrich my life to some degree, and I thank you all very much for doing so!

Conversely, I criticise those mainly faceless people with no photo’s to share who follow and enjoy others photo’s without even the decency to fave or give positive comments. You know who you are...shame on you.

Since my last update, I have had my ears pierced but at present, it is not going too well and healing is slow. I am having difficulty getting a good nights sleep and excitement has lapsed into mild depression. I am surely hoping my next update will offer better news on this issue. If anyone has any good advice, I would be grateful.

Update September 2018.

The need to be a woman is strong and sometimes intense and has been self perpetuating this year. With every challenge undertaken it has propelled me forward as I have not only grown in confidence but felt more feminine, and enjoyed it so much. Since my last update, on the face of it my situation has not changed significantly, but going out in public has been more prolific, maybe about twice a week on average. I have also changed from trying to blend in, to having the confidence to just be myself. Whilst not deliberately seeking attention, I will dress more of how I want to dress and less how the majority of woman will be dressed in a particular environment. In my early ventures out, I would never dare to wear stiletto's, but now on an evening out, I will do so. The way I look at it, is that woman could dress up on a night out, though most choose not to do so. If I am going to present as a woman, then why not as the 1% that do choose to do so. If that attracts a few stares then so what, I can handle that. I will try to dress with style and some degree of elegance & hope that any looks I get, are of appreciation. If I go to town, then obviously I dress down in comparison, but I will not go down the jeans, t-shirt and trainers route. Jayelle wants a more feminine look, and that is either a dress or skirt & blouse, and some sort of heels.

I have come out to a fair number of people since February and largely it has been a very positive experience apart from one member of my wife's family who was vocal in her disapproval. I am not quite sure how things stand at the moment and it certainly weighed heavily on me for a time, but I at least have moved on and not been put off. Other than her, for every person I have told, it has reduced my burden, and in some instances even increased my happiness and ability to go en femme.

In terms of my psychological state since February, I have much more confidence and a lot less self doubt, though the occasional reservations creep in, but they are few and lessening as I get swept along on this wave of contentment and joy at presenting as a woman. With my wife too, I feel she is having less doubt with our situation, though probably a lot more than me. I keep moving forwards and my increasing time spent en femme may yet become a big issue for us, but I am trying to keep myself in check. For all the brilliance of having a supportive wife it is also my biggest problem. I honestly believe life would be much simpler if I was bi-sexual and cared little about my wife and marriage. I sometimes notice single people bleating on about how hard it is to be transgender. I don't really think so, not for me at any rate. I am not saying it is easy and I have had certain things in my favour, but I honestly believe that if I was not happily married I could live full time as a woman. Of course this is all hypothetical; but I mention it because I think it sums up how far I have come in less than a year, and where I am currently at. I have found society mainly tolerant if not even accepting and friendly. Like many crossdressers I was terrified initially, of going out in public, but those fears have proved to be unfounded.

My list of achievements this year have been huge and very fulfilling. My own highlights have been .... full days out in public on my own, opening a membership as Julie louise, going en femme to the beach and going for a swim followed by buying an ice cream still in my swimming costume, and lastly; going to ladies day at the races and entering and lining up with the genetic woman in the best dressed lady competition. One quick observation here... I went to the beach as Julie louise and a few days later as a male. To my amazement, I passed reasonably well as a woman yet people were staring far more as a male. The reason I can only conclude was I still had painted toes when I went the second time, and this stood out more than my efforts to pass as female. Both interesting and rewarding for me. Funnily enough I have permanently painted fingernails which go largely unnoticed. There is of course the odd stare, but nothing like the attention my beach trip drew. Wearing nail polish in male mode, may not be the main reason I have progressed so quickly in being confident to go out en femme in public, but it has undoubtedly helped build up my courage in presenting female.

