JacquelineLandau
A network of coincidence
I was a an annual local Trans Pride Conference yesterday: would you believe that time is gone already? I tried to innoculate me against the unavoidable but the only i was able to do was to bring back this souvenir. This is such an "exploit", in french. I arrived way too soon for the conference which started at 9. Beautiful day, perfect sky, yesterday. So I could dress lightly. This is how I was dressed, in fact. I was wearing my faithful yellow wig with a new "british" Marks & Spencer pre-owned dress. So proud it only cost me a fraction of a new dress, at today's prices. Besides, even at todays's prices, I could not find a dress like that "new" in stores? They don't have that style anymore. That must be pre-Michael Jackson era? OK. Boy George. There. Yet, it looks brand new? Not missing a single button, not stained or anything. To me, the perfect dress. My size. My mother says the breast is just tight enough... I consider myself qute lucky that my mother is still alive at 90. That she still loves me dearly and that she is still perfectly willing to play the role of herself, with me, that is, to treat me, to some extent, as a daughter, and give me motherly advice. As you can see, she has a great influence on me. And I'm not at all shy to say that her influence is great, in the sense "great to have". I wish you all knew her. I'm sure she would treat you all as her daughters in return. What can I say? She tought me love, and love is not something we can keep to ourselves, it commands of good dose of sharing, and Nietzche would say a good dose of what we call rather judgementally "selfishness", which he calls "self-assertion". (I'll eventually include a picture of my mother in my Photostream: why should I be ashamed of her?)
--
Anyhow, I arrived way too soon at the conference. So, because the weather was so inviting outside, I naturally stepped out of the building. The neighborhood was perfectly quite, the expected picture of a saurday morning at 8:00 when most people don't work. I decided to take a few pictures with my Nokia Lumia 920 (which I still recommend strongly to ALL my friends). *But*something in me was compelling to snap a picture of me, there, somehow. So, up passes this beautiful, young woman. I mean, a real pretty girl. I stopped her to ask whether she could take my picture, and she gladly accepted! I had to stand back a few feet because, the sun light was too intense where we were standing. I knew we were getting in the shade and that would be best for the picture. I knew that. I'm good with photography. But I was far from expecting the interesting quality of light I was stepping into. I tried to be so natural, for the picture. I knew this womand was on her way somewhere and she did not have too much time for me. So, it was "the last chance" I had to bring back that sensational souvenir, for me, but also for my Flickr friends. Yes, ALL of you. Sidonie, Ruby, Laurette, Valerie, Grace, Brenda, you're just too many to remember for inclusion here, but I know you are there, and you "care" for me. That's very woman quality of you and I thank you when you take the time to comment and add my pictures to your Favorites. I mean, we all thrive on this sort of experience, aren't we? // How many more like do I have to go? // I ask because I don't want to seem like I'm taking all your time...
--
So, the light was perfect, even beyond perfect. Yeah! Why settle for mere perfect when you can have "beyond perfect"? Out of this world, right? Yeah. That was it. Bu with hindsight. I mean, the light setting I stepped into was totally random and unexpected, and I would even venture to say that it was a FLUKE! Yet, there I was? Talk about the love of fate. (BTW, Dear Lena, I meant to write "fate" all along -- not "faith").
--
So, take about fate? Perfect lighting. A beautiful Young woman accepting to take my picture for posterity. All I was missing is an expression on my face. I learned so much at that conference? I always do. There is a practicing psychologist who comes visiting every year and present fascinating stuff, stuff that always opens my mind. She used the term "Gender expression" quite a bit in her talk. Somehow, I am picking up on the meaning of that very term this morning, with you, as I am describing myself: this picture, my dear friends, can be considered an expression of my gender. But you see, the word "gender" to me does not mean man OR femaile, and I got that from her presentation yesterday. So, I guess I was looking for a way to stand before this young woman that would not be demeaning to me, you see? I'm a complicated person and won't go into the detail if you don't understand what I meant by "complicated" person. It does not matter. Suffice it to say that I don't mean to use it in a derogative way to describe myself.
---
I seem to err from the subject but, have no fear, I'm not straying too far way... Yet, I have to obey my instinct. Have you ever felt the need for being compelled to do something, for biological reason?
--
Sorry again for erring in a new direction, I keep searching my way in words. I have to say I am SO PROUD OF MY EXPRESSION ON THIS PICTURE. It's probably the image I'm a most proud of of all the images I shared to far on Flickr. It is simply me. I'm proud of my smile, the way I placed my feet, not too far apart, you see? It's the attention to détails, I think, that our fellow human beings are noticing about ourselves. I love everything about this image. It's me, in a "nutshell". They say a picture is worth 1000 words? Well, that probably explains a large part of the internet success, pictures "talk". They are so rich, can create such moods. They're like "instant paintings". It must have made the paint artists of the time photography was invented "obsolete"?
---
Thank you for reading down this far into my presentation. I feel we're in communion. Not in a religious, spiritual sense but in a "human" sense, you and me and all the other who are like us, appreciating the beauty that lives within ourselves. Others can be tough on me but I see a kind of beauty that is true in me, and that I want to share with whoever wants to share. A special thank's to Jan Griffin, who still believes in me, even though I neglected her badly, by not writing. Another special thank's to a special person, dear to my heart, Elaine Margane. Elaine, you are my sunshine! And anothe special thank's to my good friend Karla: Karla, pardonnes-moi de ne pas écrire en français.. J'essaieraie de la faire dans un commentaire plus tard ou sur une autre photo mais saches que tu comptes beaucoup pour moi, toi aussi, tu occupes une place bien spéciale dans mon cœur.
