Nearly Serenity
Resolutions
I have a lot of back problems, built up tension and knots, minor scoliosis. And I’ve always hunched my shoulders, I can’t remember a time when I stood up straight. But what I was always told was that girls start hunching their shoulders when they develop breasts, trying to hide them. I don’t think that’s why I hunch. I was also told more recently by my young massage therapist friend that people hunch to try and protect their heart. That hit home. “Don’t love me. Don’t hurt me.” I’m going to try and change that. I AM going to change that. It’s going to be another one of my New Years resolutions, to relax my shoulders and find a way to let myself be loved. I’m not getting anywhere being afraid of getting hurt. Not even really believing that I could fall in love. I need to let myself love just like I need to let others in. That doesn’t mean I’ll lose myself.. My resolution is to take the risks and the opportunities, to let myself live life to the fullest and not sabotage myself. To keep the promises to myself.
Another one is about my body. It is literally my temple, I can build it up or break it down or paint it any color I want. I’m going to treat it like it’s sacred and keep it healthy and strong with as little barriers as I can. I’m tired of trying to break down my own walls. I’m tired of making promises to myself and failing to keep them. No More. My alligator filled moat is now a gentle stream that will do no more than cool your feet. I don’t want to worry about chomping your leg off if you get too close, because in certain ways that’s how I’ve been in the past. I internalize just like any other girl, and then whatever was internalized will burst out on a Way higher scale then the feeling was originally. Instead of an appropriate tone I have found myself to be flippant or rude, and then internally punch myself in the mouth. So I’m going to let myself cry or get angry, I’m going to let myself yell and whoop with laughter without worrying. I’m going to let myself stomp in frustration. I’m going to let myself love. I’m going to live.
I’m going to play my music and dance too.
Resolutions
I have a lot of back problems, built up tension and knots, minor scoliosis. And I’ve always hunched my shoulders, I can’t remember a time when I stood up straight. But what I was always told was that girls start hunching their shoulders when they develop breasts, trying to hide them. I don’t think that’s why I hunch. I was also told more recently by my young massage therapist friend that people hunch to try and protect their heart. That hit home. “Don’t love me. Don’t hurt me.” I’m going to try and change that. I AM going to change that. It’s going to be another one of my New Years resolutions, to relax my shoulders and find a way to let myself be loved. I’m not getting anywhere being afraid of getting hurt. Not even really believing that I could fall in love. I need to let myself love just like I need to let others in. That doesn’t mean I’ll lose myself.. My resolution is to take the risks and the opportunities, to let myself live life to the fullest and not sabotage myself. To keep the promises to myself.
Another one is about my body. It is literally my temple, I can build it up or break it down or paint it any color I want. I’m going to treat it like it’s sacred and keep it healthy and strong with as little barriers as I can. I’m tired of trying to break down my own walls. I’m tired of making promises to myself and failing to keep them. No More. My alligator filled moat is now a gentle stream that will do no more than cool your feet. I don’t want to worry about chomping your leg off if you get too close, because in certain ways that’s how I’ve been in the past. I internalize just like any other girl, and then whatever was internalized will burst out on a Way higher scale then the feeling was originally. Instead of an appropriate tone I have found myself to be flippant or rude, and then internally punch myself in the mouth. So I’m going to let myself cry or get angry, I’m going to let myself yell and whoop with laughter without worrying. I’m going to let myself stomp in frustration. I’m going to let myself love. I’m going to live.
I’m going to play my music and dance too.