One last thing of major importance in the last 6 months has been hair removal. Being smooth has been one if not the most brilliant thing about expressing my femininity. I really could not have foreseen the wonder of it. By about March/April time though, I was feeling the full force of the flip side.. relentless regrowth. I never really considered my self the hairiest of men even wishing I could grow a decent beard aged 20, so I could fit in better as the man I was born. Now when I wish to rid myself of hair, it grows thick and strong in many places and sparse and strong in others! Such is life! Having discussed the issue with others I can only conclude that the growth on my arms and legs, whilst not the worst, is slightly above average... though fortunately I do not possess much hair on my torso. Particular problem areas, accepting that nearly all of us suffer terrible facial hair; are hands, wrists and knees. One added problem for me has been, I just love being ultra smooth. Whereas I have found that many T-girls just do enough, I love to feel that silky smoothness constantly, and that requires massive commitment. I started with a pulsating light device which I used for 2 months. This was expensive to buy and somewhat painful and tiresome to use. With perseverance though, I feel it has been worth it. My estimate is.. reduced or killed hair of about 10% on face, 30% - 40% on arms and 40% - 50% on legs. This probably correlates to how smooth and flat the areas used on are, as the machine has a safety feature which reduces it's effectiveness on curves/bony areas. Also I think I got more effectiveness out of ignoring safety advice, but I am not encouraging anyone to do this. My thinking was based on logic and I am not going into it here, but I mention it because the devices are expensive and used as directed have not worked for many people. From here, I went on to waxing my legs, which turned out to be a bit of masochistic pleasure but ultimately disappointing in results. Next I was hoping to have my face waxed but knew that was not possible as things stood, so I went about plucking the hair from my face with tweezers. With the reduced hair I was hoping a wax was possible. The tweezing was incredibly painful but I became obsessive and managed to remove all the visible thick hair over a period of 10 days.... Over 5000 hairs! Then before my wax I had a sort of breakthrough, I discovered the modern epilator. More expense, but I decided to give it a go. What a revelation! This little device was a mini miracle! 3 months on and the honeymoon is over, but I would still whole heartedly recommend an epilator to anyone.

Currently I am not quite winning the war on facial hair removal and I am back spending crazy amounts of time on tweezing in addition to the epilator. The epilator I only use for about 20 - 30 minutes a day, so it has just replaced shaving really, but in time I hope things will get easier and easier as the hair weakens. I still have to shave before putting on make up, but this now only takes a few minutes to get a clean shave. Also I shave in between occasionally to exfoliate. This regime has definitely weakened my hair growth and noticeably smoothed out my skin, but I know that it may take years of effort yet to achieve the results I want. As for my legs and arms, I feel I have reached a reasonable balance. If achieving non visible hair was the sole aim, I believe using the epilator for an hour or less a week would be sufficient but I would like more. So my strategy is to epilate every 2 or 3 days and shave the top of my thighs once a-week. This regime takes no more than one and a half hours a week and gives me more or less permanent smoothness. My wife will vouch for that and has been very impressed with the results, if not the time I spend on hair removal.

Update February 2018.

