I am your typical T-girl. I was an effeminate child and began crossdressing at puberty for the sexual arousal but eventually found my femininity was not a fetish but a very real part of my personality.

I am now living full time as Christine. I have come out to friends and most of my family. I still have a few to inform.

As a young boy I was pretty much a sissy but I was naively oblivious to that. I realized later in life that a lot of events were clear indicators and my parents were quick to redirect me toward more masculine conduct or pursuits. For example: everyone used the diminutive of my name putting a "y" on the end. My grandmother always spelled my name with an "i.e." on the end. I thought that was unique I started spelling my name with the "i.e". To add real flair to my signature I also started using circles to dot my "i"s. I was discouraged from this without explanation. Eventually someone pointed out how "girly" this was and of course I stopped immediately.

My first crossdressing experience was nothing secret. My Cousin wanted to put on a play and she wanted the part of Charlie Chaplin's tramp. I was "forced" to play the ingenue. I was about five years old and I wanted to put on the costume she had created but I knew this was "wrong" and I didn't want anyone to see me. I was humiliated and thrilled at the same time. I was assured by my Cousins and my Aunt that it was just a play and I would not be a sissy or anything else to just pretend. Putting on her handmade skirt and pretty blouse was exciting, but the silk scarf and bright red lipstick were divine. My greatest fear was that everyone would know how much I liked it. The audience was my parents and my Aunt and Uncle. Everyone laughed at my cousin's well played gags and my Aunt just couldn't get over what a cute girl I made. It was of course all the usual comments about great eyelashes and being too pretty to be a boy. I was completely embarrassed and ashamed but the real shame is that that gender conformity was so strictly required.

At about the same age my mother took me shopping for a new pair of shoes. Outside the store she told me "You're old enough now." and happily offered to let me pick out my own shoes. The store front window was a mass array of styles and I was overwhelmed. I finally settled on the black patent leather maryjanes. I didn't get them and instead got a lesson in gender appropriate apparel. Other no-noes included asking for a canopy bed, growing my hair long and being made to cut it as well as suggesting I wanted to be a hairdresser when I grow up. That was also sternly rejected.

I started as a young teen exploring mommy's panty drawer. My parents were upset when they caught me crossdressing. I stopped for the most part and was very careful to make sure no one knew how much I enjoyed wearing girl's clothes. When opportunities to express myself came up I retreated into a homophobic shell. How different my life would have been with some understanding: on my part as well as society's in general. I married multiple times and I admit now that my hidden desires to crossdress were an additional impetus behind every divorce.

Ironically my name comes from my mother who once confessed that she had truly wanted a girl and had even picked out a name for me: Christine Marie. At the time she also made her own homophobic fears very clear to me. She was really just trying to protect me in an age when it was completely unacceptable to be trans anything.

I too have purged and then returned to the pleasure of being the most feminine person I can be. I have long admired many of the girls on Flickr and finally have posted the proof of my own femininity.

WARNING:

Any institution or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects or just for personal entertainment DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form both current and future. If you do it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.