giggie larue
thinking of you
yeah you.
there are a few of you here who i have corresponded with in a fashion that i would categorize under "friendship". in the past by this point i would've showered you with masses of missives (bidden or not!) because - aside from that having been a large, active, essential part of my expressive nature over the years - it was part of my desire to gift those i liked, cared about with something i could afford: my attention.
fast forward ... these past few days i have fretted over thinking of how anxious & frustrated i've been over not getting back to those of you who have written or vox'd me in recent weeks/months. and you know how it goes - the more time passes, the worse you feel, and then the harder it gets to catch up.
but, in addition to circumstances (enormous family stress, traveling cross-country again, being very very sick for 2 weeks post travel & that recovery, beginning another new period of gradual relocation etc.) i find myself also facing another? life period? something, where all i can come up with is: "i'm not who i used to be anymore. more things are being lost to me. and i can't pretend otherwise."
in this case i can't "catch up" like i used to, keep up, write as much, respond to everyone like i want/need to. i'm tireder, overwhelmed, busier (or so it feels), yet more internal & quiet for longer periods of time, more distracted, less able to concentrate & less often, less motivated, more discouraged, (more heartbroken), less inclined to "get involved" in things, the like.
so. tonight i sat down to try to write at least one of you, and couldn't choose one over another without feeling guilty. and then this came to mind, this photo. you may/may not realize it but i don't post many self-portraits anymore (and i think recent ones have all been back shots, abstractions). yeah this one is highly edited, but it is my face, in glaring light, looking right at you.
because i want you to know, that i may not be able to write, write back, respond to details, at least right now. but i think of you, a lot. when i like someone i think of them a lot, and at least try to keep track of them through whatever means possible. i look at your photos, read what you write, and think of you.
you are deeply appreciated.
love.
thinking of you
yeah you.
there are a few of you here who i have corresponded with in a fashion that i would categorize under "friendship". in the past by this point i would've showered you with masses of missives (bidden or not!) because - aside from that having been a large, active, essential part of my expressive nature over the years - it was part of my desire to gift those i liked, cared about with something i could afford: my attention.
fast forward ... these past few days i have fretted over thinking of how anxious & frustrated i've been over not getting back to those of you who have written or vox'd me in recent weeks/months. and you know how it goes - the more time passes, the worse you feel, and then the harder it gets to catch up.
but, in addition to circumstances (enormous family stress, traveling cross-country again, being very very sick for 2 weeks post travel & that recovery, beginning another new period of gradual relocation etc.) i find myself also facing another? life period? something, where all i can come up with is: "i'm not who i used to be anymore. more things are being lost to me. and i can't pretend otherwise."
in this case i can't "catch up" like i used to, keep up, write as much, respond to everyone like i want/need to. i'm tireder, overwhelmed, busier (or so it feels), yet more internal & quiet for longer periods of time, more distracted, less able to concentrate & less often, less motivated, more discouraged, (more heartbroken), less inclined to "get involved" in things, the like.
so. tonight i sat down to try to write at least one of you, and couldn't choose one over another without feeling guilty. and then this came to mind, this photo. you may/may not realize it but i don't post many self-portraits anymore (and i think recent ones have all been back shots, abstractions). yeah this one is highly edited, but it is my face, in glaring light, looking right at you.
because i want you to know, that i may not be able to write, write back, respond to details, at least right now. but i think of you, a lot. when i like someone i think of them a lot, and at least try to keep track of them through whatever means possible. i look at your photos, read what you write, and think of you.
you are deeply appreciated.
love.