Things have improved this year with regards to Julie louise and my wife. It’s a somewhat bumpy path but things are promising. She has accepted me for who I am and we are committed to this together. It is with huge joy that we are sharing this new life adventure together. The flip side is, that I am not free and single and compromises have to be made. She still wants the man she married and is in no way attracted to Julie louise other than as a friend. She finds it fun to accompany Julie louise on some of her adventures and Julie louise finds it fun too. The upshot though, is that I can no longer go to bed in female attire or dress en femme in the evenings. Though I would wish to do so, I think I have a good deal. I had a large and loose set of goals for 2018 many of which I have realised already at this early stage in the year, but of course there is no guarantee that the rest will be met or indeed any. I heard a saying the other day.... God laughs at those who make plans. So with that in mind I am not putting undue time pressure on myself, but I am still planning ahead as one must. From my first time out in December, I have now probably been out about 10 times but am not keeping count. Mostly it has been with the wife and she has photographed some of the more important moments but has no wish whatsoever to be my photographer, so most outings have not been photographed. Some outings have been on my own as this was a large goal anyway. Having had her along for my first daylight trip, it was a huge support to me, but then it was time to spread my wings and I have now been to town alone, to the supermarket, and ordered coffee in a cafe. When people talk about passing as a woman, I have struggled with what this actually means. For me I think that what I have done so far constitutes passing but in no way do I consider myself passable. By this I mean that anyone looking at me or listening to me from within about 15 feet or less, is not going to think I’m a woman. I hope some may be a little unsure as I try to be convincing. For going out though in public and not causing undue staring in the main I feel I have succeeded, and am growing in confidence each week. Really it is a case of just not drawing attention to yourself, dressing down and using as little make up as you feel you can get away with. Most people are preoccupied, so as long as you do this, there is minimal attention. Of course the height is always there to trip you up, and so is make up. Modern women just wear so little make up. As we need to conceal beard shadow or worse then up close tgirls are always going to struggle, but as I have already said, if you make the effort then going out can be a reality.

I am a lifelong occasional crossdresser happily married. Discovered crossdressing on Flickr by accident and was blown away by some of the lovely photos. Recently took early retirement so now have more time to dress, take pics of myself and explore my feminine side. Just want to share my photo's and feelings of being a crossdresser with like minded people. Would appreciate any comments on my pics, hopefully nice but I accept constructive criticism. Please nothing too overtly sexual.as I'm straight, married and definitely not looking for sex. I find most feminine attire desirable especially lingerie but I adore stiletto high heels and am almost addicted to stockings and pantyhose.By the way I’m 60 years young. Born in 1957.

11th December 2017.

I feel I am just starting out on a journey & as I have read quite a few profiles & found it fascinating, I have decided to expand my profile. If you don’t want to read it, that’s fine by me, just read the bit before this. If you are at all interested, I suggest you drop back from time to time as I may well document my changing circumstances. If you look at my photo’s you will already have a good idea of what I look like, but for those that like stats — I am 5’ 10’’. 35-28-34 or thereabouts and weigh 10 stone. Am 👗 size 10-12 but will squeeze into smaller if I can. I own dresses in size 8, 10, and 12. Back zip I go for 12, stretchy size 8 or 10. Usually my broad male upper back and shoulders are the limiting factor ( by woman’s standards) hosiery I wear large for the length of leg and usually opt for 34b in a bra. Strangely, my male self wears size 8 shoe or 8 1/2 while a size 7 👠 seems the best compromise. Of my present collection of 10+ pairs of stiletto’s ( size 6-8 ) not one pair is wearable for long periods without some discomfort/pain. That said, I absolutely love 💕 tottering around the house in my highheels. I LOVE IT 😊

RECENT HISTORY.

After retirement in August 2016 my crossdressing reignited in January 2017 though it did not really take off until August when I returned from holiday feeling burned out and depressed. After coming across Flickr’s tgirl community, I wanted to emulate some of the gorgeous & classy girls & it wasn’t long before Julie louise appeared. It has been and still is a very traumatic & confusing time for me and things have moved at a ridiculous pace. In just a few months I have gone from an occasional ( ok - often ) lingerie crossdresser to Julie louise. Someone who is fully shaved, wears makeup, paints toe and fingernails, dresses on occasion fully on femme, and wears panties and hosiery almost every day. I now also regularly go to bed in pantyhose and a negligee. Looking back I can see it was inevitable I was going to get caught but I seemed to be on an escalator that I could not get off. In late October my wife discovered the truth and fortunately we are working it through. I don’t quite know what’s going to happen or where I’ll end up, but for now she is very supportive & amazingly; in some ways it’s brought us closer together. It’s like a big weight has been lifted, yet by the same token, I’ve opened Pandora’s box. I am still very much in the closet with everyone bar my wife. I have no desire to be a woman or live as one full time but although I love my male identity, I want to be who I truly am... two people or perhaps it’s just two parts of the same person. I can’t really understand or explain fully, all I know is that I am enthralled and in torment in equal measure. Now I am honest with my wife, I have more freedom to be Julie louise at home but I feel caged. I want to be fully free, I have wasted too many years and I want to spread my wings in public. Yet those same fears still exist as they always have and now my wife is forced to share that burden of secrecy with me. I’m determined to be Julie louise when I want, but in reality, I’m not sure 🤔 I can do it. The real world is a scary place!!

