GQ66
Smokey Mark
another portrait of my best friend and cuz who passed recently.
I took this shot decades ago. I was an absolute beginner with my Pentax k1000 but I liked to experiment with my shots (so every now and then they worked).
This remains my favourite portrait of him. I feel it captures the beautiful and the crazy that lay at the essence of his being.
His later life was a struggle but his impact upon me in our early years and adolescence cannot be overstated.
I have suffered a few losses of close friends from my past recently, but this one resonates even deeper into my being. My heart is filled with sorrow and anguish at the depth of this loss in my life.
His mom hated me when we were young and it was unfortunate that the funeral was planned for a time when I could not attend, i don't know if that was deliberate, i don't think so. It was just a hard time for everyone and shit happens. Still it hurts deeply that I missed this funeral.
The following are the words i asked my wonderful little sister to speak on my behalf. It was not easy to write as I needed to respect the integrity of my shared experiences with the man himself, and the uptight christian sensibilities of family and the bible thumpers who wanted to believe that he gave up his pagan heart to enter the magical christian kingdom before the end. I don't think so, but it gives them solace. It is always good to show respect and restraint. In that spirit I did edit what I shared as the most fun insightful stories usually involved drugs and other amoral aspects of our being.
................
Mark and I were very close, he was the best man at my wedding and will remain my best man forever. He was truly my brother from another mother. He loved to have fun and to do things differently and in unexpected ways. He didn’t accept things the way they were and always believed something could be made better or more interesting if we found a new way to do it. He could drive me nuts because he never hesitated to suggest doing something crazy or to take a wild risk. I was often left dumbfounded and in doubt about what to do as I was generally governed by common sense and an instinct for self-preservation, but what he suggested always sounded like so much fun. When I look back and think of all the dumb fun things I did as a youth, Mark is often there at my side. When we moved from playing war by shooting each other’s plastic army men with pellet guns to shooting each other with BB in our guns, Mark was the first to sign on for this new variation of the game. He was always the one who loved it best and would be the first to suggest doing it again when we were bored (as well as the variation where we traipsed through the woods with sharpened sticks that we would throw at each other). In looking back, I realize that life always got a bit risky when Mark and I were bored because we were sure to come up with some crazy scheme to occupy our time. He was a good guy to be around and I was lucky to grow up with him.
Mark was like a magnet, attracting fun and exciting experiences. He loved a little mischief and liked ‘to poke the bear’, but he was (usually) smart enough not to directly provoke the angry mob of red necks that surrounded us. Instead he usually found a more subtle way to answer their provocations with a clever jibe or prank that they didn’t figure out until we were safely away.
His mind had a grace and eloquence that allowed him to see through the moment into the bigger picture, to see what was really going on and to find the humour in it. His sense of good natured fun and mischievous nature was a breath of fresh air in my otherwise dreary and mundane years of teen-age angst growing up in the bible belt of the prairies. We had many adventures and many laughs. From the endless plots to topple any uncle into the water who happened to stray too near the pool at the Red Deer Lodge Family Christmas parties, to the many varied pranks we played on our teachers and classmates at high school, Yes, some of those did lead to me engaging in minor exchanges of fisticuffs's with my peers, but I didn't mind. Mark’s impish energy was boundless and a joy to engage with. Mark had a gentle fun spirit and a keen sense of social justice. When we were younger it was cool to see how our younger cousins and little kids intrinsically liked him. I learned a lot from watching the way he connected with people and the causes he chose to take up. He was genuine, and funny, and always listened intently to what others were saying.
Mark was all about testing boundaries and exploring limits, both physical and metaphysical. A conversation with Mark could be mind-bending and unending (and that’s before the drugs kicked in;). We had deeply philosophical dialogues that could go on for years as we would just pick them up where we left off when we met again. I think I was one of the lucky ones who got to know this side of him. He always carried a darkness within and could be a bit guarded, but his mind was brilliant and subtle as he explored the themes of his life. We shared many secrets and I valued his insight into the complexities of navigating this world with integrity and passion intact. He was always drawn to transcendental ideas and writers and experiences. He loved the idea of Carpe Diem (seize the day) and would not hesitate to act when called upon. He didn’t want to waste a minute of life and was eager to experience it to it’s fullest. That may be the lesson of his life, don’t hesitate because some day it will be too late.
I just want to say thank you to Mark for the way he brightened my young life and for the hard lessons we learned together later. I witnessed how his flame, which once burned so bright, gave way to the darkness within. Mark stood by me when I needed him to and I was proud to stand by him when he struggled. It deeply bothered me when he disappeared from the family. I knew that he danced on the edge of darkness with his addictions and could just drift away from us all, but that he really didn’t want to vanish. I was glad that I found him and that he reconnected, but I feel cheated that he was he was taken so early. Cheated too, that he suffered so much loss of his true bright self long before he passed. His friendship was a blessing in my life and I will miss him dearly. I share the great sense of loss that you are all feeling today.
It is very hard to say good-bye and the thought of never seeing him again brings tears to my eyes. The funny thing is that Mark always saw the humour in the tragic aspects of life and he loved to laugh (even when it wasn’t appropriate). It was always laughter that got him through the hard times. His laughter and his grin is what I remember best.
I’m sure that like me, you all have a memory of Mark that makes you smile, so don’t remember him with sadness or with tears, remember the laughter and the smile that shone brightly all those years. Treasure those moments and keep him alive in your heart. I do.
Love and blessings all!
