Since I set up this profile I've still maintained the requisite two arms, two legs, eyes (blue), ears etc, but have aged a few years, lost 3 stones in weight (thanks to Weight Watchers), and desperately in need of a new wardrobe (I'm not proud, if anyone has any expensive Karen Millen dresses in a size 12 or 14 they need to get rid of, I'm your girl).

 

I'm 45 now (God, there goes another year), and if you weren't aware already I'm a transvestite, crossdresser, tgirl, whatever (the only labels I like are the ones you get in clothes - and they preferably don't say dry clean only). I live in the Oxford area, with 3 cats (we used to have 4, but the boy died a few years ago, and we really miss the old ****ard).

 

Oh, I'm also married to a lovely girl (who also owns/shares the house with me and the cats). She knows about my dressing and until recently preferred not to know about it, but now

that has changed a bit, well a lot really (we might even be gracing one of the TV venues with our presence later this year, if they'll have us).

 

I've been dressing since the age of six and never intend to stop (they can bury me in a dress as far as I'm concerned, unless I'm cremated of course - what a morbid thought!!). Mainly looking for others in this area for frienship.

 

NOT IN THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED IN ADMIRERS (you'll get dumped if you try to add me as a favourite - harsh I know, but prefer to add those who ask nicely, and of course wear loadsa lippy in their pics - Oh, no faceless beauties need apply either).

 

I have blue eyes (I've said that already though), slim(ish) build (can get into a size 10 skirt), about 5 feet 8 inches tall, and hair colour changes depending on the weather (although I love my latest wig, which is much closer to my own hair colour).

 

I reserve the right never to update this profile again, in which case I will forever be 45, married with 3 cats, although certain circumstances may result in an infrequent amendment of details (hopefully not the weight bit, I never want to be a size 16 again, never).

______________________________________________

 

09/06/2009

 

Haven't updated for a while, and really promise not to make this a blog, so in near future will archive most of the crap somewhere else, but had a great weekend and have related to a lot more people what I'm intending to do. First of all told a woman in HR at work that I intend to transition (not the first case they've had there) and it went fine, less suprise than I thought it might be, just the proviso that some workmates might be very inquisitive about it when I do turn up there as a female, which is fine by me, but don't anticipate any negative reactions, maybe suprise from those I've worked with for 20 odd years, but that isn't too unexpected, just scary (don't know why it should be!!).

 

Other thing is, I went to final night of a drama festival that my late wife and I have been to for many years, only this time decided to go in a dress, and wow, what a lovely reception I got from all quaters, even people I'd never met before who realised I was either TV or TS. Can't thank them enough, certainly boosted my confidence (if not ego) and has left me thinking, so f**king what (pardon my french), if they love you they love you, if they don't it's not your loss, and the reaction I got was no different from the usual. So here's to the future, mostly in a skirt I think :0)

______________________________________________

 

27/05/2009

 

Feeling a bit depressed right now, despite things moving forward the way I'd like them to, I just want it to happen right now and be over and done with. Hate work, feel I've no reason to be there even though they have been ever so helpful with what has happened over the last year or so. I need to be living fulltime now, but a bit scared about what the reaction might be, hence being depressed :( . Things may change again tomorrow (I hope). Must stop treating this page like a blog.

______________________________________________

 

16/05/2009

 

Haven't written here for a while but had my initial psych consult yesterday, and it went so well that I have a referral for a GIC appointment, yeah. It was far less daunting than I thought it would be and I felt that the doc had made up his mind less than 5 minutes into the consult, that he'd recommend me for transitioning. I think it did help that I went enfemme, as many girls suggested I do, but cant wait until that appointment letter drops through the door. Finally feel like something positive is happening and that the future isn't full of doom and gloom :), next step is probably going full time and letting everyone know, eek!!

______________________________________________

 

26/04/2009

 

One month on and things still feel rather raw. Feel quite alone, despite lots of support, does the feeling of loss ever go away? I know I have to look forward to transitioning and all that will involve, but still a few weeks until the initial psych consult, wish things could move faster. I want to live as a woman now, but not sure I can, until I have a GIC appointment.

______________________________________________

 

26/03/2009

 

My partner died today after a long illness, so not the best of weeks.

