the girl who made it on her own
no sunflower birthday
day eighty-seven / september 17, 2012
My birthday this year was mostly emotional and frustrating, because I had a horrible sunstroke and I'd been a little afraid it wouldn't feel quite right to be so far away from home anyway, since I was on holiday in Corsica.
What was lovely was being woken up by my friends, who had gotten up early to prepare breakfast. They'd made me coffee and Julian made crêpes and there were two birthday cards on my plate.
But I was feeling more sick the later it got, and by late afternoon I found myself crying alone in the car. The weird thing about it was that I only felt so bad about it all when I actually went through the day in my head, which I did over and over again, and kind of looked at myself from far away. Which was clearly the wrong way to handle it all, because it didn't help much and I really just kept wallowing in self-pity. The only good thing about all of it was that my friends showed so much support as soon as they noticed I was feeling so sad. Nina made me lay on the beach in the dark with her, and we talked (really talked) more during that hour than during the whole week. It was one of those situations that make you realise that in all the sadness and nostalgia and expectations we sometimes suffer from, the little moments really show us that things are alright. It was just a little bit of comfort in the midst of the pain I was feeling all day.
What I learned this year is that we can't always expect to get as much as we give, for everyone attaches importance to different aspects in a friendship. And I need to remember that I might not notice what others pay attention to either. It's not easy, but I'm getting there.
What I also learned is that I wouldn't want to spend another birthday without at least one sunflower, because what else is there to cling to if all else fails than a little symbol of familiarity? :)
(tan skin, blond hair, scratches and mosquito bites on my legs, aching head, tired eyes, and my favourite necklace that I got from Kitty for my birthday last year)
no sunflower birthday
day eighty-seven / september 17, 2012
My birthday this year was mostly emotional and frustrating, because I had a horrible sunstroke and I'd been a little afraid it wouldn't feel quite right to be so far away from home anyway, since I was on holiday in Corsica.
What was lovely was being woken up by my friends, who had gotten up early to prepare breakfast. They'd made me coffee and Julian made crêpes and there were two birthday cards on my plate.
But I was feeling more sick the later it got, and by late afternoon I found myself crying alone in the car. The weird thing about it was that I only felt so bad about it all when I actually went through the day in my head, which I did over and over again, and kind of looked at myself from far away. Which was clearly the wrong way to handle it all, because it didn't help much and I really just kept wallowing in self-pity. The only good thing about all of it was that my friends showed so much support as soon as they noticed I was feeling so sad. Nina made me lay on the beach in the dark with her, and we talked (really talked) more during that hour than during the whole week. It was one of those situations that make you realise that in all the sadness and nostalgia and expectations we sometimes suffer from, the little moments really show us that things are alright. It was just a little bit of comfort in the midst of the pain I was feeling all day.
What I learned this year is that we can't always expect to get as much as we give, for everyone attaches importance to different aspects in a friendship. And I need to remember that I might not notice what others pay attention to either. It's not easy, but I'm getting there.
What I also learned is that I wouldn't want to spend another birthday without at least one sunflower, because what else is there to cling to if all else fails than a little symbol of familiarity? :)
(tan skin, blond hair, scratches and mosquito bites on my legs, aching head, tired eyes, and my favourite necklace that I got from Kitty for my birthday last year)