i am not one of the cool kids. i don't have a 365, cleavage, photoshop CS4, or a cool city to photograph. i haven't fallen in love with anyone overseas, and i don't find a need to photograph every cup of coffee that i consume, with or without a lot of bokeh. i can't make a box of colored pencils seem interesting - and more importantly, i don't want to. i don't have a studio, an 800mm lens, or a pug. i don't keep enough fresh flowers around the house, and i rarely find myself in either a subway or tunnel. i don't live in iceland or japan, don't have striped socks, nor sheer white drapes to form a backlit silhouette shot. i am not a reasonably attractive woman with a steadily receding inhibition level, nor do i spend a large quantity of time in my bedroom half-naked. i don't photograph every dessert that i eat, and my interaction with hummingbirds, laundromats, and the eiffel tower are kept at a minimum.

but, love my photostream and in return it will love you back. or maybe it will just dry-hump your leg.

i keep secrets from myself. i am a skeptic, a cynic, a procrastinator, a radically unhinged dreamer caught by the sobering confines of an eminent reality. i worry out of convenience, but only until the worrying starts to worry me. i am an optimist, but only until it hurts. I believe that everything happens for a reason - a reason of which you will only be made aware after you stop thinking about how everything happens for a reason.

i sigh a lot.

i think most people think of me as a relative amalgam of abraham lincoln, hobbes, freidrich nietsche, and chuck d. from public enemy. (of course, no one has actually said this aloud or even hinted at it, so it's really just an assumption i've made).

i’m agnostic, but I’m not religious about it., and the concept of prayer outside of a desperate lottery ticket purchase eludes me. i'm shy, but i never tell anyone. i alternate between being a timid extrovert and a brazen introvert. i believe that in a previous life, i had too much time on my hands. I even used to wear two watches. i put my pants on just like everyone else, butter side up. i find ways to be late for things unscheduled.

i have an irrational fear of marshmellows. i believe that, aside from the genocide thing and an overzealous penchant for world domination, a questionable fashion sense was hitler’s greatest shortcoming. if i were ever to take over the world, i would wear cotton dockers. i wonder what the world would be like if hypothetical questions didn’t exist.

i like irony, but it doesn’t like me. i sometimes plagiarize things yet unwritten.

i never say never. always. i make sure every day matters, or at least every third tuesday. i have a sneaking suspicion that you are no longer reading. When i am confused, i ask myself what would a teddy graham do? in the argument of glass half empty vs. half full, i add ice. I try not to worry about the future too much, because it’s better than the alternative. i have a fear of success, so much so that I melted all my boyhood trophies down and turned them into a plaque on my wall that reads simply “you actually suck”. I’m humble, and I’m the best at it.

i continually blur the line between abstract thought and breakfast cereal. i can operate most kitchen appliances with one hand. I’m a father and I consider the outside world a completely ridiculous place to condition a child’s dreams. but i temper my apprehension with the occasional rant, and modest doses of Nyquil or cheesecake, in equal proportions. plus, i keep a small arsenal of play-doh at the ready, for emergencies.

i am forever in search of the perfect coffee creamer flavor. i know why you took that picture of your cat. I dream of someday writing a novel about teenage suicide told entirely from the perspective of the razor blade. I believe the culmination of my professional career will be to sell popcorn in a movie theater. i am an excellent judge of character, but i only apply this talent to dogs.

and, oh, get this: i like photographing stuff. shocker. there’s an unstudied supernatural force of attraction between me and my camera, similar to the invisible cohesion between labrador and tennis ball.

i canon, and i’ve never nikoned, but i think we can all still coexist in relative harmony.

also, if you enjoyed reading this, i also started writing a blog... tunnelingforbacon.wordpress.com

I'm male and complicated.