this much, too much

it's strange following a portrait of my serene face with this "notice" ... i don't really talk anymore about this to people, but today i'm at wit's end:

 

i have some disabling health conditions that include daily pain. it's been many years since this began, so i've oh so gratefully learned to cope with it to a great extent. and i have been able to not only function, but engage with the world and enjoy, even while experiencing debilitation.

 

the pain has been building up for a month or two, and i've been feeling increasing anxiety around its constancy lately. i've had to forego more than usual, and resort to relief measures i've not taken in a long while.

 

i'm often ashamed and humiliated to id myself as a "crip", and frightened about how health issues change the way people relate to me; despairing about the impact, the limitations on what i can give at any given time.

 

i've even been thinking i need to take a break from the computer, as it's definitely exacerbating everything. if i can resist all of your many charms, i may disappear for a bit. i hope i don't miss too much ...

 

xo

Done