lethargic/day forty-one

my days are numbered.

i want to use every one of those days to glorify You, because when i'm doing that...

i'm the most satisfied, peaceful, joyful person and i don't want to stop doing Your work, ever.

You have never stopped working for me or loving me. i'm to never tire of doing what is right and if i'm not working, i'm not eating and i'm not healthy in You. i'm not healthy in You because i haven't taken time to experience You.

 

these past few days, i've been living selfishly. i've been saying i'm going to do things for You, then not doing them or holding off to a later date. i skipped all of my classes today because i was too lazy to leave my room. i was in such a distraught state that i passed up seeing muffin. i'm so sorry to anyone who had to witness me in a state of not trusting the Lord. all i have to do is really remember Your truths, and i will be assured. but i've been seemingly ignoring those truths of blessings and perseverance because i wasn't getting what i wanted. i haven't been putting my full effort in, and You deserve nothing less. to an extent, i'm extremely ashamed. i'm ashamed that i've let leisure consume me (as shown above) and i haven't let You pull me out. and i haven't let You take the time i have to fall deeper in love with You.

you have given me these days, not to waste them, but to learn who my planter is and to plant more and more. the harvest will come and yeah, maybe things will screw up sometime in between but that doesn't mean i should stop discovering and stop Your work.

 

and there's no way that i could do Your work without You and without knowing Your face.

Lord, i want to fully depend on You. make that real to me.

 

Done