December 2024: The more things change...

My what a difference 8 months can make. Not long after writing my last update, my sister passed away and officially made me a family orphan. She was 8 years older and in bad health, so it wasn’t totally unexpected. I used my VR set and began to exercise and eat better. I’m down 30 pounds and in much better shape… physically. Emotionally… well, I still sway from side to side as to whether I’m more trans or more CD. There are a few things that I know. I’m ready to make a connection again and to be upfront with that person on who I am. I’m attracted to all things feminine, so sorry guys, not interested unless you are trans, a respectful and feminine CD, or somewhere in between. An understanding woman would be welcome if not rare to find. I hope to finish another novel this next year and to continue to work on myself, both emotionally and physically. I’m going to venture out more and embrace the ever-evolving me. I have a couple of exciting trips (with my daughters—male mode) planned and hope to improve my golf game… last year was awful. If I only could play in my skirt from the red tees… May you all find some grace and kindness this year, and share it with others as well.

April 2024-- A new year, same me.

I walk the path between here and there, never sure which shoe I'll be wearing. After my father passed, I really thought that I might travel down the road toward being more trans, but it has been the opposite. I am, still, to some extent, but the desire to move further down that path has momentarily stopped and settled at being a "CD" who is more. Only time or death will tell where I finish. Some exciting news! I finished the first novel in the Sam Rhodes series. I wrote the first draft five years ago, set it aside, added to it before publishing a different novel, and then took the time to finish it this spring. I have it available in eBook and Print on Amazon.com. This isn't one of those sexual farces of forced womanhood that are prevalent, but rather a suspense thriller with a main character who is a crossdresser. It gives a glimpse into our world and many of the feelings that we have. Sam is also that person whom many of us wish we could be--the one who easily walks between worlds. He's got his own issues, as do most of us. I plan to write more in the series as I shuffle between my own circumstances. Healthwise, it's time to lose the 10 pounds and then some that I gained this winter. I bought the Metaquest VR to use their workouts... got to say, and give it a plug... I love it. Here's the link to the book.

www.amazon.com/Cross-Rhodes-Rhodes-Novel-Book-Beginnings-...

Updated August 2023

For those of you who have ever had to take care of an aging parent, my prayers and appreciation are with you. My father passed in May at age 95. He didn't make it two years after Mom passed. It is the saddest thing to watch someone dwindle away, both from life and living it. The added stress got the best of me, and I put on weight and watched my blood pressure and anxiety levels increase. Hiding who you are is a rollercoaster of anxiety anyway, but throw in a diabetic father who traversed the negative side of healthcare and their practices, and I'm lucky to come out on the other side somewhat intact.

I will say that taking care of my father to the very end was a gift that I didn't take lightly. Personality-wise, we were two ends of different spectrums… might have something to do with who I masquerade as instead of who I really am. A point of view that changes as the wind blows. Just when I think I have a notion, it morphs and twists once again. I am more than a CD (for certain), and I believe I am somewhere on the transgender side of the line, but as to how far I'm willing to go? We shall see as the desire to explore this is stronger than ever. I will be booking some therapy in the hopes that maybe I'll begin HRT to see if that settles my mind (in many ways). I've lived with the anxiety my whole life of not being right, out of sync, and playing a game of life that is a shadow of the real me. In the end with my father, I was able to let go of the negativity that was between us and give him the better of me.

The weight is coming off, and the future is much more open to me than ever before. I'm ready to experience new and better things. My health (knocks on wood) is much better other than the sciatica in my right leg (who needs another reason to wobble on heels… hmm.) I look forward to getting out, somewhere, and being me. Maybe even approach the possibility of a new relationship?

You can always find out more about me on CDH or TGH where I am the Managing Editor for article submissions. I hope to release that Crossdressing Novel this winter. It's in the third phase of editing and will be an ongoing series once I get started. I also have three other novels to work on to go with my others (male side).

Here’s to a future of less stress and more fun! Until next time… be kind to yourself and others. It’s the one gift that surely matters.

Brina

Update November 2021

So much good and then a devastating month of November. My health is so much improved, lost 26 pounds (15 to go to my personal weight goal), survived another birthday, had a great vacation, and then my mother passed. It was expected...just not this soon or abruptly. I'm thankful she is at peace from where she was and most certainly where she had been headed with dementia and lung cancer. "A blessing," as they say. I had the chance to help my sister (distance and age difference haven't made us close). How that is so much more important now than it had been at the time.

I move ever closer to becoming a truer version of myself...yet to be determined and likely never will. I am more than a crossdresser, less of a man, and somewhere nearer that essence of femininity that I so desire. My latest book is ready for the publisher, and...I once again was blocked by someone who read my profile and then accused me of stealing their pictures (Yeah, I know. How is liking someone's picture stealing it. I didn't copy it to my personal page or even download any)--again no chance to respond to them. I was told that the least I could do was comment on them before stealing them? I don't get it, and maybe that is for the best. We all come here for different reasons. What would I have said if given the chance? "Okay, block me, you clearly have higher expectations of your worth than I do."

I thought it might be helpful to post the Flickr description for those who think it is something that it isn't. My last wish for you all is to be kind, be compassionate, and be healthy.

Until next time,

Brina

Description:

Flickr is a photo-sharing platform and social network where users upload photos for others to see. Users create a free account and upload their own photos (and videos) to share with friends and followers online. Here's how it works.