Smokey Mark
another portrait of my best friend and cuz who passed recently.
I took this shot decades ago. I was an absolute beginner with my Pentax k1000 but I liked to experiment with my shots (so every now and then they worked).
This remains my favourite portrait of him. I feel it captures the beautiful and the crazy that lay at the essence of his being.
His later life was a struggle but his impact upon me in our early years and adolescence cannot be overstated.
I have suffered a few losses of close friends from my past recently, but this one resonates even deeper into my being. My heart is filled with sorrow and anguish at the depth of this loss in my life.
His mom hated me when we were young and it was unfortunate that the funeral was planned for a time when I could not attend, i don't know if that was deliberate, i don't think so. It was just a hard time for everyone and shit happens. Still it hurts deeply that I missed this funeral.
The following are the words i asked my wonderful little sister to speak on my behalf. It was not easy to write as I needed to respect the integrity of my shared experiences with the man himself, and the uptight christian sensibilities of family and the bible thumpers who wanted to believe that he gave up his pagan heart to enter the magical christian kingdom before the end. I don't think so, but it gives them solace. It is always good to show respect and restraint. In that spirit I did edit what I shared as the most fun insightful stories usually involved drugs and other amoral aspects of our being.
................
Mark and I were very close, he was the best man at my wedding and will remain my best man forever. He was truly my brother from another mother. He loved to have fun and to do things differently and in unexpected ways. He didn’t accept things the way they were and always believed something could be made better or more interesting if we found a new way to do it. He could drive me nuts because he never hesitated to suggest doing something crazy or to take a wild risk. I was often left dumbfounded and in doubt about what to do as I was generally governed by common sense and an instinct for self-preservation, but what he suggested always sounded like so much fun. When I look back and think of all the dumb fun things I did as a youth, Mark is often there at my side. When we moved from playing war by shooting each other’s plastic army men with pellet guns to shooting each other with BB in our guns, Mark was the first to sign on for this new variation of the game. He was always the one who loved it best and would be the first to suggest doing it again when we were bored (as well as the variation where we traipsed through the woods with sharpened sticks that we would throw at each other). In looking back, I realize that life always got a bit risky when Mark and I were bored because we were sure to come up with some crazy scheme to occupy our time. He was a good guy to be around and I was lucky to grow up with him.
Mark was like a magnet, attracting fun and exciting experiences. He loved a little mischief and liked ‘to poke the bear’, but he was (usually) smart enough not to directly provoke the angry mob of red necks that surrounded us. Instead he usually found a more subtle way to answer their provocations with a clever jibe or prank that they didn’t figure out until we were safely away.
His mind had a grace and eloquence that allowed him to see through the moment into the bigger picture, to see what was really going on and to find the humour in it. His sense of good natured fun and mischievous nature was a breath of fresh air in my otherwise dreary and mundane years of teen-age angst growing up in the bible belt of the prairies. We had many adventures and many laughs. From the endless plots to topple any uncle into the water who happened to stray too near the pool at the Red Deer Lodge Family Christmas parties, to the many varied pranks we played on our teachers and classmates at high school, Yes, some of those did lead to me engaging in minor exchanges of fisticuffs's with my peers, but I didn't mind. Mark’s impish energy was boundless and a joy to engage with. Mark had a gentle fun spirit and a keen sense of social justice. When we were younger it was cool to see how our younger cousins and little kids intrinsically liked him. I learned a lot from watching the way he connected with people and the causes he chose to take up. He was genuine, and funny, and always listened intently to what others were saying.
Mark was all about testing boundaries and exploring limits, both physical and metaphysical. A conversation with Mark could be mind-bending and unending (and that’s before the drugs kicked in;). We had deeply philosophical dialogues that could go on for years as we would just pick them up where we left off when we met again. I think I was one of the lucky ones who got to know this side of him. He always carried a darkness within and could be a bit guarded, but his mind was brilliant and subtle as he explored the themes of his life. We shared many secrets and I valued his insight into the complexities of navigating this world with integrity and passion intact. He was always drawn to transcendental ideas and writers and experiences. He loved the idea of Carpe Diem (seize the day) and would not hesitate to act when called upon. He didn’t want to waste a minute of life and was eager to experience it to it’s fullest. That may be the lesson of his life, don’t hesitate because some day it will be too late.
I just want to say thank you to Mark for the way he brightened my young life and for the hard lessons we learned together later. I witnessed how his flame, which once burned so bright, gave way to the darkness within. Mark stood by me when I needed him to and I was proud to stand by him when he struggled. It deeply bothered me when he disappeared from the family. I knew that he danced on the edge of darkness with his addictions and could just drift away from us all, but that he really didn’t want to vanish. I was glad that I found him and that he reconnected, but I feel cheated that he was he was taken so early. Cheated too, that he suffered so much loss of his true bright self long before he passed. His friendship was a blessing in my life and I will miss him dearly. I share the great sense of loss that you are all feeling today.
It is very hard to say good-bye and the thought of never seeing him again brings tears to my eyes. The funny thing is that Mark always saw the humour in the tragic aspects of life and he loved to laugh (even when it wasn’t appropriate). It was always laughter that got him through the hard times. His laughter and his grin is what I remember best.
I’m sure that like me, you all have a memory of Mark that makes you smile, so don’t remember him with sadness or with tears, remember the laughter and the smile that shone brightly all those years. Treasure those moments and keep him alive in your heart. I do.
Love and blessings all!