Suicide Note

How do you explain to those around you, the ones you love dearly and cherish that you will not die of natural causes. That it's your destiny to die by your own hands. This is the only way I know how to explain it. I know in my heart one day I will take my own life and with a smile on my face. Whether or not I'll ever get help or not. I will die from suicide. I've accepted it long ago. Something I know will happen one day. I desire it honestly. More than anything in life. I dream about my death and how I can do it with as little after effect on those I care about. It is the only way I know all this will stop, the insanity, the voices, the visions and delusions I suffer from. Day to day I fight with myself of whether or not what I'm thinking is real. Whether or not those I trust or love are really there or if they are part of my imagination. Whether or not the feelings shared by others is even real. Or if simply put everyone is really after me. Every day.. Every fucking waking day I think about this. Whether or not anyone is even real. One day it has to end, it won't ever happen with any type of medication. They simply allow me to mask it. I wish I knew when, but I can say it won't be a long time. But it will happen, no denying the truth of it. It will be the only way I am able to stop all of this. The thing has stings most though when I think about it is my fiancee and childrens' faces. It won't stop it but it does make it seem more real to me than anything else. There is only so much one person can take mentally. Everyone eventually has a breaking point.

Done