______________________________________________

 

22/03/2009

 

Things just seem to go from bad to worse, not only is my wife dying from ovarian cancer, but one of our cats was killed by a car tonight, at the top of our cul-de-sac, can't cope with how shit life seems to be at the moment. Billie was only 6 years old and born on my birthday, she was a beautiful loving cat who only wanted love and affection and hopefully received it in spades.

______________________________________________

 

11/03/2009

 

Keep it short this time and really must find somewhere else to put all this junk for those who'd rather not plough through a lengthy profile. Saw my GP again on monday and said that I want to move forward on transitioning and she's going to write a letter of referral for me, so next stop is the initial psych consult and who knows where from there? I have a great GG friend to talk to about all this and she has been more than encouraging, even willing to attend any appointments I'll need, you really know who your friends are when you need them. I also had a telephone conversation with my sister where I mentioned that I want to become her sister and she wasn't judgmental or trying to talk me out of it, so one more hurdle crossed without any major problem. So much for keeping things short hey, I must have a whole blog site inside me somewhere!!

______________________________________________

 

23/02/2009

 

Took the rather brave step of telling my GP that I was a TV for as long as I can remember and that I'm probably TS and would like to transition in the near future, I was shaking so much when I broached the subject, but the response I got was ever so positive. She didn't know much about what it entailed at that stage and said she would look into it for me. Later that day I got a phone call from her making some suggestions and it looked like she'd really done some research into the matter. Left it that I would contact her if I truly thought I wanted to go through with the transition. Things are rather difficult for me to make a clear cut decision, what with my wife being close to dying from ovarian cancer (she's in a cancer hopspice at the moment), but I chose to tell my GP as I didn't want people to think I wanted to make the change as a reaction to grieving for my partner. I've always felt that I should have been a girl and the events over the last year or so have only made that more clear.

______________________________________________

 

22/02/2009

 

Quite a while since I updated here, or anywhere else for that matter, but then things have been quite dire over the last year. My partner is dying rather slowly from cancer and there is nothing I can do but watch it happen and give all the love and support I'm able to give. Sometimes I wish it were me or that we could both go together, though that could been seen as being rather selfish on my part and I need to be strong for the both of us, but where do I go from here and how do I cope in the meantime? It's like being in what I can only imagine people refer to as limbo, nothing else matters and the day to day importance of other people living their own lives passes me by, but I know I have to be strong about things and sort things like planning our financial security (even knowing she wont be around to enjoy it) and arranging her funeral in the manner she'd like. I'd really like both or lives to have counted for something (even if friends & family already think that they think they do) and have started to think about chartitable endeavours either here in the UK or working abroad, God knows my life feels like s**t at the moment, but I'd like that to be turned into a positive thing for the future, rather a a demise into alcoholism or such similar.

______________________________________________

 

17/11/2008

 

After quite a while of inactivity on the going out dressed front (I dress at home every day now, infact I'd say I wear 'womens' clothes over 90% of the time), finally got out in the real world again. Today I did the weekly grocery shop at the local Sainsbury's (I like clomping down the aisles in knee high leather boots), but last Friday I went to a girl friends leaving do in the centre of Oxford.

 

I decided to take the bus into town as I wanted to drink that night, no hassle there, only some loose change dropped on the floor and I wasn't sure it was mine, but didn't want to argue with the lad that picked it up. Got into town, but still had a fair walk to get to Little Clarendon street (where I'd been told the restaurant was), the walk taking me straight through the busy central shopping street of Oxford on a Friday night (eek). Again, no problems, no laughing or pointing or getting read, eventually arrived at Little Clarendon Street a bit earlier than we all planned to meet.

 

After walking up and down the street several times and not finding the restaurant anywhere (I was wearing a red dress too, but thankfully wasn't propositioned by anyone), I decided to ask the waiting staff at one of the open restaurants. What a waist of time, none of them spoke english as a first language, or knew that area of Oxford, and to make things worse, the young waitress said "Sorry sire, you might want to try Walton Street, there's more restaurants down that way". Grrrr, and I thought I'd put on my best lady like voice.

