No More Real
Despite having my own set of triggers for being anxious – who doesn't? – I've always maintained a steady refusal for blame. It's easy to look at the world around me and claim a reason for how I'm feeling. But constant anxiety doesn't thrive in normal conditions, it's a mental illness that makes me feel worse than someone healthy in the same situation. It's no more real than when my schizophrenic uncle explained a lost button on his coat as the KGB shooting at him with a laser. Maybe my heart is pounding, my head feels light, and my stomach's in knots – but that would only make sense if death was imminent. I refuse to say that politics, foreign wars, or other existential crises are why I'm feeling wrong. I'm not beyond caring about big issues, but not as an excuse for my state of mind. This summer, time spent finding an annoying squeak in my car made me feel worse than any of my (far more real) ongoing financial struggles. That was a weird week. There will always be new reasons for anxiety, and when I knock one down, the next arrives. Instead, I aim at the source by being alone when I must, sleeping enough, and trying not to take it out on what's outside me.
October 10, 2024
Waldeck East, Nova Scotia
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You can support my work
get things in the mail
and see everything
first on Patreon
No More Real
Despite having my own set of triggers for being anxious – who doesn't? – I've always maintained a steady refusal for blame. It's easy to look at the world around me and claim a reason for how I'm feeling. But constant anxiety doesn't thrive in normal conditions, it's a mental illness that makes me feel worse than someone healthy in the same situation. It's no more real than when my schizophrenic uncle explained a lost button on his coat as the KGB shooting at him with a laser. Maybe my heart is pounding, my head feels light, and my stomach's in knots – but that would only make sense if death was imminent. I refuse to say that politics, foreign wars, or other existential crises are why I'm feeling wrong. I'm not beyond caring about big issues, but not as an excuse for my state of mind. This summer, time spent finding an annoying squeak in my car made me feel worse than any of my (far more real) ongoing financial struggles. That was a weird week. There will always be new reasons for anxiety, and when I knock one down, the next arrives. Instead, I aim at the source by being alone when I must, sleeping enough, and trying not to take it out on what's outside me.
October 10, 2024
Waldeck East, Nova Scotia
facebook | instagram | tumblr | youtube | etsy
You can support my work
get things in the mail
and see everything
first on Patreon