09/04/19. Guess I’ll do this update stream of consciousness style and see where it goes...

I’m Evie, I used to think I was just a guy that liked dressing up and looking pretty. As time has gone on however, I think there might be more to it. I think of my upbringing and how I was always sensitive and enjoyed the company of girls over boys, especially when boys would ridicule me for what I can only assume were the femme qualities I was unknowingly radiating.

As I grew older, like so many of us, I ran to masculine pursuits; military service, law enforcement, martial arts, the whole shebang (how come it’s not “he-bang”?). I guess, maybe I was trying to suppress the femininity I’d run to when I was home alone (before I outgrew my mom’s clothing). Why couldn’t my mom be tall and statuesque, instead of 5’1” on a good day? At least my grandma didn’t snitch me out when she caught me with mom’s makeup (although Baptist that she was, she let me know of her disapproval, albeit gently).

Fast forward to the early 2000’s and the urges returned. Of course, by now there was the internet and low and behold, it turns out there are a lot more of us than we thought. Never did much on MySpace, but Yahoo360 with its ability to blog and network certainly did wonders for our peace of mind. Then came Flickr and Facebook etc, etc... Granted it also provided an outlet for some who might be considered on the creepy side (but who am I too judge). By 2006, my femme persona was reborn with the name Evie Leigh (bonus info: “Evie” originally stood for Esmeralda Victoria).

Of course, this newfound duality came with soul-crushing guilt (who knew?). Being married with a young child left me in constant worry and stressed out, longing to share this part of myself with the love of my life (we’d been together 13 years by this point) while being terrified of a negative reaction. I used every minor “bad day” to postpone sharing the news. By 2009 I was a wreck and finally mustered the courage. Things went, well, not as well as I’d hoped. While she was stressed out and concerned that I might be gay, the thing that really hurt her was the fact that other people knew and had seen Evie (albeit via social media). That took a little while for her to get over. I’m very fortunate she did and despite the temporary pain would recommend if you’re still hiding this part of yourself that you come clean. I know that’s not easy, but in my opinion being caught or staying closeted are both bad options.

That being said (I did warn you this was stream of consciousness), at that point, I identified as a crossdresser. As I mention above, I think I’m beyond that now. The idea of being “trapped in the wrong body” or “having internal wires crossed” is a very big deal! I’m certainly not equipped to throw out psychology on that topic. This year, I started seeing a therapist due to anxiety and the topics I keep returning to was Evie and the fear of losing my family (in general, not due to Evie). Therapy works wonders and I wholeheartedly recommend it for all manner of topics. I’ve begun growing my hair (and wearing it in a straightened femme style from time to time. Also, I’m now on Spironolactone (as a diuretic) which in high does are often part of some MTF HRT therapies (I’m starting to see more booty and a hint of boob). While I’ve never dressed pretty as much as I’d like, I am “Evie in the head” almost all the time. This provides me with an anchor of patience to carry me through droughts. Combined with the hair and the surprisingly effective Spiro (likely assisted by my naturally decreasing testosterone now that I’m 50) further peace of mind has been achieved.

So here we are. The world has kept spinning and trans-ness is more out in the open than any other time in most of our lifetimes, with both good and negative connotations. I could tell you that I’m well on my way to full-time Evie, but that would be a lie. I love that my wife buy things for Evie, goes with me to Ulta when I’m in boymode and listens patiently when I discuss trans issues. But she fell in love with a guy. Granted a really sensitive guy not afraid to show emotion, but still a guy. Does she still love her occasionally gender fluid guy? Yes, she has told me as much. I could probably dress in feminine styles more often, wear makeup in boymode, and many other outward indicators of femininity, but do I want her to be put in a situation where she’s just humoring me or simply dealing with the hand life dealt her? I don’t. So I take my small victories and fight the good fight, even if it’s at a glacial pace.

Love of self is supposed to be the utmost, but sometimes love of others gets in the way... a little...for a while...

1/24/14 Still here, just not a lot of time to take pics these days, but don't let that deter you from scintillating conversation! New pics...eventually...

Just another good girl with a dirty mind and a suspect sense of humor (or is that suspect mind and a dirty sense of humor, hmmm)...

I totally understand the courage it takes to put up a face pic. But if we're gonna be friends, I need to know what you look like. That's not unreasonable. If I can't see your face and you add me, I'm undoing the contact...but feel free to add me again once you have a face pic up!

Hi, I'm Evie! I'm a happily married cross-dresser (or as Denise Thompson would say, a Hetero Transgender, HTG) exploring my feminine side and trying to pull it off without looking like a sitcom tranny or getting a divorce. The wife knows about Evie and is more supportive than I could have hoped. Life is much better with her knowing. For me (and her, hopefully) anyway. Seeking CDs near and far for friendship and conversation about any ole thing (girly and non-girly).

I prefer friends over contacts or followers. I don't recall ever saying "let's be contacts" to anyone. I’d rather actually like to get to know someone and make as true a friendship as the internet will allow. If you don't want to be friends, just enjoy my pics, maybe leave a nice comment and drive on. I would love to meet all my flickr friends in person and give them a big hug (maybe even a grope...)! I never want to get to the point where I see a friend's name and can't picture their face...

Fella's, I’m not interested in men, but I like a compliment as much as the next girlie! If you check me out or leave a tasteful comment I might even respond with a thank you, but if you add me as a flickr friend without any previous interaction, I'm gonna think you're just trying to get into my Victoria Secre...I mean, Lane Bryants' (sigh) and I'm gonna block ya. And please please please , don't show me your weenie no matter how proud you are of it!

Don’t add me as anything if you have no photos of your own or your photos show you performing a sexual act with someone. Save it for xtube (and share the link...)! And yes, it's very bad manners to show your goodies without showing your face...

I’m not into feet, latex, BDSM, dressing like a maid or referring to myself as a “sissy” or a “slut”, but I’m pretty live and let live. I’m no prude, in fact most of my humor is pretty "blue", but there’s a lot more to me than genitalia (and to you too I hope). Plus, it just wouldn't do for the wife to think that's all us girls were about.

I can’t always be counted on to say “thank you” to every comment I receive, but if you send me an email, I’ll definitely respond, even to non-contacts. I tend to bug friends out of the blue for kicks and giggles, especially if they have something interesting in a photo!

Love and Hugs,

Evie