 

Eventually, after texting the organiser of the night out, asking her where the f**k is Jamal's restaurant, I eventually found it quite a long way down Walton Street, and she hadn't even arrived yet. The rest of the night passed very quickly, plenty of red wine and some curry, lots of talking and being treated just like one of the girls (one even told me I'm better company when dressed as a girl). Final thing, the restaurant was fairly cramped and to get to talk to everyone I was sometimes stood next to or behind a chair, so it was really nice to hear the waiters there say "Excuse me madam" whenever they needed to get by with a trolley of food (the simplest compliments really make a difference to us tgirls I think you'd agree). Can't wait for the next trip out, hopefully this side of Christmas :)

______________________________________________

 

13/11/2008

 

Not a lot to report over the last few months. Still been going out with the ggirls from my wife's work, but less frequently than before. A few shopping trips to the supermarket for the odd bits and pieces. Lots of purchases off ebay (should slow down on that really, or get a bigger wardrobe space). I've also discovered that hold up stockings they make these days really do work (unlike in 'ye olden days' where they'd end up sagging around your knees), so now I'm a convert as they feel good and are far healthier when it comes to circulating air currents.

 

Main thing I've come across is that I'm not the only T-girl in the village!!

 

I was at the village Health Centre the other day and spotted her waiting to go in and see a doctor. It was obvious to me if to no one else in the waiting room that she was or more likely used to be a he, and I can only say I felt so happy for her and jealous at the same time. Needless to say I didn't go over and introduce myself as a fellow t-girl, but maybe I should have, what are the chances I'd get another opportunity? Anyway it's a nice feeling to know that someone else is trying to get on in real life as who they want to be and to hell with the bigots who label t-girls as perverts and the like.

______________________________________________

 

18/7/2008

 

Went out with the ggirls from my wife's work again last night to yet another local pub. We had a nice meal and I'm sure I was read again, but no incidents just a few sour looks, but hey why should I care I was having a great time, looks like this might become a regular outing for the girls and they are more than happy for me to come along enfemme, infact they said I'm more talkative and easier to get on with when dressed as a girl.

 

Today I thought to hell with it, I'll go out into Oxford and do a bit of window shopping, as a girl of course. So, Friday lunchtime in Oxford, fairly busy, but not as busy as a Saturday granted. Did I get read? Nope, not at all, everyone was too busy going about their own business to consider checking me out. Spent over an hour and a half going around the shops, seeing what was in the sales, and spent about £40 on some makeup from Boots and a skirt and womens slacks (yes trousers if they must be called that) from Next (seconds shop). Fought through a bit of a scrumage in M&S Per Una, but sadly all the sale stuff was too big for me, and difficult to get near some of the rails (women are so single minded when they're looking through sale items, must remember to be more ruthless myself next time). Will there be more shopping outings? Well I hope so, it's far more exciting than clicking away on ebay, and you get to clearly see what you're buying.

______________________________________________

 

16/7/2008

 

Just got back from a two week break in Pembrokeshire (South West Wales for those who weren't sure). Had a fair mix of poor to moderate weather and stayed at two very different country cottages (one which is owned/renovated by Griff Rhys Jones, near Fishgaurd - look it up, it's a beautiful place). Spent a great deal of time enfemme as the weather was so bad and did manage to go out for dinner twice all dressed up (see piccies below - that's if I haven't deleted them yet).

 

Did get a few stares from men at the bar in the Tafarn Sinc, but maybe that's because they don't see many women in that part of Wales (lol). Booked the second place in person whilst in drab and did get a puzzled look from the barmaid when we turned up on the night both wearing a dress, but who cares what people think, as long as you act like it's the most normal thing in the world for you to dress that way, then very few people seem to question it (or such has been my reaction so far).

 

Oh well, back to the everyday grind now and look forward to the next outing.

______________________________________________

 

29/6/2008

 

Ended up not going to the drama festival in the end as yesterday I went to a friends 60th birthday party in the afternoon and saw some friends who I rarely see. One of the girls was even giving me hints about makeup etc and said I should go out on the town with her soon (that'll have to wait until after our holiday I'm sorry to say).