MY PAST HISTORY.

Well I never had sisters or an elegant or feminine mother & I was never made to dress up as a girl when a child. I loved being a boy and was never attracted to dolls or girly pursuits. Sports and adventure was my thing and still is to this day. In fact I miss my youth very much, they were good times. So where did my crossdressing come from? Well I guess there will always be lots of unanswered questions & I suppose I’m just as confused by my personality as I’ve always been. The difference is I’m not so petrified about it all as I was and I don’t really feel so guilty anymore. However, despite discovering all the people out there with stories like my own, I still don’t really feel comfortable with who I am. I know we tgirls are not the norm, & secrecy is a huge burden to bear. Anyway, beyond the shame, I am trying to embrace all that is wonderful about my Julie louise side.

My first experience of dressing was around age 9 or 10. I remember seeing some red lacey nylon M&S knickers in the airing cupboard and having an overwhelming compulsion to put them on. I had an immediate and immense erection but still managed to go down to lunch wearing them under my trousers. I think I was blushing throughout and was definitely stiff. How no one noticed I will never know. Soon after I tried my mothers pantyhose on and from that day forth there was no going back. In those days my crossdressing was almost wholly sexual, but after puberty, I think I started to realise that there was more to it than that. I could always get sexual satisfaction from wearing women’s underwear, but I started to want more. I started to dress up and go out, first at night away from people, and eventually in makeup and in public. From age 18 to my mid twenties I had more experiences than I could ever share here. Going out in women’s clothes was electric, an unbelievable buzz and I’m sure that it played a part in me wanting to do it, but I also believe that there’s more to it than that. I might have looked like a man in a dress but I definitely felt different. I felt feminine & at peace; certainly it felt right and natural for me, even though society was telling me it wasn’t. I can’t explain it any better, but I needed to do it, and it wasn’t sexual in nature. Like most tgirls, I went through phases of dressing & after several brushes with the law, my dressing tapered off sharply as the risks of being found out just seemed too high a price to pay. A bit later when I met my wife, I thought I would be cured as If I had an illness. It’s odd really because I think I was starting to understand that this urge to dress was just part of who I am. Yet I truly believed she would be a cure. I suppose being in love fully for the first time and combined with all that early sex a new relationship brings, I just felt there would be no need to dress anymore and I was plainly wrong. However, I did purge my wig, homemade fake boobs, makeup 💄 etc & for nearly 30 years, went back to just wearing lingerie under my clothes or sometimes in the house when my wife was out. So there you have it, the bare bones of my life as a tgirl.

The only thing I need to add is a few thoughts on my personality. I am still trying to make sense of it all but I think that whilst Julie louise is an expression of my feminine side, she is still partly a mix of my male side. When I go fully femme as Julie louise, I want to feel and be like a lady. Yet I seem to always be flashing my knickers and perhaps that is my male side manifesting itself, for as a man, those are the sort of images I would want to view. Anyway I guess I’m just trying to understand myself. I have always had a strong female side and have never truly felt comfortable among groups of men with their often aggressive macho ways and drinking and football culture. I have often envied women their easy going social interaction and wanted to mix among them. I love feminine fashion, flowers, nature and am very romantic. Secretly I have enjoyed romantic chic flicks. Most of all I have a strong need for love and security. Fortunately, my wife provides this last bit. I’m hoping Julie louise will now go on to fill the blank void that exists within me and make me complete.

If you have read through to here.... thank you, and I hope it has been at least a little interesting and enlightening.