XXX / Jacqueline
A network of coincidence
I was a an annual local Trans Pride Conference yesterday: would you believe that time is gone already? I tried to innoculate me against the unavoidable but the only i was able to do was to bring back this souvenir. This is such an "exploit", in french. I arrived way too soon for the conference which started at 9. Beautiful day, perfect sky, yesterday. So I could dress lightly. This is how I was dressed, in fact. I was wearing my faithful yellow wig with a new "british" Marks & Spencer pre-owned dress. So proud it only cost me a fraction of a new dress, at today's prices. Besides, even at todays's prices, I could not find a dress like that "new" in stores? They don't have that style anymore. That must be pre-Michael Jackson era? OK. Boy George. There. Yet, it looks brand new? Not missing a single button, not stained or anything. To me, the perfect dress. My size. My mother says the breast is just tight enough... I consider myself qute lucky that my mother is still alive at 90. That she still loves me dearly and that she is still perfectly willing to play the role of herself, with me, that is, to treat me, to some extent, as a daughter, and give me motherly advice. As you can see, she has a great influence on me. And I'm not at all shy to say that her influence is great, in the sense "great to have". I wish you all knew her. I'm sure she would treat you all as her daughters in return. What can I say? She tought me love, and love is not something we can keep to ourselves, it commands of good dose of sharing, and Nietzche would say a good dose of what we call rather judgementally "selfishness", which he calls "self-assertion". (I'll eventually include a picture of my mother in my Photostream: why should I be ashamed of her?)
--
Anyhow, I arrived way too soon at the conference. So, because the weather was so inviting outside, I naturally stepped out of the building. The neighborhood was perfectly quite, the expected picture of a saurday morning at 8:00 when most people don't work. I decided to take a few pictures with my Nokia Lumia 920 (which I still recommend strongly to ALL my friends). *But*something in me was compelling to snap a picture of me, there, somehow. So, up passes this beautiful, young woman. I mean, a real pretty girl. I stopped her to ask whether she could take my picture, and she gladly accepted! I had to stand back a few feet because, the sun light was too intense where we were standing. I knew we were getting in the shade and that would be best for the picture. I knew that. I'm good with photography. But I was far from expecting the interesting quality of light I was stepping into. I tried to be so natural, for the picture. I knew this womand was on her way somewhere and she did not have too much time for me. So, it was "the last chance" I had to bring back that sensational souvenir, for me, but also for my Flickr friends. Yes, ALL of you. Sidonie, Ruby, Laurette, Valerie, Grace, Brenda, you're just too many to remember for inclusion here, but I know you are there, and you "care" for me. That's very woman quality of you and I thank you when you take the time to comment and add my pictures to your Favorites. I mean, we all thrive on this sort of experience, aren't we? // How many more like do I have to go? // I ask because I don't want to seem like I'm taking all your time...
--
So, the light was perfect, even beyond perfect. Yeah! Why settle for mere perfect when you can have "beyond perfect"? Out of this world, right? Yeah. That was it. Bu with hindsight. I mean, the light setting I stepped into was totally random and unexpected, and I would even venture to say that it was a FLUKE! Yet, there I was? Talk about the love of fate. (BTW, Dear Lena, I meant to write "fate" all along -- not "faith").
--
So, take about fate? Perfect lighting. A beautiful Young woman accepting to take my picture for posterity. All I was missing is an expression on my face. I learned so much at that conference? I always do. There is a practicing psychologist who comes visiting every year and present fascinating stuff, stuff that always opens my mind. She used the term "Gender expression" quite a bit in her talk. Somehow, I am picking up on the meaning of that very term this morning, with you, as I am describing myself: this picture, my dear friends, can be considered an expression of my gender. But you see, the word "gender" to me does not mean man OR femaile, and I got that from her presentation yesterday. So, I guess I was looking for a way to stand before this young woman that would not be demeaning to me, you see? I'm a complicated person and won't go into the detail if you don't understand what I meant by "complicated" person. It does not matter. Suffice it to say that I don't mean to use it in a derogative way to describe myself.
---
I seem to err from the subject but, have no fear, I'm not straying too far way... Yet, I have to obey my instinct. Have you ever felt the need for being compelled to do something, for biological reason?
--
Sorry again for erring in a new direction, I keep searching my way in words. I have to say I am SO PROUD OF MY EXPRESSION ON THIS PICTURE. It's probably the image I'm a most proud of of all the images I shared to far on Flickr. It is simply me. I'm proud of my smile, the way I placed my feet, not too far apart, you see? It's the attention to détails, I think, that our fellow human beings are noticing about ourselves. I love everything about this image. It's me, in a "nutshell". They say a picture is worth 1000 words? Well, that probably explains a large part of the internet success, pictures "talk". They are so rich, can create such moods. They're like "instant paintings". It must have made the paint artists of the time photography was invented "obsolete"?
---
Thank you for reading down this far into my presentation. I feel we're in communion. Not in a religious, spiritual sense but in a "human" sense, you and me and all the other who are like us, appreciating the beauty that lives within ourselves. Others can be tough on me but I see a kind of beauty that is true in me, and that I want to share with whoever wants to share. A special thank's to Jan Griffin, who still believes in me, even though I neglected her badly, by not writing. Another special thank's to a special person, dear to my heart, Elaine Margane. Elaine, you are my sunshine! And anothe special thank's to my good friend Karla: Karla, pardonnes-moi de ne pas écrire en français.. J'essaieraie de la faire dans un commentaire plus tard ou sur une autre photo mais saches que tu comptes beaucoup pour moi, toi aussi, tu occupes une place bien spéciale dans mon cœur.
XXX / Jacqueline