 

Left the party early to give a lift to another friend who was there, as she was going out to dinner that evening. On dropping her off at yet another friends house, we were all invited in for a drink and a chat. After an hour or so it was too late to get home, get some food and go out again, but what a wonderful afternoon, had a few pictures taken by others (which they have promised to email me), and an invite to come round for dinner some time as a girls night out; how great is that to be treated just like the other girls. Anyway, on hols for two weeks and may dine out enfemme whilst away, so may have something to write when I get back.

______________________________________________

 

28/6/2008

 

Went out to the drama festival again last night, dressed in the brown patterned skirt and pink sleeveless blouse I bought at Sainsbury's last week (shown in the three pics I added yesterday). Again there were two plays on, with lots of people I've actually been on satge with or know through the amdram network in Oxfordshire. The last play was by the group I've done a lot of one act plays with in this particular festival, and they had a fair sized entourage of supporters from the village I live in.

 

Felt very nervous and nearly turned back out of the theatre when I saw them all there in the foyer, but decided to bluff it and sat through the plays and the adjudications, even got myself a drink during the interval, went to the ladies lavatory and ocassionally caught the eye of one or two people who know me well. No one said a thing or came over to talk to me, right until the very end when I thought no one had recognised me, one of the guys came over and asked what I thought of the performance tonight, so I said to him 'you know who I am' and he said 'yes, and it didn't bother him at all how I was dressed'.

 

Well after that it became a bit of a blur, talking to all the people I know, whilst dressed enfemme, and not one of them seemed the least bothered that I was dressed up as a woman, I even had a brief chat to the adjudicator to tell him about my wife's cancer. Everyone one seemed fine about my dressing and not the least phazed, but what I did find strange is no one asked me anything about my crossdressing, like why do I do it, how long have I been dressing etc, it was like they had known all along and the conversations ran the lines of what we usually talk about when I see them (not sure if that's cool or just a bit worrying??).

 

Anyway, it's the awards night tonight and I've decided to go again to see what plays win the trophies and see who else spots who's in the skirt and blouse. Sadly there won't be any other little advenures for a few weeks as we're off to Pembrokeshire for a well earned break, but I'm sure there'll be plenty when we get back.

______________________________________________

 

25/6/2008

 

This profile is getting to be more like a diary at the moment, but I've got something more to relate, so it will just have to get longer I guess!

 

Last night (as I suggested I might below) I went to a local drama festival enfemme and again no one gave me a second thought. I was in the queue to get a ticket behind a girl I've been on stage with (in a two hand play) and know quite well, and she never spotted it was me at all ( I was tempted to say hello and see if she twigged, but bottled out, maybe next time I will). Her husband was looking directly at me and again I didn't sense that he recognised me.

 

The two plays were OK (second one better than the first), and I had a seat behind the adjudicator, whom I also know well (he even gave the main trophy to a play I was in on stage at the same festival 4 years ago). The theatre was half full (holds about two hundred people) and a nice young chinese girl sat next to me asked if she could look at my programme, as she arrived late and didn't get one. I must be mad, as my voice isn't exactly feminine, but I recommended a play she should come to see later in the week as I'd seen it already at another festival and it was very good. Again no indication from her that I was anything other than another girl (wow!!).

 

One last thing (OK two), the most eventful thing of the evening happened as I was leaving the house to drive to the theatre. We live in a quiet cul-de-sac and as I was driving away one of the neighbours was walking down the road back to her house. She gave me a very pleasant smile and wave (our cars are very recognisible), but I'm sure she didn't have a clue it was me who was driving, and if she did then I guess she takes it in her stride that she has a crossdressing neighbour.

 

Will I do it again later in the week? Well it is a drama festival and I'd like to see more of the plays that are on, and see if anyone actually figures out that it's me in the skirt and blouse.

 

______________________________________________

 

24/6/2008

 

Did a bit more enfemme grocery shopping in the local Sainsbury's today, still forgot the salad dressing though (damn). Slightly less nervous this time as I'm more familiar with the layout of this one and it wasn't as crowded. I'm getting so used to this going out lark and currently dressing everyday. Are these the first steps to wanting to stay in a skirt 24/7? Obviously not the same skirt and wouldn't want to sleep in them, that'd get them very creased. I'm even thinking of going to a local drama festival all dressed up, where there will be quite a few people who know me, but don't, as yet, know that I prefer dressing as a girl (there, I've said it, I honestly prefer dressing this way and don't care who knows it or sees me dressed, I've even thought about letting Human Resources and my manager at work know, so that I could dress up for work - maybe not yet though, hmm!!).

