Born in pre-war Prussia and raised part-time in an orphanage on Bouvet Island in the South Atlantic, ε βean is internationally known for his creative pecan pie and vegemite recipes. After a long stint teaching children how to weave baskets underwater, he later developed an award-winning system for parking large automobiles in narrow garages.

Now in his 90s, ε βean is retired from his previous occupation as goat herder and pop teen idol. He spends his days pontificating with trolls (the real ones, not the internet ones) and fussing over his antique water bottle collection. Seriously, you read all of this? I'm impressed.

Actually, I'm in my 50s. I work in something non-photography-related. I'm married and have two great kids.