Visit Flickr

How Flickr Is Different From Other Photo Platforms

What sets Flickr apart from other popular photo-sharing apps like Facebook and Instagram is that it's truly a photo-centric platform built for professional photographers and photography enthusiasts to show off their work while enjoying the work of others.

It's more focused on the art of photography than any other major social network out there. Think of it as Instagram for professional photographers.

Update: December 2020

Oh, shall we talk about the year that was…hmm. My fall of 2019 through this past summer was one of miserable health. Rarely, do I have issues other than an ongoing sinus thing that lets me know when the weather is planning to change… I didn’t contract Covid…at least not yet but felt fatigued and useless. Last winter…usually my time to let Brina shine, and she didn’t, instead hiding away as I dealt with gallbladder issues and removal. To only add to the problem was and still is an issue with my right knee and sciatic nerve—(let me tell you; it puts a huge damper on wearing heels unless sitting is all you want to do!) I’m since back and vigilantly working on shedding the extra 20 pounds I’ve gained. I’m going to need to use those camera angles perfectly until then.

I’d like to add that I’m drawn to and captivated by femininity. I also appreciate the effort that goes into manifesting the beauty within. If I like your picture it means, “Bravo, well done, beautiful, tastefully sexy, or I appreciate you.” Recently, I’ve been hit on by so many men and other’s like me or in transition. I’m sadly afraid that a love life is not in my current cards as I tend to my aging parents…a mother going through dementia. In my perfect world, I would find that person who accepts me for whatever I am or become. I’m not interested in manly men (I won’t say ever, just not my first, second, or third choice at this time), I love all that is feminine and the more so the better. I’m not looking for hookups.

I’d like to add that I won’t like and favor nudity; I love the aura of femininity and the effort to present it and own it. Sensuality, beauty, tastefulness, and seduction are what wins my affection. To all, I wish you a much better 2021!

Sabrina

Update: July 2019

I've had the unpleasant experience of being blocked by a beautiful example of femininity and grace (Yes____, you). She posted a comment on one of my pictures. I favored several on her page and was rewarded with a message that stated I should comment on each of her pictures as she requested and that she was glad I liked her pictures. She then blocked me so as I couldn't respond, or even explain or comment.

So... I feel it's time that I speak to those of you who demand that we comment or you will block us. Why? Is this not a picture site? Have you ever considered that not all of us want to comment, and why is it important that we do so. I'm sure you have your reasons, as I have mine. What I will say, is that if I've favored one of your pictures, I've found it to have captured the essence of femininity. My favor is my way of complimenting you, and I don't do it randomly or without thought. I also only favor respectful pictures and truly envy those who can present themselves so well...I can only hope...

I once had a professor in college who demanded that we attend his class. After 3 absences, he would lower our grade. I'm not one for standing up and making comments about policy, but I did that time. I asked him point blank who paid his salary. I continued by stating that I paid for my tuition and could decide on my own whether the teacher and class was worth my investment. If he felt the need to demand attendance, then I had serious questions about him and his class. I walked out and registered for a different class. There is a downside to this as he was in his 70's and taught the only class that I needed to receive my degree. I hoped for 3 years that he would retire, but he didn't, and I didn't earn that degree.

This is how I see the big picture...(pun intended.) You expect comments on a picture site or else...enough said.

UPDATE: June 2018

I'm amazed by the beauty I've discovered on this site. So many that display femininity with such near perfection. It doesn't matter if they are weekend women, on the road to become the woman they've always felt, or stuck somewhere between, we all embody the need to present that part of us that was buried but never silent. I am mostly an introvert, not a good trait for being who I am, but not handicapped by it either. Brina is willing to share her pictures, her journey. I only wish that I still had all of those pictures from 12 years ago, when I was really fit, maybe someday soon again as I work hard at molding myself into a better version together. I don't know where I'll end, but seeing everyone here, and reading their profiles and the comments they leave for me is inspiring. I'm horrible at messaging and commenting. I do respond to kind messages. If I favor your picture or add you, it's because I see the woman, the femininity, the beauty.

Be kind,

Brina

About Sabrina:

Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish hails from the Midwest with a long heritage going back to Scotland, though she has never been…but will someday soon. Brina is a life-long crossdresser and walks the thin line between male and female. It depends on the day as to how one presents themselves. The older I've gotten, the less I like labels. I believe we are all female and male; some traits are stronger and determine our inner makeup. It took nearly 40 years to accept that I am who I am and to be happy and proud in that acceptance. Brina is the half that makes me a whole individual. Without her, I am not the person I am supposed to be, nor a person that I like. It shouldn't be about what we wear, or how we look, it should be about our spirit, our good works, and our decency to others.

December 27, 2017

I think it fair to say that I love womanhood. It's a look, and even more importantly, a strong feeling within me. I am most at peace when I am Brina. Am I transgendered? Yes, but where I fit on the spectrum even I don't know. If you asked me 10 times if I would take the magic pill and become female—8 out of 10 times I'd say yes with 2 of those being slightly reluctant. I'm also an introvert, which doesn't help me in socializing outside the privacy of my closet. I tend to respond to emails, but don't comment on pictures easily. I love to see all of the pretty woman who graciously make this site more beautiful, and I acknowledge you by favoring those pictures that express the woman inside. That being said; I'm not attracted to penis images or hairy boobs in bras. I like my males pretty and adore females who accept girls like me. May 2018 be a remarkable year for all of us.