______________________________________________

 

21/6/2008

 

You know how it is, once you've pushed open that door you start wondering what else can I do en-femme? Well I went out today to do the grocery shopping at a local Sainsbury's, not the one in Oxford, they don't have a clothes section, and there is a 25% off sale on Tu clothing at the moment, so as well as getting all the food shopping I picked up a very nice brown patterned skirt and pink sleeveless blouse too (all for less than 20 quid). They didn't have a size 10 in the skirt I wanted, only an 8, but guess what? it fits perfectly!!

 

I must admit I was a bit nervous to start with, wondering if I'd be spotted as a 'filthy tranny', and thrown out of the shop with everyone laughing at me, but nothing remarkable happened. It was very busy in the store, but no double takes or prolonged stares, everyone seemed completly oblivious to me being a guy in a skirt & blouse and the wonderfully smiley young checkout girl didn't wonder why I had a slightly deep voice for a woman (at least I never saw any reaction). So there you go, an hour and a bit wandering around Sainsbury's in 3" heels, with hundreds of other shoppers and no one suspected I was anything other than a middle aged lady out doing the weekly shop. What's next then? A trip to town to do some clothes shopping and maybe try things on before buying them? Now that would be great, but it'd be nice to have someone to go shopping with.

______________________________________________

 

20/6/2008

 

The wife's mother and sister visited on Wednesday and Thursday, all the way from the North East (South Shields) and guess what, I stayed all dressed up. So now they know as well, I even drove them back and forth to a guest house and Oxford train station, still all dressed up (wearing 3" heels - what fun). I'm sure the next door neighbours must have seen me; they were out the front of their house, and even waved as I drove past, a very quizical look on their face though (lol).

 

Have since heard that my mother in law said to my sister in law that it's nice that I dress up, now she knows what to get me for christmas, so can't wait to see what it'll be.

______________________________________________

 

18/6/2008

 

What a week it's been. Last night my partner was going out for a drink with some of her friends from work so I asked if I could come too, all dressed up, she said yes so I did and the other girls didn't mind, they didn't know before and weren't at all bothered that I was a guy trying to look like a girl.

 

I was the only one wearing a skirt and they just treated me as they normally do. I may have got one strange look from the waiter when I opened my mouth to say what I wanted to drink (my voice is quite deep), but other than that nothing at all, oh, apart from two guys who said 'hello ladies' as we were walking towards the pub, easy mistake for them to make though, lol. The GG friends even said I should come out with them next time they go for a drink (eek).

______________________________________________

 

16/6/2008

 

Can't believe I did this, but yesterday I told my mum and sister that I'm a tgirl and that I still like dressing up. I had been caught several times in my youth and early teens by both of them, but I reckoned they thought I had 'grown out of it'.

 

I was more amazed at their reaction than they seemed to be about me telling them. My sister said she'd always known and 'so what'. Why didn't I tell them before? Seems like it's more of a big deal to me than it is to them. I'm not recommending everyone goes and tells their nearest and dearest about the fact they dress, but the reaction I got was a great suprise to me and far more positive than I ever expected. Next step the world maybe!!!

______________________________________________

 

January 08 (sometime??)

 

Even more minor update, I bought an epilator from Boots, half price in the winter sales.

It does what it says on the tin, some times pain, sometimes elation (?), but mostly epilation and a hairless body, what joy.

______________________________________________

 

December 07 (sometime??)

 

Slight update, I now weigh less than 10 stone, how did that happen? Size 8-10 below, but still a 12-14 up top :( , still can't have everything.

 

Have very bad news aswell, my partner has Ovarian Cancer, so we have both been through hell over the last few months, her ever so far more than me, I suffer from anxiety attacks, but they so pale into insignificance compared with what she has had to suffer, and still people are asking me how I am (go figure). The next few months and years will be hard for the both of us, but we are both trying to stay positive and cope with the day to day things and not think that far ahead (but then I never have). Whatever happens I have so loved and grown as a person over the last 18 years of living with her and would be so lost without her (sorry getting mushy here), but what do you do if you lose the love of your life?

______________________________________________